Christianity Oasis Forum

[Danacovertiscool]

Hey. I have this ex friend who basically can't understan the meaning of,"it's over" and I don't know what to do.

Basically I wrote him a letter about another ex friend of mine and I called him a liar for not deciding on being friends or not being friends with him. His mom blocked my #, and she told him that he's not to be friends with me. Fine with me. He can't seem to understand it's over, cause he asks a friend of ours Ryan how's Dana(me) doing? and Ryan doesn't tell him. He's told my ex friend that Dana doesn't want you talking about him since you're not friends. I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to let this ex friend grieve for me. Meaning I'm letting him take his time to realize it's completely over between us. If he does, fine. If not, fine. Is this a good idea? I just want advice. I'm sticking with letting him grieve for me. I just want to see what you say. Thanks.

[dema]

I take it you aren't 32 like your profile says?

You've left a lot out of your story. Don't know how long you were friends, don't know if you are really hurt about what his mom did, don't know if you two got into major or minor trouble together. I also don't know if you are 16, in which case obeying parents in this is important and could effectively cut off the friendship. Or if you are 19 and he is still living at home, in which case things could change in a few months.

I suspect you have some feelings here that you don't want to face. Maybe you did something that it hurts you to think about?

Anyway, I think we need to know more to give you any kind of real answer.

[Danacovertiscool]

We've been friends for 15 years. I'm 32 years old. We never got in trouble together. We live 2340 miles away. We both met at a blind summer camp. He does act like a child a lot, and he's 36 years old. I think it's good his mom cut off the friendship. In 2001 i gave him my # before going home from camp, and he started calling me everyday at 7 in the morning. I had graduated high school by then. In 04 I sent him a tape of me telling him not to call me all the time. So, basically he's like a little kid. He doesn't obey the rules. Now what can you tell me. Like I said, I'm sticking to letting him get over our friendship on his own. I just want to hear what you have to say. Thanks.

[Danacovertiscool]

I know I want your opinions only about this guys. Like I've said I've made up my mind. I'm just coming to vent, and get opinions. But, in the end Iit's up to my ex friend, who's name is Michael to either get back to reality, and get over me completely, or not. I can't make him do what he's willing to not do. And neither is my other friend he's ask about me through. Don't be upset that I've made up my mind already. Again, I just want your views about this. Thanks for your patience.

[dema]

It does sound like he's a little kid. And I don't disagree with you. There's a lot about this that doesn't make sense to me. Did you like being called at 7AM? It sounds like you waited years to get him to stop calling that early. Did he stop?

You met at a blind summer camp, so it appears that his mother babies him and tells him what to do. I hope that you are more independent. I understand parents having all sorts of emotions about their kids and handicaps, but it isn't the best thing for the kids. At 36 I don't think she should be choosing his friends. But you should be choosing yours. And if you don't want him for a friend, then that is your decision.

It sounds like this man hasn't been taught how to accept "no" on a lot of things. And that is something everybody needs to learn to accept. I hope that he has other outlets and that his mother doesn't monopolize his time. But neither you nor I can do anything about that.

There is a ccc study on here. You can find it under counseling. Most people on here go through it and find it to be good. YOu likely would too. It is recommended that you journal while doing it.

[Danacovertiscool]

I gave him my phone number in 2001, and it took til 2004 for his Dad and mom to get him to stop. They used to get him phone cards, and give him 20 minutes to talk with me. I did in 04 make him a tape with my voice telling him to stop abusing the phone. He never learned. I don't know why it took me years to realize this friendship is not good for us. I wanted to call him to tell him it was over in September, but by that time I wasn't allowed. And I feel good. So, you're in agreement with this? Good. I will look into that study. What is the official title of the study?