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Step 2....
by Wonderfilled One » Tue Jan 05, 2010 10:18 pm
Hey All...
So many thoughts and emotions between Step One and tonight...mostly dealing with self-forgiveness...thought I was pretty well on my way in that department, until I was looking at pictures my daughters brought over with them for dinner on Sunday, pictures of the two of them from infancy up to around the time of the divorce...how happy they looked. There was one that really hit me deeply, of me sitting on the couch, holding one of them asleep, with their head on my shoulder...and I remembered those days again...there were times when I hoped they'd go to sleep, cause that meant that I could head out to the bar and drink, on my endless search for that thing that I felt was missing in my life...and now I wish I could go back and just hold them again. All they wanted was what I wanted as a kid...to be shown Love. What a mess...anyway, God pointed out another area I need to heal and forgive, one I had unconsciously left buried.
Well, I am beat, and need to head towards sleep...
Thanks for being here, GBUALL !!! Night,
Wonder
So many thoughts and emotions between Step One and tonight...mostly dealing with self-forgiveness...thought I was pretty well on my way in that department, until I was looking at pictures my daughters brought over with them for dinner on Sunday, pictures of the two of them from infancy up to around the time of the divorce...how happy they looked. There was one that really hit me deeply, of me sitting on the couch, holding one of them asleep, with their head on my shoulder...and I remembered those days again...there were times when I hoped they'd go to sleep, cause that meant that I could head out to the bar and drink, on my endless search for that thing that I felt was missing in my life...and now I wish I could go back and just hold them again. All they wanted was what I wanted as a kid...to be shown Love. What a mess...anyway, God pointed out another area I need to heal and forgive, one I had unconsciously left buried.
Well, I am beat, and need to head towards sleep...
Thanks for being here, GBUALL !!! Night,
Wonder
Last edited by Wonderfilled One on Tue Jan 19, 2010 4:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Wonderfilled One 
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by lizzie » Tue Jan 05, 2010 11:32 pm
Wonderfilled 
Good to see u on the path brother.
Its good that you recognize this most important area that you need to deal with.
By remaining in unforgiveness towards yourself, you are kinda putting yourself back in that photo again... because you remain in that past that God wants so much to free you from. That Jesus died to free you from. How the enemy loves that.
Yes you may have made mistakes. I challenge anyone to say they have not. But it has brought you here. God's timing is perfect. It is time to look at those photos knowing that tho you may be unable to change what you did in the past, God has, in His love towards you, given you a second chance to use the lessons you learned, to move into the future that He has mapped out for u.
GBU brother, looking fwd to your next post.
Good to see u on the path brother.
Its good that you recognize this most important area that you need to deal with.
By remaining in unforgiveness towards yourself, you are kinda putting yourself back in that photo again... because you remain in that past that God wants so much to free you from. That Jesus died to free you from. How the enemy loves that.
Yes you may have made mistakes. I challenge anyone to say they have not. But it has brought you here. God's timing is perfect. It is time to look at those photos knowing that tho you may be unable to change what you did in the past, God has, in His love towards you, given you a second chance to use the lessons you learned, to move into the future that He has mapped out for u.
GBU brother, looking fwd to your next post.
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lizzie
by vahn » Wed Jan 06, 2010 2:15 am
Hello Wonderfilled One
I'm vahn , and I am just one of those "lost" souls who "found" a set of directions to lead me to a better place than the place I was in , and I put found in quotations because it found me , rather than me finding "it".
I don't how many of us are out there that would not do anything or give anything to go back to those moments we so cherish , so we can do or undo our so-called "mistakes" and make things all different . But , we all know too well , we can't , but what what we CAN do is , like Lizzie mentioned , is move on , and move on we must , and you know what else ? We all WANT to move on but for some reason or other some of us find ourselves we can't ! , Or so it seems . But brother , let me assure you that we CAN ! I am living proof of that , and that is how I know .
One of the MAJOR reasons that we can't seem to be able to move on is the fact that we have not done anything different since the time of our making the "mistakes" , yes we had felt sorry we made them , yes we promised everyone , including ourselves we would not do it again , asked for all kinds of forgiveness time and time again , but , for one reason or other we still couldn't find , as you put it , "the thing that I felt was missing" you know why ? Because we have done absolutely nothing about the "mistake" itself ! We just felt something or other about it , we felt bad about the consequences that followed those mistakes , but as far as the mistake itself is concerned we had done absolutely nothing about , and that , my brother , is the reason why we find ourselves being "stuck" so to speak .
Here's a perfect example ;
See why and where we're "stuck" and "can't" move on ?
Here , every time you look at those pictures , and / or the memory of it comes to mind you immediately think of or mention and connect " I hoped they'd go to sleep, cause that meant that I could head out to the bar and drink," and that is where it hurts most doesn't it ? Let me tell you brother , I don't know about you , but that is exactly where it hurt me for the longest time , and i had found myself saying almost the same things you are now .
Here's where the solution lied for me . It wasn't until I did something about what "caused" the problem the problem did not go away , the sad part of it was that , even when I found out what the cause of the "problem" was , I still could not do anything about it on my own .
I know what you're thinking , you're probably saying " I thought you were going to give me the solution ? " Well brother , I just did , I said there is absolutely nothing we can do of our own devices to remedy that "problem" on our own , It has to come from a Power that is Greater than our problem , that is Greater than ourselves , which means , IT Has to Come From God ! Only then , that we are able to look at those photos once again and say something like , "I used to look at these pix , all I could see was this and that mistake , but now , But for the Grace of God , I don't have to go through that again ! " and move on !
In Brotherhood of Christ , our Lord
vahn
I'm vahn , and I am just one of those "lost" souls who "found" a set of directions to lead me to a better place than the place I was in , and I put found in quotations because it found me , rather than me finding "it".
I don't how many of us are out there that would not do anything or give anything to go back to those moments we so cherish , so we can do or undo our so-called "mistakes" and make things all different . But , we all know too well , we can't , but what what we CAN do is , like Lizzie mentioned , is move on , and move on we must , and you know what else ? We all WANT to move on but for some reason or other some of us find ourselves we can't ! , Or so it seems . But brother , let me assure you that we CAN ! I am living proof of that , and that is how I know .
One of the MAJOR reasons that we can't seem to be able to move on is the fact that we have not done anything different since the time of our making the "mistakes" , yes we had felt sorry we made them , yes we promised everyone , including ourselves we would not do it again , asked for all kinds of forgiveness time and time again , but , for one reason or other we still couldn't find , as you put it , "the thing that I felt was missing" you know why ? Because we have done absolutely nothing about the "mistake" itself ! We just felt something or other about it , we felt bad about the consequences that followed those mistakes , but as far as the mistake itself is concerned we had done absolutely nothing about , and that , my brother , is the reason why we find ourselves being "stuck" so to speak .
Here's a perfect example ;
I hoped they'd go to sleep, cause that meant that I could head out to the bar and drink,
See why and where we're "stuck" and "can't" move on ?
Here , every time you look at those pictures , and / or the memory of it comes to mind you immediately think of or mention and connect " I hoped they'd go to sleep, cause that meant that I could head out to the bar and drink," and that is where it hurts most doesn't it ? Let me tell you brother , I don't know about you , but that is exactly where it hurt me for the longest time , and i had found myself saying almost the same things you are now .
Here's where the solution lied for me . It wasn't until I did something about what "caused" the problem the problem did not go away , the sad part of it was that , even when I found out what the cause of the "problem" was , I still could not do anything about it on my own .
I know what you're thinking , you're probably saying " I thought you were going to give me the solution ? " Well brother , I just did , I said there is absolutely nothing we can do of our own devices to remedy that "problem" on our own , It has to come from a Power that is Greater than our problem , that is Greater than ourselves , which means , IT Has to Come From God ! Only then , that we are able to look at those photos once again and say something like , "I used to look at these pix , all I could see was this and that mistake , but now , But for the Grace of God , I don't have to go through that again ! " and move on !
In Brotherhood of Christ , our Lord
vahn
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vahn - Posts: 809
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by Dora » Wed Jan 06, 2010 7:53 am
Wonderfilledone 
Good to see you are doing the steps.
They are wonderful.
I enjoyed the story of the pictures. It makes me sad when I think of my children as babies because I miss those days so badly. I read how you felt and It made me smile a bit to know I'm not the only one missing when my kids were little. They grew so fast. Just flew right by.
Good to see you are doing the steps.
They are wonderful.
I enjoyed the story of the pictures. It makes me sad when I think of my children as babies because I miss those days so badly. I read how you felt and It made me smile a bit to know I'm not the only one missing when my kids were little. They grew so fast. Just flew right by.
Sorrow looks back, Worry looks around, But faith looks up! Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly and trust in our Creator who loves us.-
Dora 
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by Tam » Wed Jan 06, 2010 8:39 am
Wonderfilled forgiving ourselves is a hard thing to face. We know all the wrong we did and the harm it caused...but we have to let it go at the feet of Jesus and let Him begin to mold our heart into what He wants it to be.
We have to forgive us in order for us to grow.
Glad to see that you are doing the steps and reaching out. Keep up the good work! God is on your side
luv ya
We have to forgive us in order for us to grow.
Glad to see that you are doing the steps and reaching out. Keep up the good work! God is on your side
luv ya
Even in the hardest of times...He is there holding our hand
see my web page here: Peace After The Storm
see my web page here: Peace After The Storm
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Tam - Posts: 957
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by Lani » Wed Jan 06, 2010 6:49 pm
Hi Wonderfilled One! 
So great to see you doing the steps bro!!!
Ahh, yes... self forgiveness is a toughie. I understand your desire to return to when your daughters were younger... because looking back you better appreciate what you didn't see then.
One thing that stood out....
I understand that this realty hurts.... but.... in order to find peace from this you must first find the pain that began before it. As brother Vahn said, first identify the source... of what caused you to self medicate so long ago... Give it to Papa, seek forgiveness in your heart and release the pain, even just little bits at a time. When you've begun that process, you will only see the things you now regret as unhealthy choices you made to avoid your initial pain. It is likely this hurt began at an age when you weren't able to understand, process, or heal from such a thing. It is my guess that you began to hide the pain then.... and by the time you were older, when worldly choices were so available, you had piled up a good amount of crud. It is a horrible cycle, but I can say with full certainty, Papa is bigger then anything you faced and He is in your corner, cheering you on.
You cannot "earn" Papa's forgiveness... Jesus paid that debt. Realizing that His love outweighs all the choices you made is very freeing, and an awesome step toward forgiving yourself. If He can forgive us, who are we to say you cannot be forgiven?
Accept Jesus into your heart, (if you haven't already) and release the guilt you carry bro.
It is never to late to begin to build a relationship with your children... perhaps as you grow through this walk, you can also grow with them.
I am so glad you've decided to begin this journey... please know, as you do, some steps will reveal deep hurts, other things you've unknowingly buried and "forgotten"... will it be easy? Nope.... BUT! Is it worth it? OH YES!
We are all here for you, unconditional love bro, if you feel you can't go on, please remember you are NOT ALONE! Reach out to any or all of us and know we are here to help!
Prayers are with you and your family always!
Peace and Luv in Christ,
Lani
So great to see you doing the steps bro!!!
Ahh, yes... self forgiveness is a toughie. I understand your desire to return to when your daughters were younger... because looking back you better appreciate what you didn't see then.
One thing that stood out....
Wonderfilled One wrote:I hoped they'd go to sleep, cause that meant that I could head out to the bar and drink,
I understand that this realty hurts.... but.... in order to find peace from this you must first find the pain that began before it. As brother Vahn said, first identify the source... of what caused you to self medicate so long ago... Give it to Papa, seek forgiveness in your heart and release the pain, even just little bits at a time. When you've begun that process, you will only see the things you now regret as unhealthy choices you made to avoid your initial pain. It is likely this hurt began at an age when you weren't able to understand, process, or heal from such a thing. It is my guess that you began to hide the pain then.... and by the time you were older, when worldly choices were so available, you had piled up a good amount of crud. It is a horrible cycle, but I can say with full certainty, Papa is bigger then anything you faced and He is in your corner, cheering you on.
You cannot "earn" Papa's forgiveness... Jesus paid that debt. Realizing that His love outweighs all the choices you made is very freeing, and an awesome step toward forgiving yourself. If He can forgive us, who are we to say you cannot be forgiven?
Accept Jesus into your heart, (if you haven't already) and release the guilt you carry bro. It is never to late to begin to build a relationship with your children... perhaps as you grow through this walk, you can also grow with them.
I am so glad you've decided to begin this journey... please know, as you do, some steps will reveal deep hurts, other things you've unknowingly buried and "forgotten"... will it be easy? Nope.... BUT! Is it worth it? OH YES!
We are all here for you, unconditional love bro, if you feel you can't go on, please remember you are NOT ALONE! Reach out to any or all of us and know we are here to help!
Prayers are with you and your family always!
Peace and Luv in Christ,
Lani
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace." (Romans 15:13 -
Lani - Posts: 965
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by xxJILLxx » Thu Jan 07, 2010 11:39 am
Hello wonderfilled !
There are many times in our lives when we regret things we done... and forgivng ourselves is hard at times.
But one thing i found that not being able to forgive ourselves doesnt let us move forward in our relationship with God. It acts as a stumbling block. Forgiving ourselves releases a freedom, the freedom He wants us to feel because we were bought by a heavy price and forgiven. Oh what a wonderful God we serve!! He is mighty to save and has an overflowing of love for His children. He wants us to be happy and live a life of freedom in Him and with Him we have the power to do just that.
I pray that God will comfort you in knowing that u are forgiven and give u the keys to move forward in your relationship with Him. IN Jesus name amen! You are on a wonderful journey my friend, a journey with some bumps in the road be assured there will be bumps.. but we grow in Him during those bumps and the outcome is always victory! Glory to God for what He is doing in your life! IM excited to see where Hes taking you.
Gbu
♥Jill
♥♥I strive to love others as Christ loves me... Ephesians 5:1 Be imitators of God therefore as dearly loved children and live a life of love...♥♥
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Hey to All!!
by Wonderfilled One » Sun Jan 17, 2010 9:04 pm
I just got my computer FIXED!!!! Finally! Since Jan. 2nd...Sooo frustrating at times.
I just got done reading all of your replies, and I really want to Thank You All for your support. It means a lot. During the time I was absent from Oasis and connection to you, seemed like soo many little things kept going wrong, like I was spiritually off-balance. Didn't like the distance. Missed the fellowship. Glad to be back
I just got done reading all of your replies, and I really want to Thank You All for your support. It means a lot. During the time I was absent from Oasis and connection to you, seemed like soo many little things kept going wrong, like I was spiritually off-balance. Didn't like the distance. Missed the fellowship. Glad to be back
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Wonderfilled One - Posts: 87
- Location: Under HIS Stars
- Marital Status: Seperated
Day 3
by Wonderfilled One » Sun Jan 17, 2010 9:48 pm
The Grace of God...what an Awesome thing!!! There are many times when I am listening to a song or sermon, that the thought of His Love and forgiveness just overwhelms me. That feeling of not deserving it. Rooted in the guilt and shame of the past. Must keep looking ahead. God has a plan, and a better life lies ahead.
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Wonderfilled One - Posts: 87
- Location: Under HIS Stars
- Marital Status: Seperated
by mlg » Sun Jan 17, 2010 10:12 pm
Amazing Grace....it's so good to know that we don't have to do anything to earn God's grace...we just have to accept it. God does have a plan...and His plan is always the best.
Don't let the past hold you back...you do deserve God's grace, and He wants you to have it. He finds you to be His beautiful child and He loves you so.
luv ya
Don't let the past hold you back...you do deserve God's grace, and He wants you to have it. He finds you to be His beautiful child and He loves you so.
luv ya
Do you know my Jesus? Do you know my friend? Have you heard He loves you? If not, I'd like to introduce you.
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