My Feelings of Inadequacy: All Advice Surely Welcomed!

[Deepsi]

Good morning, all!

God is doing a mighty work in my life, and I Want to thank y'all for being there for me.

I need some input/godly wisdom about an issue that's ticklin' me funny. Warning: this is a tad lengthy-I'm a little long-winded.

I have been with my partner in crime (some people like to call them boyfriends, take your pick ) for about 16 months. He's a sweet, very caring guy (of course, a Christian), and I am very grateful that we were brought together.

Now obviously, I'm part of SOS now. We took our relationship into our own hands, and we began to do things that gratify our immediate needs. I also have become obsessed and addicted with inappropriate thoughts.

Something happened this past weekend that broke the camel's back for me, and I came on Oasis for help. PRAISE GOD Jill was here to minister to me! The Holy Spirit really overcame me, and I began to realize that I have been neglecting my walk with Christ for this guy.

My partner in crime and I have been very open with each other (I'm not talking the "naughty" way, right now). So after a great time meeting with you SOS people last night, I decided to talk with him about it.

While I was telling him about how I need to focus on my relationship with Christ, he kept saying things like, "That's so great!" and "I'm so glad God is finally opening your eyes!"

Wait a minute ...

To make things even more awkward sounding, he continued with the following (this isn't EXACTLY verbatim): "I knew I wanted to be with you in the beginning. You were much wilder then (in his defense-I was), and I knew that if you weren't with me, you would be with someone else who would probably treat you worse."

It gets better ...

"I know you have problems with your self-image and self-worth. That's why I allowed YOU to take our relationship this far. If I had said no, you would have felt unattractive. So, for the sake of making you feel beautiful and to possibly bring you back to God, I went along with it."

*sigh*

I'm feeling very trashy right now. He's the one I would run to when I felt unworthy and inadequate ... and now he has made me feel this way. I know God is leading me in the right direction, out of this sinful behavior. I know God desires me, and is calling me back to His arms. I know that He is the one I need to be turning to do define my self-worth. My boyfriend's response to all of this, however, has made me feel like a freak. He acknowledged that it takes two to tango, but my goodness ...

Has anyone ever been made to feel this way by their partner? What did you do? Help!

[Tam]

Wow Deep sounds like he is an understanding man and cares alot about you. I don't think he at all meant the things he said hurtful but that he is thankful that you are realizing first and foremost that you need Jesus. Sounds like he is more concerned with your relationship with Christ more than anything.
Continue to be open and honest with him. Forgive yourself for all and ask Jesus to help you in the areas that you are weak. He will make you strong and He will be all you need.
You are by no means a freak! You are a child of the most High God and He loves you dearly.
I will be praying for you .
Love you sis
Tam

[mlg]

Deep, those shared words from your boyfriend, are words of love and caring. He is admitting to you how he truly feels, and that is often hard for men to just be open and honest because they are afraid of hurting the one they love.

No need to be embarrassed sis...your not a freak or anything like that. The enemy wants you to think this, but don't believe the lies. You are a sinner saved by grace, and you have started a new path with God. You should be proud.

luv ya

[xxJILLxx]

Deep big hug for ya sis!

i am so proud of the way you are committing yourself back to Him, that is so important because He loves you so very much. I am also proud of the fact, and it shows the Father that you are serious, that you shared this with your partner in crime.

I think that he spoke out of love and sometimes those words are hard to swallow. But i dont think all the blame should be shifted to you, in fact i dont think the blame should even be tossed around. I would just focus on forgiving one another and working together to making God the center of the relationship. And if i he is a willing participant to do this with you that makes it all the more beautiful. COme to the realization that there has been a shift in your life and things are going to look so differnetly now that you are beginning to put Christ back in the center of your life.

And remember God wants the best for all of us, he is a good and loving God and cares so much for you and your partner in crime. Take everything from the perspective of living for Christ is gain, not loss... its a win win situation.

Remember who you are in Christ, you are a co hier to the throne.. instead of looking up to the Father and saying father help me, look down from the heavens on the situation and say ok God help me to see what is going here and how am i supposed to grow from this or how is this situation going to bring Glory to "our" (yes ours because we are co heirs with Christ) kingdom. We have power and wisdom and strength from God and we need to embrace these things He gives us and utilize them to bring Him glory and honor because ultimately. He is working for the good of us and we are to be working for the good of His kingdom. Its a relationship, we build each other up. As you regain your intimacy with your King all these problems will fade as He becomes the center of your every being, because He will be your focus. Not saying things will be peachy keen because trust me i know they wont BUT GOD, is there with you and it is so much better to know that you are doing what pleases Him, He doesnt give us rules to keep us from "fun" etc He gives us guidelines to live by because in all His wisdom He knows that these things can lead us astray from our relationship with Him. He gives us the guidelines because He wants to keep us close to Him.

Oh what a wonderful God we serve and have, that He cares so much for us.

Ty Father

Deep you are in my prayers and so is y9our partner in crime

Gbu both and im excited to see what God is doing in your life!

love ya sis

♥Jill

[Deepsi]

I need to package y'all up, label you "Deep's Voices of Reason", and put you in my pocket.

Call me a poor girlfriend, but I took what he said completely wrong (obviously). I'm so glad y'all can see the beauty in what he was trying to say ... and then letting me on it. Seriously.

I hope y'all don't mind, but I'm going to print out some of these Truths that y'all have posted and stick 'em (you guessed it) on my mirror. It's amazing how powerful your mind can be--you can make yourself believe whatever you want, even if it's thinking the worst of people. I need meditate more so on what God says ... I need to give Him the power. *recites to self* "...take captive every thought, making it obedient to Christ ..."

*sigh* I know we are all a work in progress ... I just feel so behind!

Just fair warning to all of y'all: I might be asking more questions about this (I'm obviously trying to make things right and things work out--letting God help out this time ). I was asking just the other day, whether or not it's possible to close a floodgate, and still continue on in a relationship. I actually asked one of my best friends yesterday this question, and her response scared me: I think you have to take action now or else it's going to mess with both of your heads: you either marry him or break up with him. Seriously now ... It doesn't have to be that way ... right?

Thank y'all so much for the advice and ALL the prayers! Love each and everyone of y'all!

And of course, I'm praying for y'all!



[[after hitting the spellcheck, I realize I say "y'all" way too much ... my apologies! ]]

[mlg]

Well here is something you might want to think about sis. If you know that you have a spirit of lust that tempts you often, then you might really consider marriage, if you love this man and want to be with him for a lifetime. But...I think for now...both of you need to concentrate on building a relationship strong in the Lord. Then everything else will fall in place.

luv ya bunches and ask all the questions you want.

[xxJILLxx]

i totally agree with mlg



Mark 14:38
Watch ye and pray, lest ye enter into temptation. The spirit truly is ready, but the flesh is weak.




Luke 8:13
They on the rock are they, which, when they hear, receive the word with joy; and these have no root, which for a while believe, and in time of temptation fall away.

But also if you are BOTH dedicated to Christ fully there is this side of it


1 Corinthians 10:13
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

as mlg has said keep God the center all else will fall into place.

Gbu

♥Jill

[Guest]

The respnses here are so good and so true. We need to put God first in our lives and allow Him to do His work in our lives. He will guide you through this situation. You can ask as many quistions as you like and don't ever thank that you are a a freak. Like it was said that is just our enemy telling you that because he knows he is loosing another soul.


Your doing great keep praying and letting God take control



B.B.B.