Christianity Oasis Forum

[goofy371]

....well... FINALLY I have decided to try this program ... I have struggled a lot about it. This program was a reason I joined christianity oasis, but I found hundred reasons not to do it. I don't have time enough, my English is not good, 2 weeks are too long, and so on... But it came up in my mind again and again, people talked about it again and again... and I said NO, NO, NO. But God talked to me so clearly to me this week and I was so encouraged by gma and octoberc doing it, that I said God, well I will try it, but I need someone to do it together with me here in Latvia. So me and my friend decided to start today. Unfortunately she could not log in here, but she will do her personal journaling. I will do most of writing in my personal journal as well. I really really don't like doing any journaling, but I will try. Please pray for my friend, because it is real struggle doing anything in English, and it takes a lot of time.

Inese

[susidivah]

Hey Inese

Am glad God had your ear this week sis, meaning God was talking a lot about this program! Glad you felt encouraged by your friends here as well, that's what it's all about: encouraging each other in our Walks

And, it's great you have a friend to journey with as well! You both will get to know our God so much better through this study, and it can strengthen your earthly friendship as well!

I wish you all the best and will be excited to read of your progress... remember we are here for you if you need anything

God bless you richly,
Susi

[mlg]

Yay goofy, I'm so proud of you, and so is Jesus. It's wonderful to see you beginning the steps. Yep, it's easy to make excuses not to take that first step, the fear that you might loose something, or have to do something. Well actually the only thing you might loose sis, is the things that have held you back in life. Something you might have to do, is that you might just grow in the Lord. Both of those are wonderful things sis. I pray for you and your friend both as you begin this journey. May you know I'm here for you every step of the way.

luv ya

[lizzie]

Goofy my sis

It is so cool that you are doing this program and even more wonderful that you are encouraging a friend to do so as well.

This will be a spiritually eye-opening experience for you both.

I know what you mean about journaling, I am one of the few people that I know that has never kept a diary or anything similar , but journaling is an important part of this program, and as I have seen myself, when you get started, the words come

I luv u goofy

[goofy371]

I have 15 minutes until tomorrow and then I could do the next stepping stone
Did I say that I don't like writing down?! I have 5 pages written about stepping stone 2 :D
I will share some things...
It said... The problem is not YOU...
It is one of the most difficult things to believe in for me. I always blame myself about everything. Very often I think that I am the problem that should be removed. I feel guilty about everything what happens to me. I hate being myself. I hate my struggles, my hurts and wounds. when I look at myself I see only ugly blooding wounds which influences my life. I don't want it but I can not cope it and I hate it. Some times I think the world would be better without me. I know it comes from my past. My mom blamed me about all bad things happened in our life. She used to say that it would be better if I would not be created. That because of me she suffers, that I spoiled(damage) her life, just because I am. I try to oppose it, I know whose are lies, but so often I fell back.

Another thing I don't really trust God's miracles. I know and believe that God does miracles, but I don't try His miracles in my life, I don't trust miracles my heart desires. I don't have really reason not to trust, because God has blessed me with very obvious miracles. For example, once(It was about 6 years ago) at night I was telling girls in the boarding school about how God answers the prayers. They did not really believe and some laughed at me. Then we went to sleep. Later one of girls went to the WC. All others were asleep. We woke up from the terrified shouting "Inese, there is a cross above your bed" she continued to shout it again and again. She was so scared. I looked up and there was a cross of light above my bed. I can not explain, but I felt such peace and warmth flowing in my heart. He is the Lord. And it is just 1 example. you see I really should not doubt, but I do. Maybe I just don't trust fully His love towards me...

Inese

[mlg]

goofy, Trust is so difficult to build sometimes. The reason is that we take our past experiences and use them to build new relationships. Sounds like maybe your mom violated your trust with some of the words and actions she used towards you in the past. Therefore it has made it difficulat for you to believe in the Lord's trust. That said, it is important that you begin to let go of the past fears, and learn to Trust Him. He can do so much more in your life when you allow Him to. Sounds as if He has showed you many signs already, to gather your Faith in Him, now it's time to learn to lean into His arms. Let go and Let God sis...the Trust is ready to be had.

luv ya

[goofy371]

Today I feel hope growing in me...

It is so hard to forgive myself, I don't really know how...

Blaming myself that I can't do this and that I am blaming God that He created me so weak, but then God says

LET GO AND LET ME

[mlg]

Amen sis Listen to God. He is growing in you, and just surrender to Him. Forgive and live my sister. The joy you will have when you can forgive and not blame, it's called Freedom. Grab it and hang on tight, cuz once you accept the freedom the joy ride is gonna be a deLIGHTful one.

luv ya

[susidivah]

Keep fighting, goofy girl... the more your mind and heart turns to Him the more you find yourself yearning to be in His presence and to follow His Will... which includes forgiving yourself completely!

Yep, let go and let God

You're doing great sis hang in
Susi

[goofy371]

Step 4 is very hard for me. It seems I have to stop there for a while. I could not read it to the end. Tears was running down my face. I haven't forgiven one of my leaders at the church. I can not forgive that she left our youth group without leaving prepared youth leader behind her. The youth nights went worse and worse. I took over the leadership trying to save what has left. it was the year of nightmare. Everyday crying to God for youth. Nobody helped, nobody cared, only encouragement was saying that I am young and can not do anything, that youth nights stinks.My health went worse and worse, I hardly could stand up and only reason I kept going was the youth who needs Jesus.Things at University went worse and worse as well, I was not able to pass exams so I had to take a year off, I am steal dealing with consequences. At the end of the year one girl seeing all that joined and helped. We had to organize 10 days long youth camp. Both without any clue how to do it. It was very hard time, but the result was a real blessing. Slowly things went better with youth and it started growing. Now we both were leading. But now the previous leader came back. We have a team now. Last meeting we were discussing some things and she made me quite, she said that she is the leader not me and I wanted to ask her where have she been when we needed her the most, when things went so badly. It hurts so much, I can not to forgive it yet. I never wanted to take over the leadership I just could not watch how everything goes down and do nothing. I always have been angry at God that He has given me skills of leadership and organizing things, I always have wanted something different, very often I am running away from everything what is connected with leadership, but then I realize that I am doing it anyway. when I see something that could be very good for youth I start to organize it automatically and then I am angry at myself that I am doing it, because it is not my duty.

Will come back tomorrow again. Need some talk with God about it before I read this step again.

[mlg]

awwww goofy sis, I feel the pain in your words We don't understand at times why people do the things they do. What's more, when we step up to take the place of where one left off, we have to remember it may just be for a time, God's time. Maybe the Lord had to move that youth leader sis for some reason we don't know. Maybe He had a lesson to teach her in her walk with Him. In return, He gave you an opportunity to step up and reach those children. He was able to use you, for His work. One thing I noted was that you aren't able to share your thoughts since the youth leader has returned. I would ask that you find the time to sit down and talk to this youth leader, and try to build a team for Christ with this youth leader included. Explain how everyone needs teams to help support, and that more hands can do more reaching than just one.

Praying for you sis, don't give up, keep fighting through. Hope you find peace and comfort in the Lord, and are able to finish the step soon.

luv ya

[Tracy L]

hey sis,

I would like to add that it is wonderful that the Lord has gifted you with those leadership and organizational skills!! There is much need in the church and especially youth ministries for that. I have been reading your posts in here and I see so much love you have for others especially on that last post. Jesus' love shines through you to those youth kids.
I am sorry you got hurt but I agree with mlg on that matter. I just pray the Lord heal your heart and restore the relationship with the other group leader and all ya'll can work together for Jesus. That's always what He wants and sometimes we hurt ppl in the process. That's part of being a "family" and then we forgive and move on for God. I have had ppl in my old church hurt my feelings in one way or another and I just let God have it cuz I don't want to harden my heart towards anyone. And in the same way I may have offended someone and I always pray to know if I did so I can say I am sorry and ask for forgiveness from them.

Tracy