Christianity Oasis Forum

[faith1]

I continue to feel upset and hurt by others and wish I had not reached out in the first place. I've had a church be hurtful to me and never seen the wrong really corrected. It seems that those who do wrong are just rewarded and those that are hurt just continue to suffer. As discouraged as I've felt about the many problems with people and church that occurred in the past few years I felt like God was using that in some way. However, I just see my situation just remain the same or sometimes worse and I haven't seen anything come out of these. I know God works all things for good to those that love him. However, I like many others can probably think of things that occurred long ago that were bad that nothing good ever came of it. These issues that occurred for the past three years just compounded the problems that were already in my life before this. At this point I'm just thinking what is the plan for my life. After dealing with the terrible problems these people from a church group caused for me it makes me wonder if he wants me to have friends. It's not like these people were from a gang and I was in with a bad crowd yet the influence in my life was not Godly and they just seemed like everything was about them and didn't really care about you just wanted to cause you problems. Wanting a guy friend seemed harmless some of my selfish friends have one that will be there for them and help them. Why do these people who constantly call up with all there drama needing help have someone who endlessly helps them and is there for them. Yet I handle most things my self and if I need help with anything I don't get help sometimes people even make things more difficult. I'm kind of leery of meeting new people and since a church didn't seem to be a good place I'm not sure where is. After all this I'm really uncertain about meeting and dating someone since this was just friends and things were so hurtful, and just seem like they don't care about anyone and can't trust them. I know God can work in your life I believe that I seen him work alittle bit in my life or atleast I'd like to believe that it was God. However, with relationships that doesn't seem to be the case. I'm in my thirties I've never met someone that I've wanted to seriously date and I've mostly hung out with this one friend. When I try to reach out I get treated very badly by others when I'm a good friend to them. I don't feel blessed by God in this area at all and I don't understand why. I see people who seem to be much less of a good friend to others and yet they have friends, spouses, friends that are there for them.

[mlg]

Hello faith,

I'm sorry you have been hurt by so many people. Sometimes we have expectations of others, especially other Christians, and when those expectations are not met, we fall into a pit of doubt, hurt, misunderstanding and anger. Faith the only person you can truly rely upon in this life is God. People are people...and they will fall short....not saying that people won't help you, because there are many who will...but relying upon them, and wanting them to react to you in a certain way, or the things you do, doesn't often happen. This is why God teaches us patience and perseverance through our Faith in Him. He knows we will encounter trials and tribulations....and He wants us to be able to look through those things and see that He is in control and still sitting upon His throne no matter what. Is it easy to do this when in the midst of the trials? No way...even Peter struggled many times with His faith...but even we will push through and endure...God will reward...don't give up...keeping trying...and let God lead you through.

Another thing, work on forgiving those who have hurt you...this is an important step in your healing...

My prayers are with you.

Take care and God Bless

[Dora]

I'm sorry you are hurt.

I know right now it may feel like God may have forgotten you, but feelings can be fickle. He's not forgotten you. He's searching for a deeper relationship with you.

Take care. Love ya.

[dema]

I think you may have incredible expectations that nobody can meet. Are you incredibly hard on yourself? Do you expect people to do things exactly the right way and to do them promptly? Do you tell people how you want them done? Would you rather do things yourself than have someone else do it for you almost right? Do you think there is no such thing as almost right?

We are all children. And we are all imperfect. A lot of times people who have troubles like you do had parents or a parent who made them feel like nothing was ever good enough. Or, perhaps even worse, who only loved them when they were really spectacular. So, the person only feels lovable when being perfect. And they only feel loved when another person is behaving perfectly towards them.

There is a condition called NPD, Narcissistic personallity disorder. Parents who have this disorder can end up raising children who feel this way. I may be incorrect in thinking that you had a perfectionist parent. And certainly, even if you did have a perfectionist parent, the parent may not have had NPD. I am asking you if you have symptoms. If you don't, then you don't.

NPD parents can really cause issues with their children's expectations. I know something about this, so PM me if you want to talk about it. Anybody reading this is welcome to PM me.

No matter what, we need to love other people as they are. We tend to love a puppy or a kitten just for their puppiness or kittenness. God loves us that way. And we need to love other people that way wherever possible. That doesn't mean that we don't expect things of them - but love isn't contingent on their meeting our expectations. Nor does God's love require anything of us.

What I just said is that God loves you. Period. And all you have to do to be "GOOD" is to accept that Jesus is the Son of God and he died for your sins. Once you do that you are both lovable and acceptable. And that is it.

And this is true for others as well. Of course you don't know if they have really accepted Jesus. But that isn't your judgement call. Try to love them as you would a child. Sometimes you can succeed. Sometimes you can't. But keep reminding yourself to love them as you would a child.

And know that you ARE loved. You don't have to earn it. You ARE loved.