Christianity Oasis Forum

[sandrad05]

Rev. 12:11 "And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death."

As a child I was a victim, As a young adult I was a survivor. As a Christian I am an overcomer!

As a child I could not control my world. I depended on others to protect and care for me. There was no God, much less a Savior ever spoken of in the home I grew up in. There was abuse, fear, defeat, and stress so heavy you could feel it even in your sleep, which I slept with one eye open. My father was an alcoholic and my mother worked two jobs. I lived in constant fear, there was no balance, or solid ground. My world was alway shaking under me.
There was one person who spoke to me of God, my grandmama, and when I spent the night with her, she would hold me in her arms in her rocking chair, and read from the Bible to me. I do not remember what she read, but in those times was the only time I felt save, and protected.
As I got older and could understand alittle more she would tell me. "Tomorrow you will go home, I want you to remember Jesus is going with you, you will not be alone, where ever you are or what ever is happening he will be there with you. Talk to him when you are afraid he will hear you and he will help you." Though she did not know half of what I was going through at home, I think she guessed it was very bad. Back then you were taught not to speak of things that was happening at home. So I never told my grandmama what was happening to me. And she never asked. I still wonder why she never asked? Or why she did not do something to help me?

My Grandmama did not teach me how to formally pray, she taught me to talk to Jesus like I talk to any one else. Just as if he is in the room with me.

I spent a many of horrifing nights talking to Jesus. He was there, I could feel his presence with me. Once you experience that presence you never forget, and you know without doubt when Jesus comes neaatr.

There was great comfort that I felt when I talked to Jesus, and that was what kept me alive.

By the time I 13 years old. I was suicidal, I knew enough about Jesus to know he would not be happy with me if I were to end my life.
And somewhere deep inside me I held on to a small shimmer of hope that one day Jesus would come and save me, He would stop the abuse, the pain. There is a place deep inside of the soul, where the wounds bleed freely,you can't see them, but yo feel the aguish that lives with you daily, even in your sleep. And there is a fear that makes no sense: You are afraid to live and you are afraid to die. You are afraid to stay and you are afraid to go. There is no direction, no answers. Just a great sense of doom.
At 14,I went to this little church with a friend of my sister's. The Pastor of that church was an older man, someone I felt I could trust. And he preached on Jesus love you, and at the end he said: " If there is anyone who has not except Jesus as their savior, come forward, Jesus is waiting with open arms to receive you." Being young I thought this was what was missing, this was the answer to that little shimmer if hope that Jesus was going to save me! I when forward, I prayed the sinners prayer. I was so full of joy, and love, and peace....
Until I went home. Nothing had changed. A few days later I walked to that little church, I needed to talk to the pastor, I needed to know why, nothing had changed? I needed to know if Jesus loved me, or did he see I was dirty, ugly, and maybe he did not want me either?
So, I sat down with that pastor, and I told him every thing! And I mean everything. When I was done talking, he looked at me and said: " maybe, Jesus is mad at you? And if he is then you must repeat. Repeat your sins and forgive those that have hurt you."
So I repeated the prayer he told me to say. I did not understand what I was saying? I was bad, for what was happening to me. I sinned, and I must forgive those who hurt me. I do not believe this is what that pastor was meaning to say. but a hurt child can not reason out "Jesus must be mad at you" My greatest fear was that Jesus would not love me either.
And this man of God confirm he did not love me. He loved me like my daddy did. I love you but, i want save you, I want protect you.

I started my walk back home, half way home I had to across the street, that moment something in side me said: "just step out into the traffic, no one will know you did it on purpose." "It will all be over with."

There is like an hand pushing in your back, so many times I have felt that pressure to push me into danger.

As you can see I did not step out. I went home and I stopped talking to Jesus.

I was truly alone.

This is the dark side of my childhood. This is the victim.
But, there is another side to my childhood. I was never alone, not once. Not even when I stopped talking to Jesus. He never stopped listening, he had a plan, He was preparing people that would enter my life that would give me direction to him. That
would show me the true and loving God that I thought did not want me.

Though some will not yet understand when I say, That my father only has good thoughts about me and you. My father, My Lord Jesus Christ took the very bad and made it work for the good in my life and he will in anyone elses. I would not trade my jounery, for I am an overcomer through the trails and tribulations I have faced. I can say when I see someone hurting and broken, shatter with no direction, I know your pain, I know the darkness that you live in. I know and I can say with out doubt. Jesus can and will save you. He will deliver you, protect you, forgive you, and love you right where you are! He is ever present, listening, planning your victory, bringing people into your life to show you the way. You are never alone.

The pastor that told me that Jesus was mad at me, years later he would be the one to baptize me. That is a story all in it's self.

It is very late, so I need to close for now, but if it is alright I would like to finish my testimony tomorrow. I pray that my testimony will in some way reach out to you. Help you and uplift you.
I leave you with this verse:
John 16:33
These things I(JESUS) have spoken unto you, that in me (Jesus) you might have peace. In the world you will have tribulation: but be of good cheer, I (JESUS) have overcome the world.

My Brothers and sisters, we all have gone through dark places, but through the Blood of Jesus Christ he has made us overcomer's. There is no weapon form against you that will prosper. For a little while we will know of pain and sorrow. We will see and feel things that seem to be too much to bear. But that is when Jesus comes the closest, you may have to go through bad things, but you will not go alone. Every thing you need will be provided for you. Even here in this place Jesus had a hand in you finding it. He uses other christians to speak for him, to comfort, to lift up, most of all to pray for you. There is power in prayer, and in number. Be of Good Cheer you have an army of God fearing, men and women standing with you, right now. Praise is the greatest of weapons when we are in dark places. Here you can praise and stregethen your faith, for faith comes by hearing the word.

I pray for everyone that visits this place that they will leave grided up, That my Father open their eye's to see the the army that he has placed to stand with you in your battle.
In the Name of Jesus Christ
A-men

[realtmg]

Amen.......... Very inspiring read. I enjoyed. I can tell the Lord's hand is upon you.

GBU

Real

[mlg]

Sandra what a blessing your testimony will be to many. Thank you for sharing. You have taken a past of pain and used it for God's glory by showing how He has delivered you from the past. Others who are or have been where you have been...can see there is HOPE...hope in Jesus!

luv ya

[Ditto]

It is very late, so I need to close for now, but if it is alright I would like to finish my testimony tomorrow. I pray that my testimony will in some way reach out to you. Help you and uplift you. and Your Prayer is answered

I leave you with this verse:
John 16:33
These things I(JESUS) have spoken unto you, that in me (Jesus) you might have peace. In the world you will have tribulation: but be of good cheer, I (JESUS) have overcome the world.

This verse has been speaking to me for days and especially the moment I began reading this post

Love in Christ Sandra
Nice to meetcha

Thank You Jesus!!!

Julia