Christianity Oasis Forum

[lyl1114]

I have hit my breaking point today...
the enemy has been using my 4.5 daughter to get to me...
I was getting so angry with her and I yelled at her and said a lot of things I regret. She's only 4.5 years old...
I am under so much stress...I have little or no patience with her. I felt like she was just trying to eat me alive...
I was losing it, not because of my daughter but because the enemy was using her...and I let my anger out at her.

As I was writing this asking for help privately, to a certain someone, pouring out my chaotic mind and anxious heart, my computer shut off on me. Then I totally lost it...I started bawling. My heart was just aching. I am just way too over my head...I just needed someone to help me and pray with me...
Then I heard the Holy Spirit saying that HE is here...waiting to listen and help. I have been neglecting Him...I asked for forgiveness and just cried out to Him...please help me....

After awhile, I was seeking His word and opened up the Bible
Matthew 6:25-34
Do Not Worry

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

How foolish I am...but how merciful and loving is our God!! little step at a time, I am learning to really trust Him.

Forgive me, Lord, and please please please heal my daughter for the damage I have done....teach me to love her like you love her...give me UNENDING patience towards her...I am so sorry...please give me wisdom and strength to repair her broken heart....please...teach me step by step, day by day, moment by moment...PLEASE.......

[lyl1114]

My thought for the day.

Often times, I ask God to do this or that, to change the situation, as if He is some kind of a magician that owes me something...like He needs to do what I ask Him...
Like a child, I throw tantrums, kicking, screaming, yelling, hitting, rolling on the ground...but the parent won't budge because it is still a no...or at least for now. How I should just obey and do things to make my parent happy and pleased...so maybe the parent will give me what I ask for a little sooner (that is if what I am asking for isn't bad for me). BUT it is SOOOOOOO much easier to throw the tantrums.
Either way, for now, the answer is NO. Because there is something I need to do...like learn and grow. And maybe to understand where my Father is coming from. Learning that God won't make things easier today just because I say so. There is absolutely nothing I can do, be it to yell or hit, to change His mind except to just wait and obey...patiently. I am gonna say it. It sucks. But the sooner I accept it and go on, live my life day by day, and just wait on Him, the better. I'm learning how to do that. Learning how to control my mind so that I stay positive my Father will allow and give me what I ask for. First, I need to accept that it is a no for now. Hard to do. I know. and just WAIT and have hope and faith. His change in me and my life is gradual, not over night. And God is good, always...

[lyl1114]

I am failing.....
if I may ask...I need a helping prayer.....

[Mackenaw]

Hello Lyl1114 (((hugs)))

I'm here, and I'm sending up prayers to our Lord in the name of Jesus, on your behalf. May God's blessed will be done.

Lyl1114, please feel free to share what is going on, so we can perhaps help you. You are not alone, Lyl1114 (((hugs))) , you are not alone. The Holy Spirit is right there with you, and we are here for you, too.

God bless and keep you.
Love,
Mack

[lyl1114]

Thank you, sister Mack...

I don't think that I should list all the problems I am facing in my life...but I am really overwhelmed. It really made it hard for me to function again...I just have a cluttered mind and I try but fail at reaching out to God...secretly I get angry at Him. Then I catch myself and stop. I have drifted far away and today, I finally got back to doing the cccc counseling program again. I can't think straight and I can only function for a little periods at a time.

I regret the things that I post because I am imbalanced...like a pendulum...swinging back and forth from two extreme ends. I really thought that because I have chosen to put my faith in God to deal with my problems, things will get better. It did for awhile when I learned to find peace but realized ALL the problems still exist. I am having a hard time with this...and I am sinking.


Now with all the knowledge I have gained, I am afraid that it has made my heart harder. For awhile I just lost faith. And some of the problems have magnified! I am having panic attacks where I just can't breathe, my heart is clenched tight, I cry, feel frustrated...
I know the path that leads to freedom (God) but my feet are heavy. I am just wallowing in this and can't seem to snap out of it. I am DRAINED... but I know I MUST fight. I MUST choose...every single moment...but I am in way over my head. I am losing faith and I don't want to... I just need to get a tight grip on that rope (God) again to pull myself up...

[dema]

Stop and breathe. If you have a blessings journal, read it. If not, starting one would be a great thing to do. In my worst times, I can see God's footprints all over the place. If you stop, breathe, and look for his footprints you will find them.

There is a time for every purpose. This time will not last. We are not here to be entertained, we are here to grow. And you are growing. You are accomplishing God's purpose - actually, God is accomplishing his purpose in you because you are willing. And it is God's job to grow you. You are the child and as long as you keep letting him know you are willing, he WILL grow you. You don't need to have guilt or to judge yourself. Don't judge yourself. Let God grow you. Realize it is God's job to grow you. Your job is to just be willing. Don't pressure yourself. Don't analyze every little thing you do. Don't live in a constant barrage of your own critiques and criticisms.

Let go. Know that God will grow you. And that that is the purpose.

Breathe. Know you are loved. Know you are allowed to love yourself. Tell yourself about your good qualities. You seek God. You are willing to grow. You love people.

Describe yourself as your own best fan.

This won't last. Things will change. And you will have grown.

[lyl1114]

I have been more aware of the evil spirits working in my life lately. They probably have always been but I am more aware. Last week, while taking a nap with my younger daughter, we both woke up from a bad dream...you know the ones that just make you cringe and make you feel very unhappy? Well, when I woke up, still dazed, I think I saw black dots just scattering away...and I felt the evil presence flee. I asked for the blood of Jesus to cover us and protect us and rebuked the evil spirits...

It has been so tough lately...more than ever. God really wants me to trust but I have hard time pulling through. BUT I am crying out to Him because I am soooooooooooooooooo desperate. I think I will just lose my mind. I had a good cry last night...around 3 am when everyone was asleep. My first daughter really gave me a hard time until bedtime and my little one decided to do the same all night until 3 am. Just cried (of course silently not to wake others). I repented, as one dear sister advised, for the hurtful things I did to my daughters. I was really angry but I asked for forgiveness. I actually made a little poster with pictures of them, reminding me that they are gifts from the Lord, that they are God's and He entrusted them with me. I need to ALWAYS remember that...

What I came across while reading other studies on this site last night, was that God doesn't tempt (test) us beyond what we can bear...It had a new meaning to me.

1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

Because the temptations or TESTING, are NOT beyond me, I CAN overcome...IF I chose to (instead of complaining, BOO HOO, OH it is too hard for me.) That gave me hope. I CAN overcome. God gives me the strength... ...So every encounter today, with that in mind, I tackled them. But towards the end, I just had to cry out again for help. And now at 11 pm, I feel refreshed....spending time here and with Holy Spirit. I am choosing to move forward. I am sure this choice has to be made tomorrow morning as well, and all throughout the day...and for the rest of my life

Finances are still a BIG factor of my stress. Don't know why things are turning out like this now because "the plans" set to get out of this debt and hole and really, trying to survive each week...didn't turn out like it was supposed to. Like always, our plans are not good at all next to God's perfect one. Whatever His plan is, I have to stop worrying. I have to say it many times that I trust God throughout the day and night. It sure isn't easy. But really, what can I do to at this moment that can change anything? I guess that is why God allowed my situation to be like it is...

Romans 5:1-5
1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,
2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God.
3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;
4 perseverance, character; and character, hope.
5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

These verses helped me through all the rough times growing up...especially in high school. It is bringing back a lot of those memories as a teenager when things really were just so tough and I believed and held unto these WORDS to have peace. I must do it again...

I really am unworthy and undeserving yet Jesus Christ still died for me. I really have to pass this test called life...
I love you all, brothers and sisters in Christ, for all the encouragement and prayers...
Above all, glory and praise be to God!

[lyl1114]

Hi dema!!

Thank you...
Yes, I am breathing now...
Thank you for your loving heart...
May God continue to bless you as well...

Yes, time for everything...May God turn our sorrow into joy in the morning.

Sending you lots of love...

Stop and breathe. If you have a blessings journal, read it. If not, starting one would be a great thing to do. In my worst times, I can see God's footprints all over the place. If you stop, breathe, and look for his footprints you will find them.

There is a time for every purpose. This time will not last. We are not here to be entertained, we are here to grow. And you are growing. You are accomplishing God's purpose - actually, God is accomplishing his purpose in you because you are willing. And it is God's job to grow you. You are the child and as long as you keep letting him know you are willing, he WILL grow you. You don't need to have guilt or to judge yourself. Don't judge yourself. Let God grow you. Realize it is God's job to grow you. Your job is to just be willing. Don't pressure yourself. Don't analyze every little thing you do. Don't live in a constant barrage of your own critiques and criticisms.

Let go. Know that God will grow you. And that that is the purpose.

Breathe. Know you are loved. Know you are allowed to love yourself. Tell yourself about your good qualities. You seek God. You are willing to grow. You love people.

Describe yourself as your own best fan.

This won't last. Things will change. And you will have grown.

[lyl1114]

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.


My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!


And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

[lyl1114]

Peace...that is what I have been experiencing the last two days.

Going over the cccc study again, the topic of forgiveness brought to my mind, my dad. I haven't thought about him really for the past few months because just the thought of him and what he is doing doesn't usually give me peace...so I avoided it. But as I felt peace, I said in my heart that I forgive him. I haven't seen him for months until tonight. I know most of his actions are incomprehensible but somehow, I felt God saying that He is in control. He loves my dad too no matter what and I shouldn't hold onto my resentment towards him. Maybe my plan for my dad (what I wish he would do) is a little different from God's plans.
Proverbs 3:45-6
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Some may say what I ask of him is really just basic duties...yes...but God loves Him and we pray and I believe God is teaching my dad...for whatever it is...God is working in him. My dad is working part time in construction/plumbing right now but still no place to call home. I trust GOD. and that gives me peace.

My forgiveness is one of the many reasons for peace. I am beginning to understand that peace is another way of God communicating with us. We pray, we ask, and He answers with peace if it is His will. Must work on the discernment as to make sure it is from God.

Everyday is a fight, a choice. I am learning, I NEED to spend time with God, and seek Him, EVERY SINGLE DAY, if not every single moment... or else I will gradually just slip away again. Must be alert.

Feeling very grateful again for this ministry and for all the lovely people here!

Thank you, God!

[Mackenaw]

Hello Lyl1114 (((hugs)))

God bless you this day.

Hallelujah!!! God is so very Good!!! Thank You Jesus \o/ \o/ \o/

Awwwwww, Lyl1114, I am so happy for you. What blessed revelations The Holy Spirit imparted to you. Wooooooohooooo!!!

Continue to "Gobble up" the Truth shared within each stepping stone.

God bless and keep you.
Love,
Mack

[lyl1114]

today absolutely NOTHING did and still is going my way. NOTHING. I have no way or nowhere to let out my frustrations. Just thinking about my next min,, next hour, next day, next week....I can't breathe. I don't know how I am going to survive. There is no peace now. I am sorry that this is where I run to. Don't know where or who to talk to....
I am just so angry and I don't know how to get a grip. I really don't understand where God is leading...it is really hard to wait as the storm passes...