Christianity Oasis Forum

[lyl1114]

I'm 36 and just found out my dad has been having an affair and that is the reason he left my mom and sister (kicked out). This happened 3 months ago but I found out only 2 days ago.
My dad was not a good husband or dad. Last 2 decade plus he didn't work and chased his unrealistic dream of making it big. He has been so mean to my mom and sister and while my sister worked hard to support him, he was having an affair.
yes, people have affairs and it might not be a big deal, since I'm 36 but I am so livid...so angry and hurt. It was the ultimate betrayal. I can't wrap my mind around it because he is a church elder. He stopped attending church about a year. And the woman he had an affair was a deacon at the church my mom and sister attended together. The other woman is a divorcee with 2 children.
Not going into too much detail...i don't know how to deal. It doesn't seem like he had been walking with the Lord for many many years although he proclaims he is and even prays over our dinners. Hypocrite. He seems crazy...like possed by the devil. I am so mad at him but at the same time scared he might not enter heaven.

I just don't know what or how to feel about this...how to forgive since God said to forgive...and what exactly is forgiveness (is it to let him back in our lives because we are done with his abuse).

What is the biblical approach? And i don't want to go back into depression over this...

[dema]

Forgiveness is fully giving it to God. Fully. Forgiveness is letting go. You are allowed to be sad and angry first - this hurts. After all the worrying you have done over him for years - this is a betrayal of you too. And he is your dad. And your role model. And just so many layers of it. You NEED to get mad and be sad. But not forever. Not for ages either. Let it out - and then let it go.

This is between him and God. And God knows how to handle this. Pray, and do what God tells you to do. And yes, you must still honor him. That means you are still to be polite to him. Treat him with the respect of a father - even though he may not deserve it as a man. He is your father. And YOU are promised long life in the Bible when you respect your parents.

I am so sorry this happened to you.

FYI - when a man has no self-esteem, he searches for it. Your father has obviously had a self-esteem problem for a long time. Okay, perhaps I am assuming a bit - but the fact that he wouldn't work a menial job and had to strike it rich sounds like low self-esteem. Bragging and strutting are often signs of low self-esteem. Having women pay for everything has got to be rough on his self-esteem. Being able to get a woman - well, men have fed their self-esteem with that forever. And women do it too.

Anyway, this is rough on you no matter what. And knowing what to do is rough. God is still God. And God still loves you. But don't stuff this down - let it out for a while, maybe after Christmas is over - and then pray until you can let it go. This is between God and your dad - and of course your mom. I feel for your mom.

[lyl1114]

Thank you , dema, for always sharing your wisdom. I felt peace reading your reply and thinking about what I need to do. Still honor him even though he doesn't deserve it. I felt a lot of anger and betrayal the past few days but today I am peaceful. Focusing on Jesus rather than what my dad had done. Will not understand it so I will stop thinking about it...or at least try not to.
I think you are totally right about my dad. Looking at him just as a person, I pity him. Not sure how I will be able to face him again though.
I will pray and ask God what I should do and desperately pray that He saves my dad from the devil's grip.
Reminded today that God IS good..always. Looking forward to what He has planned for us at the end of this trial. Thank you!!!

[Hezekiah1997]

I think it is okay to be angry. It is just letting that anger harbor a place in your heart where it turns to resentment and hate. Perhaps, if you write a letter to your father, but don't send it. Read it to the mirror and then pray over it. After that rip it up.

I have done that before because of conflict with my stepfather. I had trouble getting along with him because he would get angry at me when I would go against the doctor's advice. I felt it was just advice and he felt it was the Law. I had trouble with his way of dealing with stuff, but he was just looking out for me. I know that now, I just had a hard time accepting it at the time and would get angry with him for getting angry with me. I had to find peace.

You don't have to do that, but it helped me and maybe it will help you.