Christianity Oasis Forum

[David]

Forgiveness. Does anyone else find it difficult to really forgive those that made your life hell, or especially those that say that they loved you and turn around and say awful things about you? I can still hear the words of a woman (I truly loved and wanted to marry) as she told me goodbye. With my limited social interaction and introversion, I can remember her saying there was more to life than the few interests I had, that she was going to let me crawl back under the rock she found me under. We I dated for 5 years as she was in high school and college. Her parents were divorced, her mom died when she was 16, her family she lived with treated her pretty horribly. I was always there for her, turned down jobs that would have furthered my career in audio ( I moved into an automotive career), because she said that she wouldn't know what she would do without me and asked me to never leave. Then she did, went to a university about 2.5 hours away and the relationship ended shortly thereafter. After about a year and a half, she came back. We began seeing each other again. One night I was visiting her, there was a persistent knock on the door that went on for hours- the next day when I got home, went to call her and she was in tears, I had to tell her what I already suspected, that she was married. Shortly after we broke up I was at the local college and an acquaintance blurted out " Did you know Lance and Kathi married"? I asked her about it and she denied it. Her car window was broken out in front of my house, we never stayed at her apartment, always isolated from her private life. She was married and seeking an annulment. It wasn't easy but I guess I forgave her instantly. It didn't take long for me to tell her I wasn't going to leave her. After she graduated nursing school, she got a job at UCLA and well, left me for a doctor. Since then, haven't had much in relationships. Today was real tough getting out of bed, sucks waking up alone and already worn out. But I took a drive to the local harbor, took a walk on the beach and just talked to God. Made it to "work" and have been getting a few things done, setting up for the mid- week service.

[Dora]

Someone once told me, "God never gives you more than you can handle. I guess He thinks you can handle a lot."

That's a very painful break up in a very long relationship David. I imagine the pain would cause anyone to be angry and hate. I have found as a Christian we are not suppose to hate so I don't allow myself to feel angry towards the ones who hurt me. So my anger gets turned inward against myself and I want to hurt myself. Sharing this with you so you know anger is a viable emotion given to us by God. It is ok to be angry when someone is mistreated. If we don't allow ourselves to be angry when mistreated we run the risk of stuffing the anger down inside where it can begin to turn into self hate and cause self harm. We should be angry when someone hurts us. Because it's sin and sin wrong. It's wrong to hurt others.

Just as when we hit our thumb with a hammer and get angry and maybe say a few words we shouldn't, we get angry when our feelings are hurt. Unfortunately it takes longer to heal the emotional pain than it does to heal the smashed thumb. God is with us in all of this and willing to help us place our anger in the right direction and help us forgive and heal. For me I choose to hate the sin and be angry at the sin, furious at the sin, and let God deal with the person who caused the sinful acts that harmed me. I find I can let out the anger with out turning it inward and still stay in Gods will. Cause He too hates sin. Hope this makes since. Hope it helps. It took me a long time to get to this place of understanding. So be patient with yourself if you find yourself still dwelling over this for some time. Hate the sin, not the sinner.

[xxJILLxx]

Hello David ,

Does anyone else find it difficult to really forgive those that made your life hell, or especially those that say that they loved you and turn around and say awful things about you?

To answer your question, i must admit, YES it is difficult especially after we have been hurt deeply. I also must say that as i grew in my relationship with Chirst < He taught and is still teaching me to forgive as He forgives and love as He loves and to show compassion as He does. Try to remember that we all make mistakes, none are perfect. And we should practice grace as it was freely given to us.

I am sorry for the pain you experienced from this person. *hugs* Can you find it in your heart to forgive this person? Can you see her as He sees her? Holy Spirit will teach and help you to forgive if you seek to do so, all we must do is ask of Him. He is sure to show you through His eyes if you truly seek to forgive. Seek and you shall find.

God bless
♥Jill