Christianity Oasis Forum

[vahn]

I was planning on using rollercoaster for a title , but after I posted yesteday , walking "home" , the thought of "you are what you think" crossed my mind, so I started reflecting on that a bit, and by the time I got there, I was still fiddeling with "what can I do to deflect harm with kindness - (a good remedy that works for me) - and I remembered what I did for my father as an effort to make amends to him. So, I decided to find a local soup kitchen or homeless shelter to offer my services as needed and dedicating it to my forgivings .
Now , I dont know if that was a blessing or mistake on my part , for I know it wasnt on Gods , 'cause I asked for His guidance and I was there @ 4:30 this morning helping the kitchen prep breakfast for the homeless ,
but lo and behold , to my astonishment and surprize , one of the guys I used to sponsor was one of the full time cooks , and that's where the rollercoaster ride started . Upon asking him what wes he doing there , he said , "following the advice you gave me 6 years ago making amends , 'been here since ! " I thought "uh ooh" , I said "Jeff, I meant it as a one time deal !! " ( joke) , then he said "you ?" "no , I'm not staying here that long Jeff , just for a couple of hours" He said " taking your own advice huh? " then came the ax , " I heard some rumors flying around about you relapsing" .
So I decide to catch the early bird meeting , (just to show them) right ?
then it dawned on me , that I have not gone to a meeting for almost month and a half , and most important , having gone through all this the thought of a drink didnt even crossed my mind , and that I was still sober , I passing by a dunkin doghnut , went to the restroom and hit the knees , thanking God with all I have for His Grace !

Something last night told me to print todays step 5 , for I didnt know wether I'd be able to access a computer , (Which, in my opinion, was God's voice) , so instead of going to the meeting , I decided to head back and study it , you know what ? my heart is still pumping 1000 beats a minute , read the topics ; Revenge,Fear,Mistrust,Anger,Grief,Hatred, all booby traps for a fall / relapse , and I didnt even think ,about a drink.
Now I know that this is not a big deal to a non-alkie , but for an alcoholic like me spells like nothing short of a miracle . Thank you God .

I'd been looking for something to pin-point what's behind my "survival" through all of that stuff , it finaly came clear to me,
I am Sober , By His Grace, and I am enduring all this through that also
and healing in the process .

[mlg]

Vahn, I am absolutely delighted to know that you volunteered at the food kitchen this morning. What a wonderful way to give back to Jesus.

Now I'm also glad that you are taking the steps seriously, and printing them just to keep up. I know there was lots in this step that spoke to your heart today. God is really working on getting your attention. He wants you to think on Him and allow Him to continue healing you, and replace the pain of what was with the joy of what is to come. I continue to pray for you my friend.

Take care and luv ya