Christianity Oasis Forum

[musician561]

Hello,

I was a member in about 2009-2010. I wen't by the name harmonizer. It's been a long time and God really blessed me a took care of me since that time.

Well, I'm back and once again I need help. From about 2006 until now, I've been the only person working. My wife and I lost our condo and we've been living with my parent's and then her mother for about 6 years. We also have 2 little boys. We've come to a point in our lives where we now have to move out of my mother-in-laws home because of a deed in lue. My mother lin law doesn't work and collects little social security. (under 500)

I've held three jobs, but I recently lost one. I pay for health care for my family, and honestly, I'm a little scared. I don't know if I'll have my teaching job after this school year because of budget cuts. Music and the arts are always the first to go. I don't know what my wife is thinking about working...honestly, really I do. We have been at odds over moving our family to the place where she believes God want's us. We been at odds over that. Now, it would seem like some would say follow her and go, but there is a WHOLE lot more to this story. Honestly, I really need help finacially taking care of my family. I don't want my mother in law to become a burden on us...which she is a bit on my wife. We all have to leave on Jan 25th. We've been going to counseling, but my wife doesn't want to go anymore because she says I only go when there is a crisiss. I've felt that she wanted to leave me and take my son's away. I just really need God to help us get rest and peace for my family. For us to be in the place that's just right for us. Job's included. I'll post more later.

[Mackenaw]

Hello Musician561

God bless you this day, and welcome back, a.k.a. Harmonizer

I do remember you. God is Good!!!

Prayers are rising to our Lord in the name of Jesus, on your behalf. May God's blessed will be done.

God bless and keep you, Musician.
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack

[JulieAnn]

Hi Musician561,

I will certainly pray for God's wisdom and guidance for you.

A few thoughts: Holding three jobs would be a difficult load for anyone, and certainly reveals you are more than willing to do what is necessary to support your family, and I commend you for that. Not knowing the full details of your financial situation, it would seem that it may be wise for your wife to get a job, even if only for a season. This if course might be counterproductive if your two sons are under school age as you would need to pay for daycare. If so, possibly there's work she could do out of the home to help add to finances. If not, and in the meantime, anything you both can do to cut expenses will be helpful. All of us must learn to live within the paycheck the Lord gives us. As for moving to the new location your wife is suggesting; listening to and respecting your wifes input in any situation is always wise as God does give a wife as a blessing and support to her husband, and often a wife can "see" things a husband my not. But only you know the full situation and why you're not willing to go that route. That being said, I do believe, ideally, it is best for the husband to make the final decision concerning the direction the family will go - so long as you are not making a foolish decision such leading your family into danger or sin. And hopefully, a husband and wife will pray together and seek the Lord as to the direction and decisions the family should make. It is always best if both are in agreement. You didn't state what you're getting counseling for but counseling is good so long as it is biblical. If you need counseling for the current situation, possibly the counsel you need is more along the lines of making financial decisions? Helping to support your mother-in-law is an honorable thing which the Lord will honor, BUT, your family comes first and if having your mother-in-law living with you causes strain on the marriage and a burden to finances, then you and your wife may want to consider other options. Assisted Living Centers can be an option for older persons who needs supervision but are still able to care for themselves. The scriptural love and care of a parent does not necessarially mean they must live with us. All this being said, the bottom line is the Lord has the answers to your problems and circumstances. Seek His face and wisdom, pray with your wife for God to reveal His will and for His divine intervention.

In love and prayer,

JulieAnn

[musician561]

Thank you ladies for the prayers and advice.

How could you explain this: My wife found us an apartment to live in because we have to move by Jan. 25th. She was praying and thanking God for helping her, it seemed perfect for us, and she acknowledge God for helping. But the day after we went to see it, she began to get restless and she said that God "convicted her" and that we were not to live there. BUT we've put our money down on it and the managers said that we would have to give a two weeks notice and play the a lease fee to break it. I was/am confused and frustrated that I've worked hard for that money and I don't want to lose it. How can God bless you to get something and then convict you afterwards???? I don't understand. She gave an example of Sarah giving Abraham Hagar instead of believing that God would have given us better.

I/we don't have the money to break a lease and I don't won't to lose the hard earned money. What do I do? We've gone to Christian counseling this a few times and honestly, I needed a third party to help us with these decisions. But my wife said that I just wanted someone to convince her or "change her mind" about it. I just wanted help for clarity and direction for BOTH of us.

I'm sorry if it seems (I know it does) like I'm throwing things out there, but as you can see there is a LOT of things that I need for God to do and help me ,as a husband, with. I love my wife and kids and I just want to get us settled in a place where we all can grow and live peacfully for a change. Did I menation that I sleep/have slepted on a couch for over a year.....and my son (now 7) has slept with my wife since he was about 2ish..... By the way, my father is unedrgoing cemo for prostate cancer and my mother hasn't worked for ages. My older brother is a dead beat dad with three older daughters. So I'm really really pressure. Sorry, just had to vent.......

[Maverick_Reborn]

Hello. The way I see it is, if God convicted her of the apartment which she had been promised, than it was not a promise made. God does not change His mind unexpectedly about the promises He made. Perhaps you should ask Him yourself about what you should do. Remember, God knows everything, so if He knew the apartment woild be no good, why would He tell your wife to buy it? And, by the way, welcome to christianity oasis =)

[LaSombra]

Ask yourself also why you're letting your son sleep with your wife while you lie on the couch. Probably in another room.

[JulieAnn]

Hi Musician561,

God is not the author of confusion. When Sarah gave Abraham her Handmaiden, Hagar, and Abraham was complicit, both of them were guilty of attempting to bring the promise of God to pass through their own efforts, verses waiting and trusting God to fulfill His promise to them. Abraham did not object, nor did Adam in the garden to what their wives encouraged them to do. Be that as it may, once Hagar become pregnant, that was not a situation that could be undone. Your situation with the Lease can be undone, if you really beleive it is not God's will for you to lease the apartment, however, you may have to forfeit a deposit fee. It all depends on what is written in the contract agreement I'm assuming you signed. Sometimes we 'miss' God and make a wrong decision, but God's Grace and Mercy covers us even so, and, if He so chooses, He can right any wrong done and, hopefully, you can get your money back. But I'd rather learn a valuable lesson and be out some money than to be out of His will completely. But this brings me to my next thought. Please don't be offened at what I'm about to say, but based on what you have written, it would appear that you either agreed to let your wife find a home for the family, or she took it upon herself to do so. And it would appear that she made the final decision to put down a deposit, sign a lease and then the next day had regrets. Did you agree to the decision to take the new apartment, and thereby sign the lease and give a deposit? If so, I'm assuming you felt a peace about doing so, or were you fully trusting your wife's decision concerning the apartment and in doing so, signed the lease and gave money for the deposit. At any rate, here you are facing a decision, which leads me to suggest: if you are in full agreement, cancel the lease, ask for a full refund, and pray they give it to you. However, If you feel this apartment is suitable for your family and you feel good about it, move forward. From where I sit, and I say this respectfully, it appears that you are the one working as many jobs as possible to financially support your family, but it appears as if your wife is the one making the decisions and leading the family. This can only be answered between you and God. But IF this is the case, then things are out of balance spiritually. You should not be at the mercy of everything happening around you. Go to God and hear from Him, then whatever He tells you to do, do it. PS put the 7 year old on the couch until you can buy him a single bed, and sleep with your wife. That is out of order. I am a wife and I've learned that it is God's will to direct the family through the husband. It does not mean a wife should not give input and opinions or advice in any matter, and a husband should certainly listen to and consider her input and advice, but the ultimate and end decision is laid upon the hubands shoulder, as he is the one designated by the Lord to lead the family. Either keep the lease and move in, or break the lease and take the potential consequence, but hope they have mercy and give the full amount of deposit back. Either way, pray and seek God for His will. It is YOUR responsiblity to hear from God. May His peace and wisdom guide you even in the midst of this storm.

In His love, JulieAnn

[musician561]

Thank you all, once again for the advice and thoughts.

Here is the overshadowing issue. I have always said that I'll make my home where ever I have a job that I'm happy with. Where I'm working is the driving force. As a man and having grown up with a father (minister and a garbage man) who only new "Son you have to go to work and work hard to take care of your family", I've grown with that mind set. My wife, before she stopped working, had come to the concusion that she has to have her own Christian counseling practice (the iorny of it all..) She came to this conclusion because God showed her that what she originally desired couldn't be possible with secular counseling...which it total understandable. So really, she wants to start working on her licensure in that realm. I have been totally all for it bercause the sooner this happens, the more balanced we would be finacially. I recently came to a similar the conclusion like she did. I really believed that God would allow me to teach at my undergraduate college because I had carried this unction and tugging at my heart about teaching there for over 14 years. God allowed the door to open, but I believed he closed it. (To make a long story short, I, like Moses, smote the rock instead of speaking to it...at least that's what I believe God showed me) I couldn't see my life past this point because I thought that "this was the job". I could stay for 30years or so, and retire there.

So this is where we both are. Wanting to know where God want's us to go where we (our family) can prosper and grow. Here's the other kicker...I STILL have my public school job. I don't want to leave it beacuse I'm the breadwinner. We get our health care, which by the way is very important. To answer a few assumtions: I was activly seeking a rental home for us. It's just that every one I brought to my wife, she didn't like. SO, like some men, I said to her that I'm fine with whatever she wanted or found because I just wanted us to be somewhere at peace. I went with what made her happy...I just wanted peace...I was in agreement with her all the way. We both signed. I trully don't want to lose the money, because it was hard earned and God knows, we don't have it and can't afford to lose it. AND, we have to be out before Jan. 25th. We woudl have to pay for one months rent PLUS over 2gran to break the lease. The funny part is that she said in one of our counseling session that she would stay in it if God say to. Honestly, the bottom line is my wife and I have to get closer spiritually. I don't understand her sometimes and I can't unedrstand why she doesn't see somethings like I see them. Any way, I'm just at the point to where I'm like...Ok God do whatevery you have to do so that we can be at peace.

[Maverick_Reborn]

Be careful when comparing your trials and actions to other people in the bible. You may be doing something that may work for someone else, but not for you. Do not use your understanding to intrepret God's will. Ask for His will to be done, and do not make choices or give reasons by your own understanding. I hope this helps some =)

[JulieAnn]

Dear Musician561,

My "opinion" based on all you have revealed and what would appear to be common sense is to move into the apartment you have signed a lease agreement on. You said if you break the lease you loose over 2 thousand dollars. Unless you can come up with a serious legitimate reason why you absolutely cannot live there, wisdom at this point says to simply move in and be at peace. Don't overthink this issue. What's done is done, the agreement was made between you and your wife, the lease was agreed to and signed by both of you, and a down payment made. Your only reason for waivering on keeping the apartment is a "feeling", nothing more. If your wife is determined not to move in, then let the chips fall where they may and be willing to pay the penalty and move on. As a side note: Be content with where God has you "now'. God does not operate in 'time' as we do. His ways and thoughts are high above ours. Be faithful in what he has given you to do NOW, in what He has assigned your hands to do NOW, and be faithful where you are at, and in the 'season' you are in. His will and plans for your life will unfold before you as you live your life, seeking His face and knowing Him daily. His ways do not cause or bring confusion and disunity. Let His peace rule in your heart and home. PS, As for the story of Moses striking the rock, believers live under a new and better covenant - Grace! Jesus took all our sin upon Himself at the Cross and fulfilled the Law. We are IN HIM, and His blood covers and His Mercies are new every morning. Be at Peace, JulieAnn

[musician561]

Hello agian,

Thank's JulieAnn for your response. I would like a little more insight on some things, and I pray that other Godly women would help me on this, also. Honestly, I love my wife and my son's. I am not the best "Christian husband and father" that I could be, BUT am, by all means, better than most men. I say that with the confidence that God has given me. I work hard, due my best to love my wife and kids, and I, with all my heart and soul, know that I would never walk out on my family. If any thing, I feel that I would go through hell and high water to keep us together and make sure that I am always there for my wife and son's.

I don't understand her at this point. What's she's thinking and feeling. I've asked, gone to counseling, and I'm trying to come to some agreement with her on some things.. . I prayed with her last night (not sure if she really felt) but how do we get God to tell us the same thing????? It's like she's keeping God to herself. Please help me with this statement "I've known God before you (husband) and I will chose Him over you. So how do we "share God" and have Him tell us the same thing????

Also, are there any bibical examples of situations where in a married couple, both serving God, where the wife heard from God, told it to her husband, and he followed..OR where they both heard from God and went together?? I'm honestly seeking God on this. It's very important to me at this point. Where are lessons in the bible that we can learn from

[JulieAnn]

Musician561,

I sent a private note to your home page.

JulieAnn