Christianity Oasis Forum

[Lani]

TY Sis Pine

Luv ya

[Lani]

Hey O Family

ya know.... it is amazing

I am still workin on this sharing thing and still completely clueless about how to do so and honor Him but....

here we go again


I cannot recall if I even shared this last year, but shortly before Thanksgiving, doctors informed me that my mother would be lucky to make it to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas.... practically impossible. Well, while I respect doctors fully and am thankful for the support they offer... I learned a long time ago, even when God leads, the exact moment of this or that, is nothin more than a guess cuz human "time" has no baring on God's plan.

Anyway… She is still present in this world… God hasn’t yet called her home. Last visit, she informed me, (well my son cuz she talks to him) that she is getting married. I listened to her tell my lil guy that her husband had visited here a few days earlier and told her it was ok to marry this “nice man” cuz he (my father/her “husband”) was not gonna be able to come back and get her just yet… yeah, strange, I know. Then, I was able to step away (just a few feet from them) to talk with her doctor. He informed me that my mother has a bacterial infection throughout her entire body to the point her lymphatic system is now involved, the origin of which (infection) is not known. Because of her medical… disaster zone, her body is not responding to antibiotics and soon the only choice will be to hospitalize her and treat such with IV. Well, this just sends her into panic mode, screaming about them not taking her and so on; this is not an option, she has refused such. So, he (the doc) again looks at me and says if she doesn’t concede to treatment, Christmas is unlikely.

OK, I am a redhead and let me tell ya, lately my temper is just workin overtime cuz I turned to him and said …. “With all do respect Doc, Christmas what year? Cuz y’all said this last year, yet here she is and now you are sayin it again… perhaps next year you could pick another day or just leave it to God’s timing and stop tryin to ‘prepare me’ or force me to make a choice for her. Y'all have determined she is of sound mind to make medical decisions, I will stand by her choice.” … I was calm, just not very loving. I wanted to yell…. “Stop flippin guessing!”… (and a whole lot more) and stomp my feet… But what good would yelling do; None, so I bit my tongue and thanked him for the update. I am simply awaiting God’s direction. I know He has her and all will work out in His time. OK, that is about it for mother…


Then, there is my amazing lil guy… he is rather ill, on a level never fully understood until last surgery when testing revealed a freightening reality. We have a “plan” which I fight not to laugh at cuz, it matters not how prepared we think we are… God’s Will will be done. I am filled with anxiety, fear, you name it cuz I know all the hurt that will come from this “cure”. Though the “cure” part is a guess … he may endure “treatment” (IV therapy to strengthen his immune system cuz it is pretty much none existent) for nothing. His body may not respond, he may be no better off than he is now… This weighs heavily on my heart as I want to prevent any unnecessary hurts, what parent doesn’t? I'd rather face anything myself than watch him, hurt. Yeah… I have no idea what else to say here but I do KNOW God has this and us. \o/

Changing direction

The message to share true burdens (truth of the pain of our walk) keeps coming up.

AHHHH Share? You are kidding, right?

My mind fills with all sorts of silly questions… when? why? how? Really?!

Share… Alrighty…. I will tell you this, with complete sincerity I feel like I am drowning. I have nothing else to do but just wait. When I even talk, I am short with people; my supportive nature has given way to temper tantrums and ugly words. *pause*
Let me take this opportunity to apologize to anyone who has been confronted with this crud, I am so very sorry and I assure you, now aware of the issue I will be extra vigilant to insure it doesn’t happen again. I pray also that you can forgive me and will allow me to stand with ya once more. Truthfuly, I would prefer to spend my time in this walk, listening to another share this is a far greater blessing than sharing my own and I will hold tight to that truth.

Feeling somewhat withdrawn, I seem to be spending more time playin my guitar than helping another and truthfully, I dislike it! Wait, y’all know I luv music! I sing through the entire day, seriously people think I am a tad nutty (course, maybe I am). But, I feel most alive when I am able to stand in fellowship with another yet I find myself voiding it right now and fighting all kinds of cruddy thoughts…. Three days ago, I typed a message asking to delete my account… I feel so very much NOT useful right now. And fear I will cause another pain… which truly I’d rather die first than hurt another soul. But I realize, my choice to listen to those whispers and stay away is also hurtful. I am so very thankful for the truth He shares through y'all

In quiet times, find solace in music; it has always and will continue to be my purest link to praising our Lord. More importantly, I find Joy in spending time with y’all and I pray that in sharing this truth you will simply see… we ALL fight battles, not one is immune. Praise to the One who brings us through \o/

I dunno if any of this makes any sense but, I needed to share and I thank each of you for being here.

Luv y’all so very much more than you may ever realize.

Peace n Luv in Christ,
Lani

[momof3]

Lani, my dear, sweet sister in Jesus,

Aww, sis..my heart goes out to you. You have so much going on around you with your mom and your lil one. My prayer for you is that He would give you peace beyond understanding and that He would touch your son and mom with His healing hand. As always, His perfect will be done.

I so understand the anger, feelings of helplessness, feelings of despair at times...and all the other emotions that come along with dealing with illness in the ones we love so very much. Lani, you are human. God created us with the emotions we have to enable us to feel...I know you know this, and I know its so hard to share those human emotions, but you are doing so..and allowing God to bless others who would minister to you through His leading. He created us to love...to love Him..and to love each other. To allow someone to help you carry the burden..even if it's just a listening ear or yet one more prayer rising from a saint..do you see where Im comin from?

Im praying for you..and for your mom...and for your son. And, Im here if you want to vent. Ive been there..with a sick lil one.

Thats all I can say at this point. Im here...and more than willing to listen. Please know that you are such a blessing here..this is where you belong. I love you. And I know you already know He loves you.

In Jesus,
love momo

[vahn]

Hey Lani

If someone was to ask me to use another word for saint , I'd use your name .

Whoever said feeling angry was wrong ... hah ! ... let them talk to you , or me (ok , to you , for I can never fathom myself using your grace in answering back) ... or better yet , let them read our Lord's storming the Temple .

The only time anger is , or becomes "wrong" , it is when it's held back , unexpressed .

Wish I could do more to make things easier , or say something that you had not already covered , but Lani , my little sister , anything , anything at all , that you think I might be able to do , please don't hesitate to let me know , I stand at the ready .

Chin up , walk tall sis .


Luv ya
In Christ , our Lord
your brother

[Lani]

Momo, how I have missed you sis Luv ya

vahn, during games, bro I'd deny it but you are truly a blessing, Luv ya

Thank you both for all you are for our awesome Lord. Thanks also to all who have reached out privately or sent up prayer on our behalf. I know God is working through all of this, stepping outside my comfort zone for His glory remains a work in progress but I am truly thankful for the blessings He provides through all situations including this awesome Family in Faith.

Luv y'all lots

Peace n Luv in Christ,
Lani

[Lani]

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey O Family!!


Holy Crow... 2011! Seems like a lifetime ago

Let's shake the dust off this journal of mine and catch up a bit.

Well, I'm still human LOL though far more aware of just how human I am.

I must first apologize, to all who will read this, for my extended absence. It's a long story

The details of which I will share in time... but the cliffsnotes are:

I made some very human choices, while God waited.
I faced the consequences of those choices, God waited.
I suffered boggled thinking, God waited.
I buried myself in guilt, God waited.

My self-made storm clouds parted as I prayed for God to reveal himself to me in my need,
God said... ABOUT FREAKIN TIME.

Then, things got crazy God is SO Good!

So I will give you a quote that helped me in the midst of my despair:

There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, learning from failure.

Colin L. Powell

We must prepare! Faith does not just happen! Faith is not just given! Faith is no mystery.
Faith is tested, by life, daily. Challenges are presented and we are given the opportunity to face them or flee. God is there, either way. Failure will happen, on one level or another, at some point. But that failure does NOT define who we are AND it does not subtract from WHOSE we are.

In the midst of our pain we can proclaim God's greatness. It is not an easy choice but it certainly does help in keeping our focus where it should be.

Spiritual readiness, preparation and growth does not just happen. It comes as a result of intentional habits built into our daily lives... DAILY!

Make no mistake, I too am a work in progress But through my failures, I am learning and I will continue each day to prepare.

On we go!

Peace & Luv in Christ,
Lani

[Lani]

Hello Beautiful O Family!

Wow... time to shake the dust off this ol' book

I can't believe how long it's been since I made an entry in my journal... See I really DON'T sit still!

*sigh* I am still human So much has transpired since my last entry. I will be back soon to update it. In the mean time, pop some popcorn, grab a drink and....

Why not start your own journal? Let's encourage each other as we embark on this wonderful journey through life.

Owl be bach!

Peace & Luv in Christ,
Lani