Christianity Oasis Forum

[bh12312]

I am a sinner seeking redemption. I want to do the steps and become healed. I want to give some background first. I have always been a Christian and been involved with the church, but times have changed. I went to college, got a job, got married, bought a house, and had a child. All these are good things, but I have lost my way. I travel alot for work and about 8 months ago I cheated on my wife on a business trip. I came clean and told her, but it was a hard road. Eventually after a few months everything was okay. She forgave me and I earned my trust. Recently I have done it again and she is not as forgiving. I do not know why because this is not my usual behavior. We talked and we are working through it under the condition that I change back to my God fearing that she fell in love with.
In my state now I drink too much, I smoke, and overall feel like my morals are gone. Before this I never drank any alcohol, I did not smoke and was happy being a husband and father. I still consider myself a good father as I spend most of my time with my daughter, and take care of diaper changing, feeding, bathing, playtime, etc. That aside, she is going to need to grow up with a role-model and I need to be a good one. I just don't think I can ever be happy without my daughter and wife (the only love of my life).
Besides the other people in my life, I am not happy. I have a hard conscious (which is good that it is still there) and even though I am a man still cry when I think about it. It makes me hate myself, and I want to change for myself as much as for my loved ones. No matter what happens with my marriage I need to be healthy for me. If anyone has been there or has advice I would love to hear from you. I just want to become a better person and keep my marriage. I love my wife more than anything (tied with my daughter) despite my actions. I need to have my actions reflect my feelings and need support to change.

[vahn]

Hello brother , and welcome aboard the Oasis

Yes , indeed you are on a rough ride . But here's the good news , the "ride" has to come to a stop at some point , then , it is up to us to get off the car , but however , if we were to stay in the car , we go around the coaster one more time , and again and again ... until we get sick , and are FORCED to get off the tracks , or the park altogether .

You will be amazed , before you get half way through this path you're on right now (the 14 day) . The steps helped me and many others find the "weeds" that cause us do things we normally don't , or vice-versa .

Looking forward to read from you more , so we'll be able to lend a hand on finding your way again .

There will be others that will come along and express their views as well .

Once again , glad to have you with us . Keep up the good work , you're on the right track .


In Christ , our Lord
vahn

[bh12312]

Thank you for the reply. I am going to do my hardest to get there. It is just so hard to forgive myself and ask my wife for forgiveness. We are at the point where she has not forgiven me, but has told me she can if my actions reflect my promises (because my promises are useless to her now). I just told her that I have no defense for what I have done, and I cannot ask for forgiveness. That will have to come when she is ready, but I just want time. I want time to prove myself indefinitely and get my sins behind me for good. I do not have the right to demand her forgiveness, and I don't know how she will ever be able to. I just know at this time it does not seem possible that I can ever forgive myself. I know God has forgiven me. He knew I would do this before I did and will still accept me with open arms when I come to him. I wish I knew his secret, so I might get over this

[vahn]

at this time it does not seem possible

It may SEEM , to us , that it is impossible ... and in many ways , it is . But , however , with His help ... NOTHING is wthout reach for us .

It appears that the Channels are a bit clogged up at the moment , lets work on unclogging them and then , when the slightest sliver of a light gets to come through , all we have left to do then is , to widen that gap .

Dont be too hard on yourself ..... You said you're a sinner , right ? Well , so am I , but here's a question for you , If birds fly , and fish swim ... what do sinners do ?

[Christnundrconstruxn]

Hey new brother and you too Vahn

I wanted to send this big note to you yesterday welcoming you and giving my opinion but it somehow clashed with brother vahns and mine disappeared not showing up......there was a reason for that cause brother vahn had it under control
I do want to say yes you are right in many ways of the not demanding of forgiveness, show her that you are going to do all you can to move forward and this life will never happen again and by that and walking upright with the Lord at your side....that is where the forgiveness from her will come.
We ALL fall short of the glory of God...as brother vahn said we ALL sin period
we all just need to realize it is not our place to judge but God's
I say we all 3 climb off satans rollercoaster and get on God's marry go round, instead of not knowing what is going to scare the heck out of us on the next hill......His love is the same all the way AROUND
Hang in there brother you are exactly where God wants you
And know you have to let yourself heal and beating yourself up is only making you weaker.....stop!!
she will forgive if it is meant to happen not anything of you feeling the need to run yourself down will change that, now before it is taken wrong I'm not saying pretend as if nothing happened BUT she does not wish to be with a man that is broken and beaten no more than she wishes to be with an adultuer.
I say this cause I do the same, Just admit and show by action the changes that are needed THAT is where healing will come....for you both.
God bless and I will pray for healing in your marriage
Cuc

[bh12312]

Thank you for your kind words. I will post a journal for step two in a bit, but I wanted to revisit this and say thank you for your advice and wisdom. I spoke with my minister today who is a trained counselor that I have known for years. He is going to meet with me for sessions to help the healing and help me to recover (in addition to this program). My wife told me today that she still loves me and does not want to leave. Of course that does not change the fact that trust will take no per-determined amount of time.

[Christnundrconstruxn]

AMEN!!!!!
please do not belittle this you AND her have taken very large steps to heal
Hang on tightly to the Lord and know we are here for you
Cuc