Christianity Oasis Forum

[Mackenaw]

Hello MikeRomeo

God bless you this day.

You asked:

Even if I forgive David and he forgives himself, should I or do I want to stay in this relationship? Does forgiving him mean I stay in a relationship with him?

MikeRomeo, I cannot tell you whether or not God has chosen David as your husband. That is not something I can advise you on. But, by no means does forgiving David mean that you HAVE to marry him. God does, however, want us to forgive others.

I can tell that you still have many reservations about your relationship with David -- particularly in regards to marrying him. I encourage you to continue growing in your relationship with The Lord, by talking to Him, praying to Him, reading HIs Word, and even continuing the CCCC study, and perhaps some of the other blessed studies on this site, because God does have all the answers to your questions, and He loves you so very much and knows the plans He has for you.

You said:

There is a dramatic difference in my behavior with my friends and my behavior with David, and I don’t know if that is “normal”. Sometimes it is easier for me to talk and relate to my friends than it is with David and we often have to explain ourselves to each other in detail just to get our point across.

A question you may want to ask yourself and talk to God about: do you consider David a friend? If not, how do you see him?

I will say this: we usually don't expect our friends to "fix" our problems, but just to hear us out and have them respond "oh you poor thing" or something similar. Your friends' advice, however, usually does not have an effect on their life, per say. Whereas with "the couple", the problems, and the solutions, usually affects both lives of "the couple".

I hope that made sense.

Continue on with the stepping stones, and in the knowledge that The Lord loves you so very much. He truly wants the very best for you, and is willing to guide you through everything.

Prayers continue to rise to our Lord in the name of Jesus on your behalf. May God's will be done.

God bless and keep you.
Love,
Sister Mack

[MIKEROMEO]

Hello Christianity Oasis,

I don't know of any better way, but I had thought about sharing this with David. I don't know if that a good idea or not.

MR

[MIKEROMEO]

Journal Seven
I AM NOT THE SOURCE OF MY PROBLEM; IT IS THE ENEMY OF MY SOUL. Psalm 143:3-4 "For the enemy hath persecuted my soul; he hath smitten my life down to the ground; he hath made me to dwell in darkness, as those that have been long dead. Therefore is my spirit overwhelmed within me; my heart within me is desolate."
Anger: I get angry with David for lying to me about Bang, Gavino, and Camacho. I also get angry when he lies to me about little things like the photos on his phone that he swears he never put there. That is a lie and a useless one at that.
Jealousy: I get jealous of David and Tammy and that jealousy has poured into David’s relationship with ANY other woman. I get angry that he may be getting packages from others and not telling me. I worry that he is receiving emails, text messages, or whatever form of communication and hiding it from me.
Lust: I think about other men and being in happy relationship with them.
Fear: I fear making a bad decision by staying/or leaving David. I’ve never felt so lost about what is right.
Doubt: Ted Ni (a friend of mine) makes me doubt that I am deserving of somebody like him. He has no kids, no ex-wives, and is so sweet to me. Then the devil tells me I don’t deserve to be with a person like him because he’s too good for me, and it will fall apart.
Pride: I am too proud to show the world that they were right and me and David did not make it. This is a lie because the world cares only for itself. I have nothing to prove to it and no desire to be accepted by it.
Hate: My hate for Tammy has changed recently. I imagined her banned from my thoughts and carried off by an unseen force. The physical systems (heart pounding or anxiety or anger) are still there when David mentions her name or tell me he hasn’t talked to her, but they’re not as bad.
Greed: I can’t find the boldness to leave David, especially while he is gone for work, but I don’t want to hurt or lose Ted Ni as friend. I see he is starting to get jealous of my relationship wishing it was him I loved.

[momof5]

WOW We are going through alot of the same things I started this program because I had a similar problem.I too was in a relationship full of guilt confusion affairs and abuse and it started out adulterously. I was`still legally married when i met the man I was so in love.But soon drugs and drinking took over and i walked away from god.Thankfully i found my way back but was full of questions about the relationship ans even considered marrying him so we no longer live in sin.My problem is my partner has not accepted christ and is angry that i have changed my ways and views.I have prayed and prayed and sought all kinds of counseling.Iam so used to being with him its ike im addicted to him and afraid to be without him.I believe God has given me an answer its not want i want but i finally trust God and know he has something in mind for me.I have chosen to end the relationship.Every situation is different but you have to trust God keep praying and reading and go through this program the answer will come. Best of Luck

[MIKEROMEO]

Good evening Momof5,
My Pastor said something to me once that always stuck in my head. He said that can tell a persons maturity in their Christian walk when they are able to smile in times of adversity. It made me feel good and I don't always have the right mind to keep a good attitude, but I eventually come back up. I know that putting on a fake smile while your tormented on the inside is not a good way, but I hope you find peace knowing that all the moving parts, however painful they are, are bringing you closer to God. When bad things happen or you're in a bad situation, remember that the Lord moves in ways we do not understand and trust that it is for you're benefit. He loves you so much and did not mean for you to barely scape by in life, but to live abundantly. Thank you for writing on my post. I've learned so much here just in the last couple of days.
MR

[MIKEROMEO]

Journal Nine
YOU’LL FIND AS TIME PASSES THAT YOU’LL BEGIN MAKING RIGHT CHOICES…OUT OF LOVE, not fear of punishment.
When I first read this I automatically wanted to apply it to people in my life, but was quickly reminded that my main love is, or should be, Jesus. See Ezekiel 36:26.
I started out my morning feeling guilty for not going to church and neglecting David on his deployment. I have been having fun surrounding myself with good friends of mine. They are good people, but not Christians. Looking at my goals I have yet to complete many of them. Today’s teaching talked about friends not mandating we do certain things for them if they are true friends. This makes me evaluate my friendship with Ted Ni considering he has made it evident that he likes me. In my head I have to do right by David regardless of how I feel because I am in a relationship with him which means I would have to start staying home more and spending less time with my friends. I’d like to ask him to help me make and keep my goals. I know that ultimately everything falls on me, but it would be nice to have positive reinforcement and encouragement. If my friends can help me stay on the right path and are good for me, then they are worth keeping around. If not, it will be exposed and I can start changing the people I surround myself with. I openly share things I learn here and was considering giving my journals to David when I was finished with Stepping Stone 14. I don’t know if that would be wise or more hurtful than anything. The 40 day regime makes things seem so attainable and I have a refreshing sense of perseverance growing inside of me. Things may be crumbling now, but I know that they will not always be this way.
Secret thoughts: I have learned that I am afraid to love other people because David’s love was earned. I have stuck by him through the worst. He’s cheated, lied, and stolen parts of me yet I did not yell at him for cheating, but have him hugs and tried to comfort him the best I could. I smiled when he told lies about us in front of other people. I lied to our friends for him and hid all of his iniquities. I stuck by him when he hit me for hiding the keys from him when he was trying to drive drunk. I am really mad at him for that right now because the only thing he’s ashamed of is falling over and calling his daughter like that. He doesn’t even remember almost breaking my arm or me screaming at him to please stop. Love that is just given away cannot last because it was not earned and I fear that any other relationship outside of David is bound to fail because of that. I think I’ll keep David because he is much older and I am still young. I fear dating men my age because I think they will leave me for somebody younger like David did. I cried a lot today. This session wasn’t as bad as the first one, but it definitely brought out a lot of feelings I didn’t know were there or just never cared to admit.
MR

[MIKEROMEO]

Journal Ten
I’m surprised to see how far I’ve gotten and am a little disappointed to see that my time here is coming to an end. Today’s lesson talked about the Holy Spirit. I remember a time when I felt Him all around me and thought about Him all day long. I did not grow up in the Church, but one day I just picked up the Bible and thought, “Well, I’ll just read it like it’s any other book”. Boy, was I stupid. When I was saved, I was REALLY saved. I used to rush home from work just to read the Bible. I would cry so much because I couldn’t believe how much Jesus loved me even though I didn’t love myself and how much He went through just to have my love in return. I was in Iraq at the time and mortar rounds would be coming down and I’d smile; I was completely peaceful knowing that if I died I was going home to be with my Father.
My Pastor explained that backsliding isn’t a “blow-out”, but a “slow leak” and definitely see how. When I got saved, the Lord made a lot of changes in my life. He gave me the courage to break-up with David and I knew in my heart that it was right. I quit smoking and it wasn’t even that hard. I have trouble remembering scripture, but the Bible says something about His yoke being light. It was not hard for me to change because I was doing it out of love for God. I look back now and see how far I’ve gotten off track and I don’t even know how or where it started.

[Jamie808]

Hey there Brother !
It's exciting to see how much these studies really are used of the Lord to bring healing and transformation to our lives.
It's inspiring to see your persistence and progress. I loved what your Pastor said about the "slow leak." It's probably the reality that there is NO NEUTRAL ZONE in our walk with Him - we are either moving towards Jesus or away from Him with our daily decisions.

I know that feeling of grief (or whatever it is) when we're about to complete a study. Not sure if you're of a mind to keep going forward ? If you are, I can share that I was deeply blessed by the study on "The Spirit of Truth" and also the one called "Many are Called, Few are Chosen."

Thanks for your sincere honesty and diligence in working out your salvation. It's an encouragement to all of us.

God Bless You
Jamie

[MIKEROMEO]

Journal Fourteen
In the beginning of your program, I said I didn’t know what my expectations were, but that wasn’t necessarily true. I wanted an all-out, in your face, miracle in 14 days!
Honestly I think I expected somebody to tell me to turn around in two circles, jump three times, and do one summersault and I would have the answers I was looking for. (Especially you Sister Mack.) I see now that that was wishful thinking. Life is not that simple and nobody can walk me through each step whenever things get difficult. I don’t have all the answers, but I know where to find them. I want to sincerely thank you for getting me back on track and reading God’s Word. I am utterly lost without them and never want to go down that road again.
Thank you all for what you do.
Malina

[Mackenaw]

Hello MikeRomeo

God bless you this day.

Congratulations on completing the 14 Day CCCC Study.

Awwwww, MikeRomeo, I appreciate your honesty, and am so happy to read that you KNOW...

I don’t have all the answers, but I know where to find them

Amen, sister in Christ, Amen! The Lord has the answers, and He loves you so very much.

I am so happy for you that you are once again seeking The Lord and reading His blessed Word. Hallelujah!!!

MikeRomeo, there are many, many other studies on this site that I hope you will explore. May I suggest the Spirit of Truth study next? It is only 7 days long, but, woooooohoooooooo it is Awesome!!!

Here's the link: http://www.christianityoasis.com/Spirit ... tepOne.htm

God bless and keep you, MikeRomeo.
Love,
Sister Mack

[Jamie808]

Hey MikeRomeo,
Congratulations for persevering with your study. I am encouraged by your journey and thank you for trusting us with important parts of your life. I can also agree with Sister Mack that the "Spirit of Truth" study is very powerful. I had developed a habit in my life of looking to others for advice, counsel and I dare say healing. One day, a therapist asked me
"do you know His voice?" His question pierced me because it became obvious to me that I didn't or I didn't very know it very well. After completing the study I am SO MUCH closer to His voice (the only one that really matters). Knowing the Holy Spirit (God dwelling in me) has provided me with a much needed sense of security that I was missing.

Please keep going. Your journey is not in vain. Your story will be used to help many as you persevere.

God Bless You in Christ Jesus,
Jamie

[MIKEROMEO]

Thank you all Sister Mack! Thank you Jamie! I'll look into the study starting tomorrow until complete. I'm never been so happy and comfortable with not having all the answers.

Love,
Malina