Christianity Oasis Forum

[Dora]

A need direction as to what job I should keep/take and which one(s) to let go. The best paying and most satisfying one has a boss that is cruel. I have tomorrow off but I am dreading Wednesday already.

Also I have been in a lot of pain. I think it stems from stress. Because when I am happy and relaxed I feel better.

Thanks brothers and sisters

[dema]

Stress definitely causes physical pain. I discovered that when my arm hurts from the accident, it is from stress and not from anything I do physically.

I don't know how long you have to make the decision. But you imparticular probably don't want to stay in a position where you have to take abuse. Even for a better position.

I also don't know how many people you work with.

Many unpleasant people are narcissists - but many were raised by narcissists and aren't. They were/are always seeking for approval and never getting it. And they build this prickly wall around them. If you are dealing with someone who had never gotten approval and you give approval, she may give you special treatment. The thing is, others may resent you for getting the special treatment.

Depends how much you like this job. People raised by narcissists are used to being tricked. So, if that is the case, she is likely to be very suspicious of anything nice you do. And will likely reject your gestures for a while, or maybe sporadically. She may refuse your cookies. But, if you do get past the prickles, she might be very good for you.

So, it could be a challenge and an adventure to get past the prickles. Or not.

If you aren't up for a challenge that might not end well, I'd move to a job with nice people. That is likely best anyway.

[Dora]

Now that you mention it he does show narcissistic behavior. Every thing is everyone else's fault. At first I felt the challenge but I am not up for it anymore.

Thank you for responding. I woke this morning knowing I am suppose to quit so I did. The very kind boss talked me into staying. Now I want to quit again.

[dema]

The very kind boss talked you into continuing to work for the nasty boss? So you are still there? You talked about having choices?

[Dora]

Yes. I went in to work today and was confronted by a very upset boss. The nasty one. Mostly he was upset because he felt I tried to go over his head by speaking to the other boss. He called it disrespectful. I admit I have absolutely no respect for a 50 year old man who hires teen the. Degrades them while yelling as they try to cover the tears. I do feel I handled the confrontation well this morning. He apparently doesn't want me to leave because I threw up my hands and said I done and headed for the door. He didn't let me go and began to speak to me like I am a human instead of a worm. He presumes things about me and claims them as truth. I feel he may have been enlightened today.

[dema]

I am glad you are standing up for yourself. People standing up to him may be a new experience for him. And he may want it. If he is a narcissist - then there really isn't much that can be done. I managed mine well. But he still was a narcissist. My counselor has told me she is impressed with how well I handled him. And his family is very upset with him now that I am gone. So there are techniques.

But all unpleasant people aren't narcissists. And many very unpleasant people are actually the result of narcissists. And for those people, acknowledging that they are real is very important. They will get you to acknowledge them - but if you do it constantly and positively, then you don't get the crap. Narcissists treat the people around them as a supply. Not as real people. Their supplies are constantly invalidated. And as a result they very much seek validation. Standing up to them is a validation of them. They are real. They have an effect.

You could do very well in the latter situation. You are a great validator. If he is a narcissist though, the best you can do is manage the situation and be constantly drained. So, keep eyes open. No matter how much you are wanted, being constantly drained is not worth it.

[dema]

I think you know these - you do them - but as a reminder to do them even in the workplace:

Repeat what you are told in different words.
Question politely and with full sentences.
Look people in the eye often. (You haven't done that for me. .)
Acknowledge everything they say. At least with a smile and a look.
Give compliments - notice - well, I don't know what you notice on a man. That's easier for a woman and a woman.
Cookies might be good.

Anyway, God knows where you are to go. Ask him often. Thank him often.

[Dora]

Today I had to work with him shoulder to shoulder. It went very well. He was pleasant to everyone and didn't blow his temper. We talked openly about the way I was working and he has approved of everything. I complemented him on some of the food he prepared.

The pain is still very bad at night. I am woken often by pain so strong I struggle to move. Once I move the pain is relieved. I am taking two different prescription pain meds. I called the doctor today to evaluate my pain. My left shoulder often burns and hurts to be touched. My left knee hurts a lot and gives out and my left big toe falls asleep often. I sometimes wonder if these things are all related. Possible tight muscles that may be pinching nerves?

I guess my prayer request has turned into a social/medical help column. That's ok with me. Sometimes God answers prayers through advice.

Thanks friend! And all who's prayed.

[dema]

Those things could all be a pinched nerve or nerves in your back. I had similar pain with my arm after the accident. They did an MRI. If you have good health insurance, get MRI's and then they can give you steroid shots in your spine. It took two for me. And the pain was worse for three or four days after each shot than it had been before. But I doped up and got through it.

Now I am pain free most of the time. If the one spot of pain I have continues, I will get a similar shot in my shoulder. Have already talked to the doctor about it.

My arm was very weak and I had really bad pain in various places. All of that is gone except for one spot that hurts under stress and we know why that spot hurts. Knowing helps a lot.

Congrats on working things out so well. God willing it will continue and he will be a better person for working with you.

[Dora]

Thank you! I hope it continues to work out too.

I ended up at the doctors today. She thinks the pain is from a bacteria infection. I start medication to help fight it tomorrow.

[redbandit]

Hope you are feeling better Pine! Prayers going up for you!

[Dora]

Thanks. The pain is better. I ended one job last night and now I am down to two. I think I am where God wants me for now. I am still praying and would appreciate prayers over where to go from here as I don't feel this is a long term job for me.