Christianity Oasis Forum

[alicat1984]

Well I came here yesterday for the first time and I did stepping stone 1 today. To describe what I feel is really hard. Yesterday, I felt like I have no reason to go on anymore. I don't understand why I saboutage everything good that happens to me. I have been having some anger issues and I have questioned whether I can trust my fiance or not. The truth is I am scared to death of getting married and I wonder what he sees in me and if I am good enough. I am trying so hard to find something wrong with him, but it is me that has something wrong. I went running yesterday evening after work and listened to Casting Crowns song "If We've Ever Needed You" and I just cried out to God to help me realize that I am His creation and I am more beautiful than I could possibly imagine. I don't have the best self-esteem, ok, lets not sugar coat it, I have really poor self-esteem. I think I try to find things wrong with everyone else, to avoid what is wrong with me. I read through the first day and I have realized that I have turned my back on God. I have tried so hard to do everything on my own and I know I can't. I used to have faith that God could do absolutely anything and that I could do anything as long as I have Him. Then Satan came into my mind and poisoned it, telling me I am worthless and the people I love would be better off without me. I hate myself for feeling this way. I am here to overcome this and to stand strong with my head held high, a beautiful creation and child of God.

[momof3]

oh, alicat

God bless your soul...

My sister in Jesus, welcome to Oasis....and welcome to healing. If we could see us the way He sees us. Its so easy to believe what the enemy of our souls tells us....and its a lie. I dont know anyone who would be willing to die for me so that I would live...other than Jesus...so, imagine....if our Creator, loves us that much....how much are we worth to Him?

You are fashioned and formed by the hands of God. He has made you, His passion, His child, fearfully and wonderfully.

think about that for a sec......WONDERFULLY made...full of wonders....

This world doesnt define you. He does. You are created in His image. I wish you could see you through His eyes. You arent here by accident. If the enemy can keep you from the truths of God...and make a mockery out of His creation...he has suceeded in killing, stealing and destroying that which God cherishes. Keep going on this path and let Him show you some things He wants you to know. You are among brothers and sisters here who have been kicked around by the world and by the enemy...who are finding and have found God's truth about how He sees us. He loves you, sister...so much more than you know.

You are NOT an accident, sister. There's alot of healing the Lord wants to do in you...so welcome again to Oasis. He has led you here to find truth.

Im praying for you along this journey. You arent alone. He is with you every step of the way.

in Jesus,
love momo

[alicat1984]

Day 2: Well, today has started out pretty good so far. I completed Stepping Stone 2 and the part where it says that "I" am not the problem really stuck out for me. For a few months now, I have felt like I am worthless. I used to see myself a lot better and I am not sure what happened to cause me to feel this way. My fiance has done absolutely nothing but shower me with love and yet for some reason, I have felt like I am not good enough for him. He tells me that he is so blessed to have me in his life and thanks God for me everyday. I am so happy to be doing this program because already I am realizing what is wrong with me. The great part is that it isn't me, but Satan that has a hold of me. I am so ready to get rid of these bad seeds he has planted in my mind and allow God to plant the seeds that will help me see myself as He does, a treasure. I am really feeling a great deal of relief today. I know that I still have a long way to go, but for the first time in months I feel wanted and loved. I know that God will always want me and love me and with that truth I have no reason to doubt myself or feel inadequate or worthless. I am praying for God to not only deliver me from this pit I have fallen into, but to use me!!!

[angel_19]

yes god will always be with you to lift you up on the hard times your having but satan always tries to bring you down i have been fighting the devil too all i do is say lord i need you and i plead the blood of Jesus over my mind and body and i feel peace every time i say that and i will be praying for you too God bless you

[momof3]

keep goin girl. Praise Jesus for what He's already showing you! He's so good and faithful to finish what He's begun in you. Prayers are with you all the way.

in Jesus,
love momo

[alicat1984]

Day 3: Well, I woke up this morning to my wonderful fiance's face. He works 3rd shift and brought me breakfast this morning. Then I spent the day cleaning, which is a stress relief for me! I watched a little tv and listened to some music, just relaxed for most of the day. When he woke up, we went grocery shopping and then cooked dinner together and watched a movie. Now he is at work and I am doing my third day here. So the lesson today is something that I have known for so long, yet forgotten somewhere along the way. God loves us more than we can fathom! He sent His only son to die for us measly human beings that don't deserve to even be looked upon by God, yet He never takes His eyes off of us. I can't believe the difference I feel in just 3 days. The part that really stuck out to me today was where it says we all fall and we need to pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off. It is so easy to just stay down once we have fallen, I know that all too well. I have felt like God is so ashamed of me that I felt I couldn't turn to Him because I don't deserve His love or His grace. The amazing thing is that He has been holding out His hand for months, just waiting patiently for me to take hold of it. Well, I am taking hold of it and I can feel Him wrap me up in His arms and hold me. I so don't deserve it, but God I thank you for loving me and saving me!!!

[momof3]

HI Sister,

Did you know that you cant shock God? He knew every step you were going to make, every decision and every thought you were going to have before He created you. You can't catch Him off guard, therefore, you can't make Him feel shame for you. He knows how much sin hurts us..and how it divides us from Him...that's the whole reason for His grace. I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders when the Holy Spirit showed me that I can't shock God with my actions..and He isnt looking for ways to keep His children out of heaven, but bridged the gap to get us in! When we repent, He forgives through the blood of Jesus.

God is so good.

My spirit rejoices for you, sis. You are doing an awesome job allowing the Lord to heal you. Keep goin' He loves you so very very much.

In Jesus,
love momo

[alicat1984]

Day 4: I know it says not to skip a day, but I didn't have access to a computer yesterday. Yesterday was a fantastic day though. I spent the entire day with my fiance and we cooked lunch and dinner together, watched some football and a movie. We had some good discussions too. He told me that he wants to be there for me no matter what and I poured my heart out to him. He just held me in his arms and we had a wonderful bonding moment.

Well, the lesson today really hit home for me. I have a really hard time forgiving myself and others. I am one that falls in that category of forgiving, but not forgetting. I especially do this with myself. The part where it talks about picturing ourself as a parent with a child that can't get over what they have done and then saying that is what we do to God really got to me. I guess I never looked at it that way, but it is so true. How can we expect God to forgive and forget if we can't. It seems like I am always bringing up past sins and beating myself up for them. This step has really opened my eyes to what I have to do. I have so many little weeds and as I type this, I am pulling them as hard as I can, and to be honest, it is a lot easier than I thought it would be. I have held on to so many things, it is like I am a hoarder of sins. Well, it is time for spring cleaning of my mind. Time to get rid of these sins I hold on too and let God plant new seeds of positivity and confidence and love for myself.

[momof3]

I had to smile at your statement "hoarder of sin"....ewwww...that describes us...well, me so well

thing is, if God says He has forgiven us...and we have asked Him for forgiveness...we have to TRUST His word.Believing in the fact that Christ died for our sins and that His grace is sufficient..and His mercy is complete.....Thank You, Jesus!

He didnt do it half-way on the cross. It was finished. It was and is complete. We beat ourselves up cuz the enemy wants us to believe what Christ did on the cross wasnt enough. God is so good. He is so faithful.

Your posts have and continue to bless me. Keep goin sister. They Holy Spirit is right there with you, hands in the dirt, pullin up weeds. What He is showing you is nothing less than the miracle of His love for you. (even if it steps on our toes and hurts a bit to pull em out)

In Jesus,
love momo

[alicat1984]

Day 5: Today has been a pretty good day so far. I have to admit though, this stepping stone was tough for me. In the past few days I have been realizing what my problem is, but today that was the main focus. I am selfish!!! There, I admitted it. I have an anger problem and I have been clinically diagnosed with anxiety. They say I worry too much about things I can't control. It is true. I worry so much about all the things that can go wrong that I am missing out on all the things that are going right and wonderful in my life. The worst part is, all these self doubt and negative feelings I am having go back to my past. I went into the army after high school and was discharged medically because I messed my shoulder up. I felt like a failure and that is when all this started. By the way that was in 2002. Man I have a lot of years of built up self doubt, self hatred, self pity and anger that I have kept bottled up inside. Sure I blow up every so often, mainly at the people I love, but the underlying issue is still there. Taking my anger out on them doesn't take it away, it only makes it worse because then I get mad at myself for doing that. When I was discharged from the army, I got so depressed and I hated life. I didn't want to live any more and I actually tried to kill myself. I started working a new job and I worked with some people that really helped me find what I was missing in my life, a relationship with God. A few years later I started singing in a Christian rock band and I guess I thought I had it all together then. I auditioned for an acting/singing program called AMTC (Actors, Models, Talent for Christ) and I made it in. I went to the workshops and I loved it. I couldn't afford the program and I knew that. I guess I thought that if I pushed the the problems I never really dealt with as far down as I could, they would eventually go away. I met my fiance while doing the acting program and realized that I want a normal life with a husband and a family. I chose to quit the program. My fiance actually got mad at me, he wanted me to follow my dreams. I told him I am. Here recently the feelings that I have never dealt with have surfaced and I have tried so hard to hide them from everyone because I have everything going so great for me and I was ashamed. I am the happiest I have ever been and the past few months it seems all I can do is think of what can go wrong. I am here because I need help dealing with the root of my problems that I have never really wanted to talk to anyone about. This program is helping me so much. I can't explain how good it feels to be dealing with my problems and seeing that I can get rid of them. God, give me the strength to keep pulling weeds and allow you to plant good seeds in my mind.

[momof3]

Sister in Him

We are selfish. We are born that way and the selfishness grows and grows and grows. We think...what about me? Its true that God hasnt called us to be abused..but even in good relationships, we can destroy them by thinking or feeling that we deserve...or the other isnt reaching our expectations..or whatever. Love is the opposite of selfishness. It asks for nothing in return. It believes and hopes for the best. That selfishness even applies to unforgiveness. Forgiving doesnt mean that what was done..either by us or by someone else to us, was right. It means that we will not continue to keep the noose around someone else's neck..or around our own. It allows you to walk in the freedom of losing the burdens of hatred, anger, or whatever else we are carrying. God knows each thing that is done. It's His to judge. It doesnt mean to stay in an abusive relationship..it doesnt mean to be a door mat either. It means we forgive because we are fogiven. Carrying around these things destroy that which God cherishes from within. This is why the Lord says we are victorious through Jesus' sacrifice.

You are not defined by the Army. My son is in this spot right now. He is serving overseas and was also injured. He is bummed right now because he is facing the medical review board, and may also be medically discharged. He believes he is defined by the Army..and being a soldier. While I am proud of him for wanting to be a part of something bigger than himself, and wanting to serve our country, he has to see that he is defined by God in him...and find out what plan the Lord has for him....what His will is.

The Lord is showing you so much. Its such a blessing to see. May He continue to bless you and give you wisdom..and healing.

In Jesus,
love momo

p.s. Did ya get the book yet???

[alicat1984]

Thanks for all your words of wisdom and encouragement! It means the world to me to have someone help me through this. I am actually on my way to get the book after work today. Thank you so much for giving me the idea to do this book. God bless you momo!!!