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My Journal for the 14 step program (also on step 2 now)

Postby Kashira » Sun Jul 06, 2008 5:35 pm

I don't really get step 2 but I think it means just to think of like things that have happened to cause you to feel the way that you do. Or something like that. Of that matter. Right now all I feel is anger. I get mad really easily it doesnt even take much. Even if it's just a spark it evolves and just gets bigger. This feeling never goes away. Even if it does it's only gone not even less than an hr before it comes back. I seem to be mad all the time. When I try to be patient it never works. Seems like there is no hope for me at all or anything. Don't really know what to do anymore. My summer is boring as usual especially in real life. Here isn't so bad but its not real life I don't have any friends in real life or anything. Nothing has changed. The things I want havent came yet. I don't see why everything is God's timing all the time. Cant he see that I need the things now? If he gave us the things I needed I don't think I would be depressed or feeling like I do now at all. I don't even know how school is going to turn out for me. If I'll meet new friends or anything. Depression and anger also other feelings are all that seems to consume me at the moment. I can't even see myself happy anymore or if anyone will come to my rescue. I've always had to come on the computer because my real life sucks. Its like my life is here and not in the real world like it should be. I dont really ask for much. Even if it was just 1 friend to hang with at school instead of being by myself. Or something. God sending me someone in real life. I keep thinking to myself why am I even here. Or what is my purpose. Im so distraught and what, hurt,depressed, sad and the list goes on. If something doesn't happen soon I guess I'll be like this forever. And it seems like no one cares. Especially here in real life.
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Postby mlg » Sun Jul 06, 2008 7:58 pm

Kashira I smile to hear your words, especially when you say the computer is not in real life. I want to tell you that I am a real person and so are you. I am a mom of a teenager, just like you. She struggles too with life, just like you. I know it's not easy. I know it's hard to understand. I know you are frustrated. But it doesn't have to be that way. Seek God, place Him first. Right now Satan has you right where he wants you. Dwelling on the things you don't have instead of the things you do have. Do you realize there are people out there, that are just like you, but don't have a computer where they can come online and have friends? You are blessed to have that, and God has given you that ability.

I know you wonder why God does what He does and when He does it. Right now you feel an urgent need for companionship, and Jesus wants to be your true companion first. Once you place Him as the #1 priority in your life, then you won't feel so lonely and needy. All things are possible through Christ whom strengthens me. That right there is all you need to feel hope. Hope is important, it's what sustains us to go to the next day, and wait patiently on the Lord. Without hope there isn't a next day, so keep hoping, keep praying, keep seeking and you shall find.

Praying for you young lady.

God Bless and luv ya
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Postby lizzie » Mon Jul 07, 2008 12:38 am

kashira sis *hug*

Do u know that God sees everything? Not just whats goin on now, but He sees from beginning to end. Our past, present and future. Thats how He knows whats gonna be good for us and what isnt. What we see is very limited, cuz we cannot see the future, or what is gonna happen in our lives.

That is why we must trust in God's love for us, and know that He knows what is best for us.

Sometimes, we may want things that we think is good for us, and we think if we only had those things we would be happy. But if God sees that those things we want, will bring us pain and hurt in the future, He will not want to put us thru that, and will not give us those things.

We have to have faith and know that if we dont get somethin we want, its cuz God loves us enough to not want us to have something that will cause us harm in the long run. And, if it is God's will for you, He will bring it to you in His perfect timing.

Just cuz u cant see someone when u talk to em over the computer, does not mean they are not real :) Your friends and the people you talk to on the computer are as real as you are :) And being on a computer, allows you to get make friends based on what truly counts. Who they are and not what they look like, what they have, or whether or not they are popular, all of which are things that the world bases relationships on.

So u keep seeking God's will in your life. Keep up with your steps, and as you grow in your relationship with Him, He will help you in those areas you are struggling with.

And if you ever need a friend to talk to, or listen, or vent to, know that I am just a PM message away :)

God's blessings upon you always *hug*
lizzie
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Postby angel27 » Mon Jul 07, 2008 1:10 pm

Kashira,
I am sorry that you continue to have such a bleak outlook on your life and think everything will be better if you have just one friend.
Well I am here to tell you that you have that one REAL friend. He loves you for who you really are and wants to be with you forever. So much so that he gave his life for you. Earthly friends pale in comparison.
So many of us pray for something that we are not even ready for and if we go out and seek it for ourselves it leads to disastrous outcomes. When I was a teenager, I wanted someone to love so much that I went out and found a partner that I thought would do. Not the one I truly deserved. At that time I didn't think I deserved much. /so I got what I thought I wanted, but he turned out to be abusive mean and a bad person for me to be with. I was also not good for him. My goodness and love only made him feel worse about the things he did and he took it out on me!
So you see, when we think our wisdom and timing is better than God's we find ourselves really messing up our lives. God would not have picked that person for me. He had another path in mind, but since I was so smart, I went down the wrong road. That detour cost me a lot and I had to spend a lot more time to find my way back to God's path. In the meantime, I missed many blessings and suffered many heart aches. I hope you will be wiser than I and wait on the Lord. His timing is perfect.

In His Love,
Angel27
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