Christianity Oasis Forum

[greedo1138]

Guess I should start out with my testimony, 13 years ago now, I was with a woman, rushed into sex and she got pregnant, I was happy at the time, well a few months later, she called me and told me she got an abortion, I was so mad I couldn't speak. Well I finally a year later was coping with the loss when she called me the same day as the abortion to remind me. well for 12 years I was mad at God told him if this is what he allowed to happen I could do without him. Well one day a friend invited me to church, so I went to make him happy, I started to like the church so I stayed, got invited to go to the mother church for the new years eve message, the apostle called the ones who need a release from any addictions or hurt so we could start a fresh new year, he walked in front of me and I physical felt a weight lifted from my heart and fell to my knees crying. I thought I was over the pain, well today 12-27-11 I found out that there is a woman in the room that got one, so now I'm not talking much in the room because I'm honestly afraid what I might say. PLEASE HELP I REALLY NEED IT

[ServeGod]

Sometimes its Good to say nothing at all. But I was in the room too, and I can tell you, you would have been proud of your other half. We are all vessels and some times its best to sit back and listen. I truely believe the Holy Spirit used Jen in an awesome way.. We can only pray and hope that God will touch this person some how.

[dema]

This has been very much on my mind, more accurately, in my face lately.

First of all, I have had two pregnancies and two babies. One of them gave birth to my 9th grandchild. I have two other children who entered my life later. I have extreme empathy for this subject - don't quite know why it is so extreme when I have had neither miscarriage nor that other awful thing.

On this site, I have been writing a couple who have an appointment for an abortion tomorrow morning. Actually, I hope Eric has cancelled it. The wife does not want the abortion and is trying to stand up to him. There has been a forum going here and he is in deep contemplation about it. You might look at it - I'm sure you can find it by tracking back through my posts.

In my posts there, I talk about the ghosts - not literal ghosts, but the ghosts in the minds and hearts of the mothers that never go away. Apparently your ex-girlfriend had the ghost. She called you a year later - that is a strong symptom. I don't know but that all but the most selfish of women have them. Your ex is haunted. And that haunting will never go away. I've found that I tend to make this kind of excuse for people I need to forgive, but that it doesn't work for my own healing. For, my own healing and forgiveness, I would need to shout at a mental image of her. I would have to call her murderer, murderer of my own child, my own flesh. I would need to shout that and cry. And then I could give her to God for him to choose mercy if he so chose. Release her to the goodness and the justice of God, and let her go. It is my belief that truly giving to God is forgiveness. Total relinquishment. Relinquishment of self is salvation and relinquishment of another is forgiveness. When we accept the blood of Jesus for our sins, we accept that that blood is for the sins of all who lay them at the cross. To be able to see her at the cross of Jesus - and accept it - that I believe is true forgiveness.

But, my experience, which is substantial - I have heard so much sadness - is that you need to be angry, be hurt and experience the hurt and the anger and the other natural emotions first. Pray and experience and pray and experience - and, you will find that after a few days to a few months, you can relinquishm AND have a clean wound. You will feel like you have had surgery. But you will know the wound is clean. If it takes more than a few months, you need help. No incident, no matter how tramatic, should engulf you by yourself for more than a few months. This is for everybody. If you cannot release within a period well under a year - then you need to get help. Do not get stuck in your misery alone.

This post is about you. But, you have to relate to others. And I will write about that next.

[dema]

I found that when I reached a certain point in my life, birth control didn't work. My daughters experienced the same thing. All three of them - birth and adopted. Those pregnancies became daughters and granddaughters. There are accidental pregnancies. There is stupid behavior. There is thoughtless and selfish behavior.

But nobody wants an abortion. Nobody wants to pay for it and nobody wants the pain or the stigma. It is a cowardly, selfish thing - usually, I believe, having much to do with fear. (I am excluding medical abortions done to remove a brainless fetus or because the placenta is partly detached or because the mother's blood sugar would kill both mother and child in a couple of months - that is another issue, at least to me, entirely. But nobody wants one of those either. I may cry just thinking about it. )

Many girls, intentionally or unintentionally, have both the sex and the pregnancy out of intense loneliness. Parents rush around. The hormones make the girls difficult to talk with. Parents shout at them and otherwise don't seem to relate. Nobody seems to understand. And the boyfriend acts like he does. It may be entireley seduction - but it is the only touching and looking in the eye that she gets. And the baby will do that too. And never leave. Reallity doesn't enter in. When it does, she realizes dad will kick her out. College won't be a possibility. Her friends will dump her - and that all she will have is difficulties and government aid with no future. Her view is exaggerated by hormones that she doesn't understand. The baby is an abstract. And, in her panic, she has an abortion. And the placenta is scraped out of her womb. And she is hit with all the nurturing hormones. And she is overcome with the desire to care for her infant - her dead, dismembered, unburied infant. And the fetus becomes a ghost.

These girls frequently work extra hard to become more. To make it worth it somehow. They become successful. Some never have other children. And they enter menopause doubly haunted - by both the fetus ghost and by the ghost of the family they should have had. Others do have families and never tell. Or maybe they tell one friend, like me, and I know that the child would have been through college by now. Or that she would have been driving. Or that my friend should have been a grandmother by now. Even when there are other children, the ghost is obviously still there. What would these children think if they knew? Oh, God, I love them so much. And I killed one of them.

These women search for forgiveness. But many will never confess in any Christian forum to what they have done. Their confession is perhaps to people like me - when I bring up my pain for someone else who has confessed to me. When they hear of my compassion for this other person, then they tell me. My flesh and blood friends have confessed to me when I have spoken of people suffering on this site. I had no idea. I am so shocked at the number of people who have had abortions - and suffer silently 20 years later.

Their pain is endless. They need forgiveness. Christ died for their sins as well as yours and mine. God forgave David for murdering, he forgave Paul. They were great, great men of God in spite of their sins. Perhaps because of them - because they know how much they needed God. These women need to be welcomed as whole beings in the family of God. But, how can they be whole if they cannot confess? How can they be whole if they are not forgiven by Christ's body?

I will write one more.

[dema]

What can you do? How can we stop this?

Legislation is unlikely to be passed. Even if it was, there are coat hangers and broom straws and greedy doctors. And these things can lead the mother to die unforgiven.

Studies show that what these women need is a community. There are pregnancy support centers in most communities. There is an amazing amount of government support for pregnant women. And a lot of private as well. If you can get the woman to a pregnancy support center, they will counsel her and love her and give her an ultrasound and let her know that she can do it. She can have her baby and get an education.

If you are mourning the death of your child, then I would call one of these centers and ask them how much it costs to save one child. And I would give every week until I had given twice that amount. If it takes 20 years, well, then it takes 20 years. And then my child would have saved two other children. And that would give me peace. My child would not have died for nothing.

I have not lost a child - thank God - thank God every minute of every day. But I give to my local organization anyway.

This is THE most effective way to prevent abortions, and it makes sense. It is loneliness that causes most of these situations. And a community is the answer to the underlying problem. The village can save the child.

But the haunted mothers need forgiveness. Note, I use the word "mothers". There is no doubt in my mind that willingly or not, that term is the correct one. They are bereaved at their own hand. And I do not think that there is a greater hurt on this planet than the loss of a child. And to have done it oneself. How does one recover?

These mothers need the love of Jesus. They need healing. Only Jesus can heal these wounds. Jesus does forgive. If he can forgive David for murdering Uriah, He can forgive this sin. If God can forgive the world for murdering His own son, He CAN forgive. When we are born again, we become the children of God. If God can forgive Paul, who was killing God's newborn spiritual children, then GOD CAN FORGIVE THIS SIN! And God used Paul to take the gospel to all the world.

God forgives. And somehow we need to do so as well.

[xxJILLxx]

Hey greedo ,
Glad to see you reaching for help during your pain. We are your brothers and sisters and we need to be there for one another .

Brother, i feel your pain... when instances pop up that bring to the forefront of our minds all those feelings and flooding memories.. remember where He brought you from. Work through the feelings, one by one, and make a decision to let go. Forgive yourself and get rid of all the "What if I woulda done this or that..'s " and forgive the mother (at that time she did the best she could of done, and she is suffering too from her decision)

The child is safe in our loving Father's arms. Be rest assured that the child knows now more of the situation than we do being that the child is with the All-Knowing. On the other side of this life there is no sorrow and pain, the child forgives you as it knows perfect love, like our Father.

There are times when there are other people who cross our paths that have a similar history or outcome that triggers these emotions. When that happens dear brother, remind yourself that you grieved and you found peace knowing that you did everything you could of possibly done with the given circumstances in your life and that the child is at peace.

Ultimately when you have forgiven all parties, including God, and got rid of the "what if's " and put your trust in the All Mighty that he knows your heart. You can pass through that threshold of heavenly peace and dont look back... begin to look forward. I get excited anticipating seeing my loved child in heaven It is important to remember that when you forgive and give yourself permission to move forward that you are not forgetting the child, you are radiating your love for the child. You can then feel the love flow going back and forth between you and the child. It is no longer blocked by our emotions and unforgiveness. The love is set free

I hope this helps you dear brother, I am praying for you
God bless n keep you
♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

hey jen i understand your frustration.

As far as the chat room is concerned, i think that we try to keep the room as nuetral as possible, so others will not feel uncomfortable. I can see where the talk of abortion may be uncomfortable in main chat and my suggestion is to nicely ask when it is brought up to please take it to another side room that way everyone would feel comfortable. I dont see anything wrong with that We need to be considerate to ALL our Oasis family

God bless n keep ya sis
♥Jill

[dema]

I agree. Abortion should not be talked about at all in the main room. Not for or against. I said something there in response to someone else' comment and was called out on it in a PM. And it was right that that was so. The person needs to be firmly warned that they may NOT discuss abortion in the main room. And if she does it again, report her. Hit the report button and they will deal with it.

If you want to tell her that she can PM me, that is okay. I will be happy to talk with her. I imagine she is hurting pretty bad and I have been with so many women through the after-hurt. Actually, it would be good. Or you might give me her handle and I will write her first.

Thanks.