Christianity Oasis Forum

[Lionhearted]

it was suggested that i post this response from a thread started by RickMt; its about drawing lines of safety in your marriage .... so here it is.

similar to the pro-life question: where does life begin? at conception, right. well, i believe an affair also, begins at conception. what i mean is that, it has to start somewhere ... nobody wakes up wanting to have an affair or to commit adultery, and yet it happens.

its not about every hug/kiss (show of affection) in cyberspace or other, being the intent ... its about the enemy of our marriages. he's very smart and crafty ... and how he twists and contorts what was good, to be used for his diabolical ends.

to think that we are smarter than satan, and not able to be tripped up by him, is just, well, foolishness (to our own detriment).

i find safety in respecting my husbands requests and wishes in this regard; God has set up, for us, a fail safe system ... if only we would just walk in it; and its so very simple. husbands love your wives ... don't do anything that is unloving ; wives respect your husbands ... don't do anything that is disrespectful ...

i believe that any of my actions or thoughts can be traced back to this basic parameter ... is it respectful ... or not??

your question: do i feel offended when darrell hugs another female ... yes and no ... no, because a "hug" is pretty benign, done in an open forum, like at church or a small group setting; yes because, (and this goes back to my ealier statement of "where does an affair get conceived" ... also though, being aware that it isn't only about physical touch, as Jesus stated that adultery can happen in the mind as well.

WE (darrell and i) for the safety and sanctity of our marriage relationship, believe the line is before "conception" ... we don't allow any areas in our relationships where the 'conception' of an affair could happen.

rick, what you said about the frog in the, slowly heating, water is too true! thats how satan works ... what really helped me understand his 'baiting' techniques was a fishing analogy ... why do we put worms on a hook to catch fish? ... to HIDE the hook !

if you started a private convo on computer or, an intimate "thing" (hug or other) ... and satan said, that right there ... is gonna lead to the destruction of your marriage by an affair (of course he would have a big cheese grin, right) ... basically, if he showed you the hook instead of the worm ....

what would you do?

the rub, as they say, is that we do not know, because we don't know the future .... yes, we know we shouldn't, and satan knows, that we know (confused yet) 

hence, the insidiousness of it.

after all is said and done ... i let darrell make this ruling for me and he lets me make it for him .... because .... my body (including my mind) belongs to him, he knows when he's feeling disrespected; and his body (including his mind) belongs to me, i know when i'm not feeling loved.

its teamwork, which is what we believe a marriage is about. not him and not me, its about the 'team'. the team has more significance than either of us.