Christianity Oasis Forum

[Cali]

I used to cut. I don't even know why I did it. Maybe because it was the popular thing to do at the time. I stopped doing it over 5 years ago, and I haven't really had the desire since. And I don't really want to cut now, but I want to do something equally bad to my body. I don't know why. All I can think about is hanging my self or slashing my wrists or carbon monoxide poisoning. They say carbon monoxide poisoning is the best way to kill yourself. I don't really want to kill myself or cause any permanent damage or anything. I just want to hurt for a few minutes. I'm stuck in this cycle where the only other thing I can think about, other than hurting myself, is how stupid I am, how much of a loser I am, how no one will ever want to be with me, and how even my parents would leave if they knew who I really was.
What's really messed up about this is I'm the good kid. I'm the seminary student who went to Bible college and knows all the right answers. But the thing is knowing the right answers hasn't done me any good. Not that I went to Bible college and learned the right answers for myself. But it would be nice to have the right answers travel the 18 inches from my head to my heart. They seem to be stuck there in my head these days, and I don't know how to get them out. It seems like it would be incredibly simple, but alas it is not.

[mlg]

Hi Revanto welcome to the Oasis counseling.

Sis, I want to begin by saying that self mutilation of any sorts is not a solution to healing. And suicidal tendencies of any kind....whether it be as you said to just temporarily find relief....will only cause you more hurt. What you need is healing....what you want is healing....what will take away all your pains and hurts is Jesus. Yes I know you know this in your mind as you said.....but what you need is to feel Him deep within your heart. I have a feeling though that the reason He hasn't been able to reach your heart is because you've built a wall around your hurt. As if to keep hurt from ever entering your heart again...but the problem with that is when you build a wall...you keep love out as well. So we've got to begin to tear that wall down...one brick at a time...one step at a time. Sis I will be here for you, every step of the way. Jesus is right there holding out His hand....He is reaching, and He is waiting for you to reach back....I think you've began the first step towards doing that. You can do this sis.

Praying for you sis, and here for you...keep sharing.

luv ya

[comfy]

me, too, Revanto . . . smart in the head, but . . .

I trust God to make me better, and I keep doing this. And because I'm finding it can take time and I can fail and still get messy and sin for pleasure . . . this means I can feel for others who are failing and feeling like they aren't getting anywhere >

"He can have compassion on those who are ignorant and going astray,
since he himself is also subject to weakness."
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .(Hebrews 5:2)

But I do find that God has made me better and better, though I can still have my times of failure and giving in to foolish pleasures and then be degraded in that spirit of that sinning. Yes, as I understand mlg is saying, if you do to hurt yourself you can only bring more hurt; but also . . . if we sin for pleasure, this can bring us to worse, because of the spirit being wrong and messing in our emotions. One reason, I would consider, for our pain, now, Revanto, is we maybe have been living for our convenience and certain treasure pleasures, and the spirit of this is now taking effect.

So, we need to put God first, over our lives. But doing this just to avoid pain . . . I would say the real motive needs to be to please You, LORD our Father. John 12:25 and Luke 9:23-24 > and if I want to have companionship that is really right in love, I myself need to get truly honest with God and submissive to Him, so I can connect with people who are really obeying God. So, I have been trusting God and offering myself to Him, for Him to do this with me . . . to correct me however He knows is needed, and keep after this, no matter how I may fail, still. So, I pray this for you, too, Revanto . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

kissing You, LORD, with thanksgiving, and knowing there is hope for her . . . . . .

[deetu]

Hi Rev
Have you ever met someone who could memorize a book but when it came to common sense, there was nothing there? I believe that all that seminary and Bible study is nothing without the Holy Spirit guiding you. That is how it gets from your heart to your mind because the heart is where the faith is.

Saying you are stupid, a loser, no one will want you are all word curses that the enemy wants you to believe but it's not the truth because he's a liar.

You ARE a good kid. That is the truth.

This study is good. It will help you find that path from you mind to your heart...and it's lit by the Holy Spirit.
Stick with it. We will all be here for you.

[vahn]

Hey Rev

Praise be to our Lord that He led you to this forum to express what's in your head , and you know what ? Speaking of myself and my own experience(s) , I had to learn , and yes it was harder to do than "understanding" or gaining knowledge , was that I cant trust my head , but the dilemma was , in the past , I didn't know where else to go but my head , well , here , I didn't know I can go to my heart instead , out of fear , disappointments , too many "hurts" , and the list goes on and on , and those were the exact reasons I couldn't fathom our Lord being there as well , they were covering Him up , and because I couldn't "find" Him thru all that garbage I ended up not trusting my heart either .
So , can't trust my head , can't trust my heart , what's next ? ... Oblivion !!
Anything will do , drugs , suffocation , cutting , sinful pleasures , you name it , and you know what ? Temporarily it did give me that relief , (from my head) , and I ended up addicted to that RELIEF , rather than the substance or action . Bad news was , that when the "relief" wore out I found myself back in square one and the cycle continued .
Does that make me stupid ? No . What it did make me was hungry and thirsty for spiritual relief , but instead of reaching for the Everlasting Water and The Bread of Life , I was reaching for Mars bars and Perrier .

The steps here showed me a way of recognizing what is covering up The Light , and getting rid of them , and getting rif of are the operative words here , and only in so doing , like MLG mentioned , "one brick at a time" the walls will crumble all by themselves , remember Joshua ? they had to go around the walls for seven days with prayers and praise with fierce determination that it is The Lord that will do the "crumbling" , all they had to do was the "walking" and praying .

Final note , when we build the wall we not only leave Love out but we also leave the hurt in as well .

Keep up the good work we're all here for you every step of the way .


Luv ya

[Dora]

Hello Revanto
Good to see you here in the counseling.
I know that feeling, having it in the head and not the heart and I've heard the whispers calling suicide.
That's what they are whispers. Wouldn't it be just so easy for the enemy if his biggest concern was out of his way. Yes, you. It would make his job much easier if you were not a threat to him. Don't let him win. Keep up the good fight.
If you are seeking for the knowledge to have an effect on your heart, it will come. Let's continue to pray and seek him as we wait for him to capture your heart.
Your parents wouldn't like who you really are? I know God does. Because he sees the real you. His forgiven child whom he loves dearly.
God loves you sis and so do I!
Hang in there. He will see you through.

[momof3]

Hey Revanto

Just wanted to add a few things to whats already been said here. Ya know where the battle is...its in the mind. You know the scripture that talks about taking all thoughts captive and casting down imaginations....im sure you know it well. Sis, this is a battle..and the battlefield is in the mind. Its not easy to cast down these thoughts and lies the enemy has had a strong hold through...the little whispers that say you are worthless...the ones that say you are of no value. Look at the cross sis. Was that enough? Was God sending His Son to die for you enough to show you that He truly does love you and that you are worth more than life to Him? Take these thoughts captive sis, and cast down the imaginations, replacing them with God's truth...after all, Who IS Truth and who is the liar? And, Who does our strength come from, since He is the One Who created you to love Him?

Im standing with you in prayer in this, sis. You will get through this...seek truth...i can say that the enemy would attack anyone who is a threat to his plan...someone who has been called to preach....so, who are you going to believe?

in Jesus,
love momo

[learningtoagape]

I'm new here but just wanted to say hello and be encouraged God loves you to much to leave you as you are. Be blessed.