Christianity Oasis Forum

[Ann_is_Alive]

I have a poem to post here, but first I want to explain.

Hi, our screen name is Ann_is _Alive and our host is Ann. She is the one who came on to this site for support. We have DID. DID is dissociative identity disorder - it used to be called multiple personality disorder. For those that do not know what that is, I will try and explain or at least how it works for me.

People who have DID have had some sort of extreme trauma in their life. In my case, my whole childhood and a lot of my adult life I suffered extreme se*ual, physical, emotional, s*tanic, rit*alistic, cult and mind control ab*se. People w/DID have alters - different personalities. Alters are created - usually in childhood - to protect the child from ab*se being suffered. The child 'goes away in their mind' and creates someone else to take their place in order to survive the ab*se.

I have several alters, different ages, male and female.

My name is Jessie and i am 16 years old. Ann has been dealing w/some really tough ab*se memories and has 'gone away' for awhile and I am taking over til she feels safe enough to come back. Prayers are needed and welcome. Since I have been out so long, it has been harder and harder not to let people here know that I am here instead of Ann. I have posted a couple of poems recently and I have put my name on them - spreading my wings so to speak!

Ann has been hesitant to talk about DID on here or anywhere really. Afraid of people not understanding. But me being on this site, I know why she likes being on here, the support that I have received from everyone here is amazing. God bless you all for that.

The poem i'm going to post was composed by all of us and it reflects what it is like to us to have DID. Thank you in advance for listening.

DID

Closed, yet open
Guilty about feeling, yet have right to feel
Get stuff, yet stupid
Real, yet fake
Deserve to find out what 'better' really is, yet know how to do life when hurt
Want to hide smallness, yet want everyone to see it
There is a point to this, yet this is all just empty words
Male, Female, Both, yet neither
Trying so hard to do life right, yet so messing it up
Failure, yet fighter
Flooded over, yet withered up
Good writer, yet have no words
All of this, Both sides at once, All stacked on top of each other
I am all of this, yet I am none of this
We are all of this, yet we are none of this

composed by Jessie - age 16, Kara - age 15, Sweetie - age 10, Sarah - age 10, Margaret Ann - age 8, Kiley - age 6 and Super Arik - age 4

[deetu]

thank you Jessie for being brave and explaining what is happening both by explanation and posting the poem
remember that Jesus is the way to understanding and healing
((hugs to all of you))

[Dora]

That was some very deep sharing.

Wants to be called stupid, doesn't want to be stupid.

[Ann_is_Alive]

ty pine

............and yep - we get 'stupid'......cuz we are like that as well

Ann

[Truesovereigncrown]

Thankyou for sharing this deep poem.
God bless you Ann.