Christianity Oasis Forum

[Whisperingsprings]

Before reading this post, please . . .

I am working through my issues just like anyone else. I really hope that I don't get flamed for what I've written. In Christian groups I do consider the scripture "faithful are the wounds of a friend" to be abused by many. As a way of trying to be nice but not necessarily "a word fitly spoken".

I am here to support you and will try to learn how to nudge you gently toward Christ as you make your life decisions. I hope that others will be willing to do the same for me.

I have been trying to quietly sort through all my "junk" for a while now and haven't felt comfortable being transparent. I'm taking a big gamble here, but think it is worth a shot. If it goes to hell in a handbasket, then it just does.

I do hope that I can help you and you will be able to help me also; irregardless of our differences. I think the post will be a bit difficult to understand as it was not written as easily as this introduction. However, the situations described therein have not been mentally or emotionally processed. As such, it is "rough around the edges".

Thank you,
WS


Hi,

Been looking for a safe place to work through my issues/vent and communicate honestly and openly.

Have had a few marital problems. I suppose that's putting it lightly.

Spouses' health not too good.

Spouse had addictive behaviors; but now he is working through everything really well. Sooo, I should be okay and good to go, right? Not really. I'm a mess.

I spent over a year crying on and off. (This was before, he decided that a change was in order.) Finally, the tears wouldn't flow anymore. There just weren't anymore tears. I did see a counselor for a long time through the process, and it was helpful. However, the anger etc didn't just go away. It would pop out every now and again. Over all my counselor and internist (yeah, my physician) thought I was doing as best as I could. And I was pretty honest. I even had my antidepressants increased to cope. I began planning my life without spouse. I began planning my life and the lives of our children without spouse. I even took a different job in preparation. I'd been sleeping on the couch for most of the year already . . .


I have worked at 2 different places since April. I have been questioned whether I was married or "investigated/scoped out" 3-4 times or more. I was also asked if I was happily married. My reply "Yes". Logically, this is always the correct answer. Emotionally . . . well I just answered the question saying "yes" anyway.

Sex life over here, has not been gratifying. Spouse reminds me of person who molested me. Spouse's verbal responses etc, during this time are usually turn-offs.

Soooo, here I sit. My spouse is still the most wonderful person I've ever met and probably will always be. Spouse has taken a much greater interest in their own health and our children. This is helping me to settle into the marriage better.

I am still very sexual; however, and this isn't going away. I don't want want it to go away.

I am pretty hungry and, there is no connection with my spouse in this area. Because of this, I'm kicking off signals right and left at work!!! I don't want a negative reputation. I am trying to learn how to manage this, but oftentimes, I've already said something or done something inappropriately before I realize what happened. (Two nights ago, I was asked who I was talking to on the phone--apparently my voice had a sensual sound to it.)

I am trying to correct my behaviors when I can catch them and I am paying attention to others responses to me . . . . . however, I am on the internet more now . . . . . . . . .

I've tried being a satisfying partner but there has been minimal attempt to return the favor until recently. Why do I have to ask someone to read the book that they bought in the past-due to this same issue--to learn how to please me?

I just don't get it. I read books to learn how to care for my children. I went to the internet and found information on how to "care for the spouse". I paid attention to see if what I learned was a good experience or not for the other person. The spouse has tried once, which was nice. I am grateful and still hungry.

I'm tired frustrated and wishing that someone would just be willing to put as much work into a relationship as I am. I am grateful for my family. I really am. But I am getting tired again of putting sooo much effort in and would like to get something in return. I'm glad all of us make up the Bride of Christ. That way He gets some kind of return for all the hard work he has put into relationship with us.

Meanwhile, I still think about the future. Just because we change behaviors doesn't mean that the consequences disappear. Since most individuals of the opposite sex that I am attracted to don't typically want me, I decided perhaps I should investigate an alternate lifestyle because, I want to be loved too. I am finding that there are other women who feel the same and don't want to try to make m/f relationships work anymore due to this among other issues.

[mlg]

Hi whisperingsprings. Welcome to the Oasis and to the S.O.S. forum.

Please know that you will not find judgement here...only love and support.

Sounds like your in a struggle here. I want to begin by asking a few questions if you don't mind. How long have you been married? Was your marriage fulfilling in the beginning or has it just become this way over the years?

Now I want to share with you that there is an enemy out there who is trying to tear apart marriages daily. Like you shared here, whether it be sexual issues, or words said, or anything...he is looking to devour your marriage. It sounds as if you would be really happy with your husband if he were to understand your needs a little more.

This is something that God would like to help you with...but in order for Him to do that, God needs you to come and sit with Him a bit. He is reaching out His hand and wants to get to know you, and become your best friend. He loves you. He can heal your marriage but He needs to develop a relationship with you first and foremost.

We have some programs here sis, that I think might be of help. One is the Christian Counseling program. If your interested, you might want to think about looking into it.

Praying for you sis and your family. Hope to meet you in the chatroom sometime. It's wonderful to have you here.

Take care and God Bless you.

[xxJILLxx]

hello!

welcome to sos!

I pray you find this to be a very helpful tool and secure as well as we encourage and help one another.


without knowing much of the details it is hard to be able to decipher what is going on.

You say you still have anger

However, the anger etc didn't just go away. It would pop out every now and again.

May i ask why you are angry to better be able to help we need to get to some of the roots of the problems.



I am so sorry you wre molested, i myself was a victim of molestation and feel your pain

Sex life over here, has not been gratifying. Spouse reminds me of person who molested me. Spouse's verbal responses etc, during this time are usually turn-offs.

i think maybe if you havent already worked through these areas to start healing from the abuse you were a victim of , now would be a good time to start healing.

I am trying to learn how to manage this, but oftentimes, I've already said something or done something inappropriately before I realize what happened.

Some ways i fight off temptation are reading His Word, listening to praise and worship music, prayer and fleeing from it and not flirting with the temptation.

i would suggest a few things


have you tried the Love dare?many have found it beneficial in restoring their marriages.

and i would like to suggest the counseling steps here, there is alot of healing in them and it is worth the time and effort.

heres the link:
http://www.christianityoasis.com/CCCC/Forum.htm

Hope to see you post again soon and know that you will be in my prayers.

Gbu

♥Jill

[Guest]

welcome to sos. You will find that this forum is very private and You will not have to worry about anyone judgeing you. Like it has already been said, we have a true enemy out there trying to split familys up and steel the souls that belong to God. You will find some wonderful help and advice through the folks here. God has truely blessed this program and I believe He has lead you here for a reason. Please don't be nervouse about being honest and opened because I am a male. I joined this group because of sexual sins in my life and I would like to help from a male side of it however I can.

God Bless you

[Whisperingsprings]

spouse was great tonight. he bought chocolate cake for dessert. he made dinner. and he went through the kids dvds, getting rid of what they don't watch anymore.

i was grateful.

he tried to work on the dishes but i told him "no". He needed a break. He dropped movies off at the movie rental place and went for a short drive. I played scrabble with one of the kids while the other watched tv. All 3 of us took turns playing with the dog.

After playing with the kids I retreated to the computer. I played cafe world and farmville on facebook. definite improvement.

to respond to someone why i was angry:
it was just pain. Pain is expressed many different ways in different people. For me it was anger. I'm not as angry now - Fall 2009. Where as for parts of 2008 through early 2009, I have really struggled with the hurt disappointment, grieving, etc. It was what it was.

I'm readjusting though . . . I think. Well, heck, I don't know what I am doing other than surviving, keeping food on the table, and trying to be a good kind person - for lack of a better phrase. (I don't know a better way to express that last sentence.)

Really, I think that's pretty much where the spouse is too. It just is what it is, I guess.

***grieving arrives. tears behind eyes. slow the breathing. push the emotion down. slowly it fades away.**** What I typed is what I felt at the exact moment when I wrote the words.

I'm not here to be high-maintenance. I hope I'm not high maintenance, anyway.



I did go to the link that was posted for the counseling. I will work through the journaling again, as long as I don't have to feel the intensity of pain/cry or whatever it is/was that hurt(s) sooo bad.

[Geez, that's twice now with the moist eyes issue]

I've never had an issue with alcoholism or cutting; but, my goodness, I understand why people do. Sometimes, life is a bit painful.

All in all, today is pretty good. Tomorrow I will hang on to the kids for a while, then I will catch up on sleep so I can go to work. I will take my Bible to work and hopefully find a place to read. It does help to give me peace inspite of what goes on around me.

[Guest]

I am glad to here that things went better for ya. No body here is high mantience we all just need people in our lives to talk to when we are down. We all also need encouragement from time to time. I think that is wonderful that you are going to take your Bible to work. Also, don't forget about prayer


GBU

B.B.B.

[mlg]

Whisperingsprings, healing can often bring tears, but it's ok to have those tears, even Jesus wept at times.

Sis, if you would like to share your journal here in this forum, please do. You will find much encouragement as you go along, and even some advice here and there.

Right now it may seem like your just going through the motions of life instead of being able to enjoy it, but there is healing on it's way in the counseling steps...and you deserve the healing.

Take care and God Bless

[Whisperingsprings]

Thanks for all your supportive posts. I really do appreciate reading them.

Honestly, I feel pretty silly coming here to work through all this stuff. The only problem is that when I stuff things too often something "leaks out" somewhere.

As long as I keep things under control, I'm pretty good, like right now. Definitely, a thumbs up kinda day.

So far, I have ducked into one not so great internet site once in the last 24 hours. This is pretty good for me. For some people the site is okay to peruse actually. Even for some Christians, it isn't a problem at all. For me, it's difficult emotionally etc. It brings up strange emotions, sometimes inappropriate emotions, and other times, just a saddness and longing.

Someone brought up journalling here on the site. I would really like to do that however, I have a couple of concerns.
1). I would probably be more graphic than is healthy for anyone to read.

2). I am hoping that if I keep posting here, others will find a steady amount of activity in this forum and head on over.

I have noticed that many Christian forums either have very limited activity or even almost no activity. Even when looking for a support group in this forum, I found last posts occurring in October or the beginning of November.


I joined one support group in a different board and the "healthy-appropriate-for-me-support-group" had posts once every month maybe.
The "good group" wasn't helping anyone. Just because ther wasn't enough traffic visiting and posting.

I went to another less appropriate place and found lots of great information, open honest communication, etc.

I'll try posting here for a while to see if other people drift in a bit more frequently. Maybe that would be helpful for everyone?

[Poefenjaf]

Hi whispering-sis

Keep sharing away. One thing you have to remember ... there are a lot of hurting people in here. Many of us come and read in SOS, but we may be scared or hurt or uncomfortable to share and share openly. So often others sharing openly will pave the way for others to open up more. I myself don't share in here much, not because I am not open enough about my abuse, rape or issues, but because I don't always have the time to come in here. When I do come, I read other people's posts. Then I pray for them. I only share when I feel God leads me to share.
I have been through molestation, rape, satanism and even dabbled with some porn and stuff like that. God has set me free from all of that, so I come in here to pray for others ... and share when He leads me to.

Keeps sharing.

[Whisperingsprings]

Say, that's good advice. Thanks.

[mlg]

Whisperingsprings, one thing I want to share to you is that this forum is for 18 years and older and also is a locked forum for several reasons, one being the content here is a lot heavier than most Christian forums will allow...In fact Satan would love for us to shove all the sexual issues under a rug...cuz then it's never brought out into the Light. But the issues remain...whether in the dark or in the Light. This forum was created in hopes of bringing the truth of the sexual sins that we struggle with to the Light in order to heal.

Please feel free to journal...I think the limits here are a little more free and open due to the privacy allowed in this forum. I'm sure Jill and Skrubby will be here shortly and will share what limits might be here in this forum...but I think they are fewer than you would expect in a Christian website...because we want the enemy to know we aren't going to hide the Truth..We want you to feel comfortable sharing here, as this is to be your sanctuary where Christian love can bring you healing....

sis GBU

[xxJILLxx]

absolutely mlg,

the forum is locked toonly those who have access granted and is very safe to share information that you most likely would be hesitant to share elsewhere.

i think posting yr journal for the counseling would be good to do here, as mlg has stated.


Gbu and will be praying for u

♥Jill