Christianity Oasis Forum

[lyl1114]

Hi. I'm here again.
I am 17 weeks pregnant with my third child (and after three miscarriages). At week 11 we found out the our baby has trisomy 13, which is a genetic disorder which is described as incompatible with life. Doctors first urged us to abort the baby but I have decided to carry the baby to term. There is a chance the baby will die in the womb or be a stillborn or be alive for only a short time, at most two days. The ultrasounds revealed many abnormalities which will make it almost impossible for my baby to live outside my womb. It has been a very difficult journey up to now. And since I first sought out this forum with my depression I feel like I may be slipping again. I have good days but there are also many bad days where I can't function. The despair the hopelessness is too much. I know I will see my baby, whom we named Joseph, again in heaven. But facing the reality of having my baby die in my arms get too overwhelming. I don't quite know the reason why this is happening to me since this is such a rare genetic disorder. With the physical hardships of the pregnancy I have to deal with this enormous emotional stress. I am also having a hard time praying and crying out to God now that all the tests confirm this is my reality. I don't believe He will heal my son completely so I just feel beaten. I know this is not what God wants from me through this situation. I have so many people praying for me but this is such a lonely road. My in laws who are also pastor and pastor's wife don't understand why I chose this route. But I can't kill my baby. It's hard. I don't like that we live together. Makes it harder.
Sorry for the long post. I just need to vent and ask for prayers that I know what I need to do and to keep my focused on God. Thank you.

[dema]

I am so sorry. That is so awful. And after three miscarraiges. Oh, honey. I cry for you.

What about having labor induced? Have you asked them if they could make you give birth to this baby now? Yes, he would die at birth, but he would die at birth anyway.

I know whatever happens that you will have horrible pain. But to feel the baby move inside of you for all that time only to watch him die - oh, honey.

I couldn't stand to have him chopped up or hurt the way they do in abortions either. But giving birth I could do. Even having a c-section I could do.

Feel free to PM me to talk like you did before. I am still here.

[lyl1114]

Thank you dema. I have decided that I will let God decide when my baby should go to heaven. I don't think I can live with myself if I had a hand in his death. Even with this conviction and decision it's hard. But I have decided to do my best to protect him and love him. But I have hard days because it hurts that he won't be with me after birth. I just need to walk this journey with grace but I've been failing a lot. I just want God to tell me how to be everyday...because I get lost. I guess when I focus on myself I get depressed. I need strength to be happy with my daughters and to give them my all but I find it so hard because my body is so tired and weak and my mind is so stressed.
Thank you dema for your support. I know in my mind what is right but my heart has hard time following. I know being a follower of Christ we have tribulations but I feel like this is more than I can handle.

[dema]

My first cousin had a similar pregnancy. The fetus had organs outside of his body. She also decided not to abort. She did go into labor early - but it was still weeks after she found out. My very religious relatives were wanting her to end it since it was so obvious. But she chose with her heart.

This was her first baby. But now she has a little girl and a little boy. They are cherished children.

I'm sorry for your pain. I'm glad you are following your heart. God speaks to the heart.