Christianity Oasis Forum

[Wonderfilled One]

After my first visit to the S.O.S. chat room, which was a positive experience, one thing struck me; how few Christian men have sexual addictions, while so many Christian women have them. Hmmmm.
I'm not sure if the overall ratio of men vs women at CO is low, or that we have a lot of men who a. aren't yet at the point of knowing they have one, b. aren't to the point of admitting the problem, or c. are holding on to it by a thread, not wanting to give it up.
Come on guys...only two out there??? Really makes me wonder...

[lizzie]

hi wonderfilled brother

Well u know, im rather reluctant to say that its cuz very few men at C.O. have this problem... cuz the truth is, a lot of people, men and women, dont wanna admit that they have sexual addictions... or any type of addiction for that matter. Most of us dont even want to admit we are struggling with something. Could be due to pride, but mostly its cuz of fear I believe.

But thing is... unless one admits they have a prob (to themselves and God most importantly) they wont be able to receive the healing available to them.

I think thats one of the main reasons why I supported opening up this forum, cuz there may be those not willing to say they have issues, but will wander in here searching for advice, understanding, people with similar issues that they can related to.

Hopefully seeing other men come forward and discuss this issue will encourage other guys to do the same, and to get the help they need.

GBU wonderfilled

[Christnundrconstruxn]

Hello wonderfilled one,
I KNOW there are more Christian men than this because in our church of 300+ people I have spoke with 3 men and 2 of them have or had this same problem, thank the Lord the third doesn't He's our pastor!!
So you see 3 out of just 4 of the 300+ (which is kids,teens,men and women) that I know of, now imagine if I spoke one on one with each person and got honest answers, I would feel safe to say at least 50 or 100 total!! THAT'S HEART BREAKING!!!!!
I didn't want to come forward about my problem until it blew up in my face, now it has cost me my marriage of 13 years and possibly my 3 beautiful kids, I pretty much got that answer from my wife 2 days ago when she could almost look at me without getting sick with disgust because of what I became AND THAT is the reason I never came out with it before I knew she wouldn't handle it well, but I wished now I would have tried sooner before I did the unthinkable and caused so much pain and disgust that it can never be fixed!!
I was proud of where I was in my recovery of this, even though I had been separated from her for a month I was diverting my eyes away and turning my thoughts towards my wife and was what I would call "4 days clean" when my world crashed around me so I was a little angry with God because I didn't understand why even though I was doing all the right things such as counseling, C.O. ,2 pastors, diverting eyes and thoughts and staying within the Christian community(not reverting to my old days of drinking and drugs) even though things looked bad only to have what little I was hanging onto for dear life also got ripped from my grasp.
when I met my wife I had a fully furnished four bedroom house that I was paying for and she had the clothes on her back now I have the clothes on MY back and a whole lot of dept and she has the fully furnished 2nd home (the 1st was destroyed when we rented it to her family members) so it's sitting with a big mortgage that can't be paid and is condemed.
so you see because of what I allowed into my mind I have lost EVERYTHING!!
so I understand why we only have 2 men in here some of the rest are scared to death of how society won't accept that this IS an addiction and the rest are not ready to accept the fact it's filth and it WILL destroy their lives!!
I AM going to start looking at ways I can get this out into the public more so it's realized what kind of epidemic it is.
sorry so long but it had to be said
God bless and remember lets all pray for each other

[Whisperingsprings]

To the men,

Thank you for being honest and transparent with me and with yourselves.

More women being on CO than men. I would say, yes.

More women posting in this forum than men, yes.

Again, thanks for posting and being honest. It's nice to see and it is a gift. Thanks.

[Wonderfilled One]

I just wanted to say,Christianunderconstruction, I've been where you are now, and sure can empathize with you. I will say this...it gets harder before it gets easier before it gets harder....never a linear process. Been 4 yrs. for us...be 2 years separated in July...10 yrs.+ marriage...friends for12 yrs.+...
Anyway, I just wanted to say"Thanks" for the courage to put yourself out there, I'll post a longer one next time, gotta get up in 4 hrs. for work!
Hang in there, post or pm when ya need or want to.
God Bless,
Wonder

[Christnundrconstruxn]

After reading my own post I realized I seemed to show hatred toward my wife and NOTHING could be more wrong so let me rewrite some of it 1st I have a LOT of hatred and anger but it is towards me and the devil because I allowed satan to tempt me and CONvince me what I was doing was alright, I love my wife VERY much (more than life itself) but I have crossed a line that I don't think she will ever be able to erase, I think she will one day forgive me but never love me again and that kills me, I pictured myself growing old with her and being with her when the kids were grown so we could enjoy life to ourselves
But I destroyed that dream and all I ever wanted out of life
now could even be facing loosing my job and facing jail (never been there before) I just don't see any good coming from this endless hell that I have created, I can only hope that the Lord finds a way to bring me through this so I can concentrate on the things at hand instead of worrying about all the bad stuff.
I know it is said that He wants us to learn from mistakes....OK I LEARNED MY LESSION!!! at the cost of everything dear to me!!
enough is enough please!! I just want to move forward with what little bit of dignity and grace I have left
I just wish the Lord would wrap His arms around me and say ENOUGH SATAN!!! get behind thee
I love you guys and I'm praying for us all