Christianity Oasis Forum

[wellswimmer]

I actually was desperate this afternoon and stumbled on this site. I began the step 1 and wrote a rather lengthy journal out, thinking I would cut and paste when my account was validated. I am hurting tonight and have many questions about love and this life and God's providence. I have a lengthy tarnished history that would put the woman at the well to shame. I don't know how to journal this briefly, but I have been abstinent for 8 years, after my 2nd and 3rd failed marriage to same man. Lot's of tales and war stories in between but these can edify no one so I omit them in this online version. Suffice it to say I have looked for marital peace which I believe I was created for these many years and have found only sorrow. I moved to a foreign country and though have been walking in the word and closely with Christ, succumbed to a rather insistent and lovely man 15 years my junior. AGAIN I am caught in the throes of desiring love in CHrist so desperately yet realizing day by day that while I thought this man was IT.... (he had been attending church while I was in the states to learn more about Christianity) I am after most recent interaction, thinking perhaps it is only lust that binds him to me and those sweet loving words.......... while I yearn to believe him.... I doubt and sabotage. My big question tonight... I have prayed SO earnestly and kept clean for so long... asked for a hedge around me... asked for the man GOD wanted in my life... this one man shows up out of the blue... and why if he is not what GOD has for me why was I so weak, though I beg and pray to give in .
yet again. I am ashamed. Sad. Scared. fearful of future. defeated. And want GOD's will... that which I would not do... I do. Please help me. STep 2 can't arrive fast enough.

[Mackenaw]

Hello Wellswimmer

God bless you this day, and welcome to Christianity Oasis.

I'm so glad The Lord led you here and that He further led you to read the 14 Day CCCC Study. He, The Lord, has used this blessed study to help hundreds of souls to grow in Christ and how to begin applying His Word to our every day lives.

You have been through much and have grown weary. (((hugs))) God has been calling you to give you rest, and renew the sweet hope found in Him. Rest in Him, Wellswimmer, and embrace the Truth shared within the stepping stones, it is nourishment to your soul.

I'm looking forward to getting to know you and encourage you through the study. Prayers are rising to our Lord in the name of Jesus on your behalf. May God's blessed will be done.

God bless and keep you, Wellswimmer.
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack

[dema]

We live in a physical world. We have things happen to us. It effects us and our perspective. Many times we are causing the problems - maybe by just seeking the wrong type of people.

Why are you dating a foreign man? I wonder if he is Moslem? If so, then he has a view of women that doesn't match your culture. Have the other men you've dated had a controlling view of women? If this is a pattern, then you are likely seeking men with a controlling attitude. Why are you doing this?

I had a friend on this site help me. I was dating immature, marginally Christian men. I had buried a memory of an abusive man who was the most outwardly "Christian" man I had ever known. The "normal" men in my childhood experience were marginally Christian. This man spouted scriptures and gave his wife and son black eyes. Then I saw his other son killed in a car accident. Once I realized where my attitudes originated, I was able to change the pattern. The irony is that both my husbands became abusive when life didn't treat them well. They weren't mature and couldn't process their anger. They weren't abusive like the man from my childhood who was domineering all the time - but they lacked maturity and the ability to handle life - largely due to a lack of faith. I intentionally chose men who were immature. I was so terrified of being dominated.

Pray and grow spiritually, but also look at yourself. God doesn't tend to work like a magician. Generally, we need to ask him for guidance and then step forward and search. Seeking is a mighty part of the Christian walk. And sometimes that seeking needs to be finding the source of the weeds in our garden.

Hugs.

[wellswimmer]

Firstly, thank you to both sisters in Christ who responded to my journal. I felt understood, and yes... you are correct I am weary. I don't think I have ever chosen a man who was abusive in the strict sense of the word. Perhaps passive aggressive abuse though. I guess I am stuck in that I have "chased" men. I did not do that this time. Why a foreigner... I suppose I have some deep seated prejudices about American men. Also this is the first person who has ever told me I am precious and beautiful. What I do not understand is why after holding out so long and adhering to everything I have been taught about prayer and faith.... I seem to continue to have a problem with co-dependency and In some ways still attract the same kind of person to me. Next I will go to step 2. But I did want to thank you both for responding.