Christianity Oasis Forum

[Guest]

DAY 1 Hum there seems so so much in my life, not even sure where to start or how to pin point it. Grew up in a dysfunctional family, alcoholic, divorce, domestic violence. Married an alcoholic and abusive man, got out of that and thought I would be free from it all, free to have that happy life I always dreamed of as a little girl? I did remarry 14 1/2 years ago, to a wonderful man who adopted my children from my former marriage, and we have had 3 and adopted 1. BUT that "happy" is still not there. The dysfunction still pops in and out of my life, mainly by other people whom I love dearly, but it effects my life so much. I feel hostage to my childhood memories which were not good even though my mom tries to play up what a good life we grew up with. My mom was not a mom to me. Two of my nephews killed themselves, one by huffing propane, one shot himself in the head this so haunts me as they were both in dysfunctional homes too, but what do you expect their parents, being my older sister and older brother both grew up that way too. My oldest son is suicidal and has tried it a few times and always talks about it, he is so sad which breaks my heart and pulls on my guilt because I chose to marry his father who was a horrible man. I feel like no one including myself can live up to my expectations, which I see is perhaps a form of judging, but I just expect people to be good, loving, helpful, there for each other? I struggle with a relationship with my oldest son and adopted son, this bothers me much. Fear, yes I hold a lot of fear in this life, I have a son who is going to fight the war in Afghanistan in September. Fear seems to hold me down a lot. I have a control issue, I want to be in control of everything, that way I feel it will be done right, be done safe and everyone will be well and happy. Then there is finances, wow, we are eating rice and beans this week, no money to pay bills let alone buy food, and I wonder "Where is God", then I feel such guilt for doubting Him, guilt for not trusting Him. We need a financial miracle, I need a miracle. I do not want to live the rest of my life like this, I want that freedom, that peace, that happiness, I want the promises God gives us to be active in my life, in my children's lives. Then I feel guilty for wanting that or for complaining because yes people are starving to death, people are drinking filthy water, living in shacks, so what right do I have to want a better live? I want that relationship with the Lord that makes me feel whole, complete and at peace! Well I just let out my feelings, there it is for you all to see, gee, I am in need of help!
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I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! phillipians 4:13

[momof3]

Hi momato7hearts...im so glad you here. You arent here by accident.

As i read your post i was reminded of how ive felt this way so many times in my life. Life is sooo overwhelming at times..our kids, our finances..blame, guilt, childhood memories. Surrender...complete surrender to God's will is not easy..and we dont always see how He is going to work, or where He is...but...He sees you..is with you..and your children are His before they are yours..and He loves them more that we can love them, as impossible as that may seem.

It sounds like ya have a few spiritual battles going on. Sis, dont give up..stand in intercession for your kids' lives. As you go through these steps, your walk with the Lord will be renewed and your hope will be restored. Be open to what He would say to you through these days. Surrendering is not easy, but in it, you will see that you dont really have control..nor do you really want it once you have placed everything in His capable hands.

Im looking forward to walking these steps with you..as others will too.

again, im so glad the Lord led you here and want you to know that im praying for your children as well...including the one in the military. My son is in the army. We will keep them covered in prayer. His perfect will be done in all things.

in Jesus,
love momo

[mlg]

Hi momato7hearts....I have to hurry out the door to work, but will come back and post my shared thoughts...just want to say it's great to see you beginning the steps. There is healing in these steps.

Take care and God Bless

[Tam]

HI momato7hearts...
Welcome to Oasis and to the counseling steps. You are not here by accident I do not believe.
Glad to see you working through the steps here. I pray that our Father would really minister to your heart as you go through the steps and that you would find a peace and love like you have never had.
Keep reaching and striving. He is there for you.
Prayers are with you! Hope to see you in chat sometimes
Tam

[mlg]

Hi momato7hearts, I wanted to share some thoughts with you sis...and the main thing is that all the past hurt and all the pain you see going on through your children is not your fault. Don't blame yourself. See we are all fighting an enemy...an enemy who wants to devour our souls. He will do anything to tear us down. But...we have someone who can help us overcome...His name is Jesus and He wants to become your best friend. In fact He died on the cross so that you could have forgiveness and love and joy when the world is in turmoil. These steps will help you grow closer to Him and you will be able to see changes happening. Also, with God working within you, He can begin to work on your family as well.

John 16:33
These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.


Praying for you sis...

Take care and God Bless you