Christianity Oasis Forum

[Gare]

Dear God,

I praise you Lord for this website called Chistianity Oasis cause it sure has been a blessing and an encouragement to me at this time in my life. The studies Lord have really helped me in finding the truth and I thank and praise you for that in wanting me to know the truth and know you through this. God you are so good and I love you and I know my actions don't show it sometimes, I fall short but you pick me up and I never had a friend like you Lord, never and I appreciate you for your footprints in the sands of my heart here. I thank you for giving me that song and letting me sing it last night at the nursing home and letting me share my testimony with all those there. I know that was what you wanted me to do and I love ya Lord, as weak and small as I am, I love ya for that. YOU are awesome.

Lord, I ask you to help me in my walk here and help me to follow what you want. Let me be the man you want me to be, to listen to you. I am burdened and have been burdened since the event that happened with my friend and God only you can fix this situation. I know my friend is making mistakes and I feel like he is painting a picture of you that you don't want painted and in my heart I am afraid for him cause I really feel that he doesn't know what he is doing. Protect him Lord and help me to love him as you do and to not hold anything against him. Help me to be as nice as I can to him and his family and Lord I know I can't ask forgiveness for another but Lord I pray that you forgive him for where he has gone wrong here. My biggest concern here is that he says he is a minister Lord and yet I see no fruits from this ministry and I wanna tell him, I have tried to write emails to him and every one I write I wind up deleting and forgetting it but my heart aches for this guy a lot Lord and you have put this guy in my life for a reason.

I don't think he has seen it but I have, it is like when he found out he had cancer and you brought someone to tell me before he told me he had cancer and then when his dad was in the car wreck and you had someone that knew it happen tell me before he told me and then when he went to treatment for his cancer and came by the nursing home all sick and dizzy and then left as I was pulling in, in my car and he about hit me. I followed him home to make sure he was ok and tried to, didn't really get there but did get his dad on the phone to know he was alright. Lord you have placed and I feel it is from you a pull to this guy in my heart and I wonder why, I truly do cause now he wants nothing to do with me but you have proven to me that maybe he needs me to help him see you like he is suppose to.

Lord what I want in this if for my friend to seek me out and want to talk to me and let me talk to him about how I feel, I truly would like to know Lord that you have prepared his heart to listen to me if this should happen. That you would prepare me to say what I feel I know from you in this. It is so complex-ed Lord, it truly is but it bothers me to see a man share what he thinks is the bible and truth about you and yet I know it isn't from what you have taught me and Lord I want to help him see, I wanna bring him in to you Lord.

Lord you never gave up on me and I don't wanna give up on my friend. Is this why I have a yearning in my heart for him cause I know Lord he is wrong in the picture he is painting of you and Lord I pray that you use me if I am the one that you need to do this, I think I might be the only one here who can cause I know so much about him. I don't know Lord, I know this Lord if this is not what you want then I pray that you help me to move past this and do what it is that you want me to do in your will.

Thank you Lord for hearing my prayer here as I am typing it out in this format. Thank you Father for the miracles you have done. I ask Lord that you continue to heal my wife of this cancer in her eye and I thank you and praise you for what you have already done and Lord I thank you for giving mom a sweetness in her spirit once again and for making her happy, it was so good to see her smile again and to not have fun with her buddies. Thank you Lord for moving in wife's family and the promise that has been made to sign the document that we need in order to get out of the burden of bills that weigh heavy on us from the treatments that we have for my wife's cancer. I pray Lord that it become easy and I know this is putting a time table on something but Lord I am asking that this be done this month, September 2011 so that she and I can put this burden behind us and move forward in celebration of who you are.

I love you Lord and I thank you for hearing my prayer and I thank you for answering my prayer. You are the most high God of all gods and I love you and I thank you for loving me as you do. Nobody knows me like you do Lord and I am yours and so glad that I am.

In your precious name, Jesus, I pray

Amen & Amen
\o/

.......your child, Gare

[Gare]

Well I am in celebration of the miracles and answered prayers in my life this weekend. Yesterday was a very long day that started off with some uncertainty in mine and my wife's life but God truly pulled through and we are so thankful and grateful to HIM.

My wife and I left for work yesterday morning, she before me and when I pulled out the drive I heard a strange sound from my car like I had ran over something. Upon getting out I had a flat tire and since my wife has just left a few minutes before me I called her on her cell from my cell and she too was having car trouble. She was stopped on the highway and I couldn't go get her cause my tire was flat. I didn't know what to do.

Well she called her sister who came to where she was on the highway, her car has stopped near a service station on the highway and the mechanic was a guy that went to the church she use to attend years ago. He looked and her car and said he'd try to find out what was wrong. Well my wife and her sister took her on to work.

Meanwhile me with a flat tire had to change it and then pop the tire in the trunk of my car. I dropped the tire off at the shop where we get our cars serviced and drove to work on the small spare tire with the understanding I'd be back in the day to get a new tire or have that one fixed.

Well Helen and I both were distressed about this cause we really couldn't afford this with the amount of bills we have, money this week and every week is so tight for us and we knew we were gonna have to not pay something this week in order to get both cars fixed.

While at work Helen calls me on my cell and says...Guess what? I hate guessing and said I don't know, she said I got some good news and I said what it is, she told me she got a bonus from her job that she didn't know she was getting. An unexpected surprize and a miracle from on the day we needed. It was more than her regular paycheck.

Then later she calls and says all of her families have signed the document except one and he is gonna go Monday to sign and so again we have some good news and answer to prayer here over the land we are selling to get us out of dept from her cancer treatments. God is good, ain't He.

Then when I go to get my tire put on my car the guy at the counter says Gary, you've had a bad day and the bill is on us, see I told him about the wife's car and he in return didn't charge me for fixing my tire. Then I go to get my wife to take her to get her car which the guy said was running ok now after he fixed it.

Well when we get there, the guy said that her sister's husband came by who knew her car has stopped on the highway, well he came by the shop and paid the bill. God is good isn't he.

Then when I get home I have a message on my answering machine from a local store who was gonna order an item I wanted but wasn't sure they could get it. Well I ordered it in faith kind of claiming that God would give us the money like I had prayed for he would do by the end of the month. It was an item I didn't really need and wasn't really expecting to get but something I wanted to have well the store had the item in their store with my name on it and God had given us the money for me to get it cause he knew it would make me happy to have this item.

I mean yesterday starting off as bad as it did with the car trouble well Helen and I saw God's mighty hand at work, we were so overwhelmed at days end by all that had happened and done by our God.

God truly is an awesome God and I am so thankful for what he did in our lives yesterday and yet I feel so unworthy but God loves us like no other, he truly does. God is good, ain't he.

[Gare]

I am under attack this evening both spiritually and physically but my heart is at ease for I know I have nothing to fear here for my LORD will be here protecting me through this and I know but I know that HE is the true God and a just God and a loving God.

As you guys can read bout my post and the situation with the friend I had at the nursing home and he laying on of hands on my mom well I have a burden for him but now through seeing the real truth and ultimate answer in my heart I have done what I was suppose to do and now the time has come to let go and let God. To move forward.

This guy's last email to me had to have a response to it, not cause I wanted to respond but because God wanted me to do so and yes I have compassion for this guy but I see he is so confusing and so firm in his way is the only way and yet he has no one but his mom who supports him in how he thinks if she really does support him.

He hurt me and he has attacked me and yet I can't see that anything I have done has been so wrong. I shared the word with him and he came back saying that it is inexcusable to attack one with Scripture, telling me that I am wasting God's time and that God will tire of me and throw me into a reprobate mind and I responded as I felt led to respond to him with compassion and sharing the word course now I have deleted everything with his name on it on my pc, God said wash my hands and so I have.

My email to him which was sent by accident twice of which he says now in email that I have hacked his account cause he had me blocked and yet my emails got through and I know in my heart that what I did wasn't a mistake it was what I was suppose to do. God put this guy on my heart to help him and this was the only way to help him and what I shared was nothing more but Scripture to him and now he is accusing me of stalking him and having an obsession with his family and threaten to take me to the authorities if I ever spoke to him or his mom again. These aren't the words of a Christian and a fellow member of the body of Christ, no fruits do I see in him that shows he truly is a follower of Jesus, he doesn't live it or walk it and now that I have done what God wanted me to do it is time to move on and let God take it from here.

I pray for my friend that he have the peace and protection in him that only God can give and that he truly see the true God as only the true God can reveal himself to him. I pray Lord that you bind the enemy around him and I pray Lord you give him a peaceful heart and to convict his heart to turn to you.

I pray Lord that all of Satan's ploys here and his tactics been demolished and have no bearing in this friendship with me and this guy. I pray Lord that you help me to be the witness to my friend that you want me to be for I give this to you Lord in Jesus name.

[momof3]

your posts have blessed me. Keep praying for this man. May the Lord's will be done in this. You bless him by praying for him.

Keep renewing your mind, my friend. Let the Spirit of the Lord refresh and renew you daily. Keep giving him to Him.

my prayers are rising for you and for him...and for yours.

in Jesus,
luv momo

[Gare]

I just got up this morning after feeling so exalted yesterday cause the night before I was so attacked and was praying along with other online friends that the attack on me be removed and that God protect me and he did.

The prayer group on Facebook has truly been a blessing to me and God has put who HE wants in the group. One person was speaking to me as if she knew the very details of what was going on and yet she personally knew nothing but the Holy Spirit was giving her the words to share to me and the actions for me to take in handling this problem.

I thank you for your response and yes I will continue to pray for him and his family. God is moving my heart to love him as I should. I just did the study on Forgiveness, just read through that and I wonder if in that email which I do not have now cause I have deleted everything with his name on it on my pc. God said wash my hands and I did. It's time to let go and let God but God is moving to truly forgive and I hope I wasn't judging him.

Basically what I wrote to him I did out of what the study on forgiveness says to do, I tried to call him out privately and tell him where I felt he was wrong in what he was sharing with me and how he was placing guilt on me and judging me and condemning me as he did in the last phone call we had.

But I see that maybe I have been judging him to others by telling folks that he is not sharing the Word of God in a truthful way and others say the same of him to me that know him. They have known that what he says in the Bible isn't and I wonder have I been judging him when I went and told the nursing home about him going in mom's room and laying hands on her.

In his email response to me he now says he didn't lay hands on her, that he only held her hand but his mom said and his aunt said he told them that he laid hands on mom and he told me such in the last phone conversation with me. He says a nurse was in the room with him but no nurse remembers being in the room when he says he was in there unless it could have been a CNA who by the turn over in the nursing home, there's no telling who was in there when he did what he did. I know he said he layed hands on her when he told me he prayed for her.

This guy God has let me learn so much of and truly now I wish I didn't know anything and I wonder why I have this burden on my heart. Could the compassion I have be the compassion Jesus has and in the study I just did on forgiveness where he said to not let the least of these fall for I do see where this guy is so wrong in how he lives, it isn't biblical nor Christlike at all.

When he called me that Friday night, he said something that truly hurt me when he said that I had stopped going to see my mom and that was the reason she was sick. It was cause I have let her down and that if i stopped seeing her the enemy would get her and take her over. This truly hurt me for him to meddle in my business for one, for I have never said anything to him and his mom. This was truly the one thing that stuck out here that hurt me. That it was my fault that mom was not well and it was he that said it and this truly wasn't none of his business here but yet I truly felt he wanted me to feel guilty but as I look back at it and the times I wasn't going to see her was cause when I went, it made her worse, she got more angry when I would be there and the nurses suggested I not come as much and finally we were able to get her some medication which I know is God given that has help calm her down with no side effects.

I mentioned this to his mom that someone, I didn't tell her it was her son, had hurt me over telling me I was the reason mom was sick as she was cause I stopped seeing her. Later his mom asked me if the person who hurt me was her son and I told her yes, it was and I know she told him and he has never once came to me and asked me to forgive him and I guess with what I told him that it is finished well I guess he thinks he can't but he can if he would just try but it's ok, in my heart now I am forgiving him and it doesn't matter if he comes to me or not about this for I have seen in his spirit and his arrogance about who he is that it isn't in his nature to do this.

I guess I just hit the nail on the head cause this was the root of where the hurt in this began by this statement he made to me about mom but it was also when he attacked me saying God wanted me to throw away a testimony I had written years ago about an experience I had when I accepted the baptism of the Holy Spirit and yet he said you are defining your life by that, throw it away, it's serves no purpose but yet I know God wanted me to write it out as to what happened to me and to keep it for a later time. It's my witness and I know what happened to me years ago was because I was grew up in a church who didn't truly believe this and I had no what you say training or encouragement or edification in the gifts of Spirit.

See he attacked two things that were very important to me, my witness and my mom and that was the stem of the hurt here and then he went on to tell me he prayed for mom, laid hands on her and when he told me he did this which was two weeks ago he said then in the next sentence he says I haven't smoked a joint in two weeks which made me think were you high when you laid hands on mom. I don't know but it did place uncertainty in my heart and cause me to search the word for the answers.

Truly this entire experience has been one that has brought me to where I am in seeking HIS word cause had this not happened I wouldn't be here on this site sharing my heart as I am. So I can say thanks to him, my friend who hurt so bad for bringing to a closer walk with Jesus even if in his last email response from the email I sent him now that he said the talk about the Bible and God he isn't buying it, he said I am evil as in true evil of every word there is, that have demons and evil spirits around me for what I wrote to him in that email and that I was deranged and needed to be in an institution.
That I had sick obsession for he and his family which I can't see where he has gotten that from cause I don't hang out with his family or his mom, I am very stand offish with his mom cause his mom told me she had a huge crush on me and thinks I am sexy when I sing for the residents every month and she says that she is in love with me and wishes I could love her the way she loves me so I try not to talk to her even she is an old lady, I have told her that I think of her as a mom figure and nothing more cause i could tell when she told me this that she truly was serious and I didn't know how to handle it and I learn from her son that she does this kind of thing all the time and he even said she almost had an affair with another resident in the nursing home who is dead now but looked a lot like me so her draw to me from her attraction to him and he said that his daddy got hurt in that that she did a while about with this other resident so yeah I don't try to get too friendly with her.

So saying I have an unhealthy relationship with his family could be that he thinks I have obsession to talk to him and yeah I have called him alot in the past which is so weird cause he never answers his phone, he screens every call he gets and then returns calls later, he said that he has to pray over the call to see who God wants him to talk to which to me is rather weird. He always calls it a devine appointment but yet the conversations have turned to a very sinful nature. See one of the first things he said to me was that sin was sin and it was between you and God and that he didn't judge and it made it appear that it was ok to continue in a sinful life as long as you included Jesus in your life you would be ok and he shared with me that there was a lot of sin in his life, a lot of it but yet he has that close walk with Jesus and never told me he ever ask for forgiveness of sin, he says God answers prayers always in the way I ask and my sin he doesn't hold against me nor will hold yours against you, if you wait to clean yourself up before you go to God, you will never go to HIM and all he wants is a relationship with you and yet he made it seem sin was ok and not to worry about it but to just have that relationship with Jesus but I know from what my Bible says that sin blocks us from the Holy Spirit moving in our lives and this spirit here about this is not the spirit of God, it can't be, it goes against the entire reason Jesus died on the cross to take our sins away becoming the sacrificial lamb for the sins of us all so that we are saved and forgiven by our creator, GOD ALMIGHTY.

So yeah I will continue to pray for him and if I have hurt him i pray he forgive me for I see now I can't approach him again, his heart isn't open to such but I ask God to help me to forgive him and to move forward, to relinquish the pain I have felt from this attack. Last night God spoke to me as I was working in the back office alone and said Gare, this attack wasn't on you although you feel it so brutally in your heart but it was on me, you did nothing wrong, you did what I wanted and the enemy is upset that you've done stuff for me and wants to defeat you but don't be defeated, move forward for you have done good and the fruits of such will be seen and are being seen.

I feel that what I have gone through here is God sees this guy with love and God wants him to know God's true love and he doesn't want him to fall. I do not know but maybe a spirit of such is upon him leading him to see God's word in a different light and misinterpreting it to him and yet he calls himself a minister but he has not minister, I and many others are confused by this cause he has no church, he doesn't believe in going to church and I had someone tell me that he was ordained as a minister and the church that ordained him sent him to college but he dropped out and pocketed the money they implied. So this minister has no fruits to show he has a ministry. His is a minister only in his words and why is it that God put him in my life, am I the one to help him see the truth.

The words to scripture just popped in my head, to he that is given much, much is expected and God has given me much and this is truly a high calling and one to be respected and God expects much of me and I refer this to my friend here, if God has called him to minister as he says he does then why don't I or anyone else see a minister doing such but we don't, this is nothing more than the spirit of confusion running around her to all that meets this guy. There aren't any fruits that come to mind here that I have seen from his ministry.

A verse I read in the forgiveness study hit me kind of hard here, where it said that what you judge will be measured back to you and I hope that has not happened but I think it has for I have told folks what my friend did in my mom's room about him laying hands on her cause other residents and families members need or I felt that they need to know what he did so that he won't be able to do this to their family member, I truly feel that my friend does not know what he is doing in regard to what the Word of God says about and the qualifications of an individual who does such, it plays with laying on of hands as a toy so to speak, just walks up to folks and lays his hand on em and says a prayer. This makes this act seem out of the seriousness as it is or should be taken.

So yes I have been judging but I pray here that that be removed from me and that I can move on and that judgement be turned into pure love for my brother here, my friend here. I have been hurt and hurt pretty bad here but I pray that God heal the hurt for he knows the emotionally and sensitive kind of guy I am. I pray for my friend and I bind this spirit of disception that I see he has upon him, this spirit of arrogance that he has upon himself, I bind all evil that I see prevailing out of his spirit since I have met him.

I have to thank God here for what he has done in me, he is leading me to be the man he wants me to be and I praise him for that. He is making me strong in him and this that has happened here is truly why I was suppose to meet this guy and why he is a chapter in my book of the life that God is writing. He is one of those times that I was carried through where there was one set of footprints and God was carrying me through this time.

God is good and I will continue to pray for my friend and I will always in my heart call him that for I, even though I said it is finished and it just came to my mind that I called him and left a message on his machine saying I were sorry for saying that and so I did ask forgiveness for trying to destroy the friendship and then he moved further with the hateful email not accepting my apology but telling me to pretend he doesn't and his family doesn't exist which is torment to me since he and his family are very big presence at the nursing home especially on the weekends, this was the email I responded to with the untruths about God, saying God's time is wasted and using scripture as a weapon is an inconsequentially inexcusable and that God would tire of me and throw me into a reprobate mind. This was the email I responded to that was an email of unaccepted forgiveness as I see it. So I pray that if my friend is truly hurt then he truly learn to forgive me but I let my God handle that.

So I pray for him and ask any of you that may read this that I have written here from my heart to pray for him and me too.

God is good all the time, ain't he.

[Gare]

I pray for my friend a lot and it just came to me that verse that was on my heart this morning from doing the Bible study on forgiveness the verse about the matter in which you judge you will also be judged and truly here I know I have judged him somewhat but this began with he judging me and what I see happening is he is being judged in the way he judged me for it started with his attacks on me and the way I take care of mom and the attacks on the mini book I wrote about my testimony. He has said somethings to me attacking me but he as I see it is becoming the things he says I am and if this is so then I pray that God have mercy on him, that God touch his heart in a way that it has never been touched before, that God pour his love on him and let him feel God's love surround him. I pray that God show him I am not a stalker and that he sees that my email getting through to his email after he blocked me was nothing more than a pc glitch and not something where someone can hack an account and invade someone's privacy as he claims and that it is a federal offense he says and that he could have me locked up and he is gonna tell my family, my coworkers that I am stalking him with this and that he has saved the emails I have sent and he has sent as proof that I am a stalker but the truth is, if I was blocked and the blocked didn't work, was it because God wanted him to read what I said and I know I accidently sent it out twice by mistake but he is upset, could it be that God wanted him to read what I wrote from God's word about his actions to me, judging me, condemning me with no basis, that it became evident with him and I wasn't judging him but speaking the truth using God's word for my basis in the response, it was attacking but it appears that he feels attacked from reading it but I know I was suppose to do it and all I wrote to him was using Scripture as what I knew to him and the confusion that he was telling me. He deserved to be told that and I wasn't attacking him but using Scripture as my basis and I felt God leading me to do such and I stand firm in that, I pray that the verse I read about judging isn't happening to him but I see it is and I do have compassion and pray for God's mercy on him if this is the case. I am praying that all spirits in HIM that aren't of God be bound here on earth and that the spirit of truth be revealed to him as only God knows how to reveal it to him. I pray that the veil be removed and that HIS eyes truly be opened to God and the truth become light for him. Lord I have compassion on this man and I pray that you have compassion on him, I know I can't ask forgiveness for another but I am asking that you forgive him where he has gone wrong here. I pray with all my heart here for my friend.

[momof3]

heya Gare

I just had this whole thing typed out...and clicked the wrong button and poof!!!! it was gone!

so, here goes again

I just read through most of your posts. The very first post you made...the first day of your walk here in the CCCC i was at the hospital where they had wifi...so i was able to post to you...I just got the internet turned back on here at the house, so now Im playing catch up...and...i gotta say...


WOW!!! I just read your post about the day your tire was flat, and your wife's car broken down....and all that stuff you started your day off with!!!!!!!!


God is sooo good! I would have loved to see the look on God's face when he saw yours...when the car bill was paid, when the telephone call came in about the bonus your wife got that day...the tire.....who knows how God will speak to a heart of someone to totally bless someone else!!! I was so touched and overjoyed in reading that! We so often see things that happen as bad...when really, maybe God is wanting to use that situation to show His love...or His mercy...or His Grace...or His true nature....or however He wants to use a seemingly bad situation to make it a Holy, blessing-filled occasion!

I dont know if that makes sense to you...i know what im trying to say, i just dont know if its comin out right

Now, the only other thing i wanna say is this.....you have got to let go and let God...with this friend of yours. I hear in your words, hurt...and maybe a sense that you have to make it right, or that this friend has to make it right. My brother in Him, You have done what you felt the Lord was wanting you to do..you have said what you felt the Lord was wanting you to say...now, let go..and let God. You are much to weighed down with this, and it isnt your burden to carry. God knows where he is and how to reach him...leave this now, at the feet of Jesus. (By the way, reprobate minds dont pray to God, they dont care, and they dont come to Christian web sites looking for truth ) Let go..and let God.

I listened to the cover you did on youtube...what an awesome, awesome song....listening through the Spirit....so beautiful!!

See you through His eyes.....I wish we could all do that.

God bless you my brother...and know, you are STILL in the right place. Dont give up on the CCCC as youve been tempted to do. Dont let the enemy tell you that you have too much to do or that its not making any difference in your life. God led you here..and He STILL doesnt make mistakes...or say...oooopsss...I led you in the wrong direction. Read back over from the beginning. He has so much more to show you. You bless people, ya know? With the the truths you post, the honesty with which you share, there are people who read it...and need to know the hope you have found...and He isnt finished yet.


God bless you, brother.
youre still in the right place.

in Jesus,
luv momo

[Gare]

Thank you momo for your words of encouragement here and thank you Lord for bring her to me on this site to share these words with me. I deserve nothing but I give this all to HIM who loves me more than words can say, His love amazes me and the peace and joy he brings to know and fully know that I am safe in HIM.

When arrows are thrown at me, when I get a stabbed or hurt, God knows how to heal that hurt and carry me through it. I've said this time and time again. He knows me better than I know me and he knows what I need to heal and my whole being here in spite of weaknesses and my sin is to please HIM who loved me so much to send his own son to die for me so that I can live in HIM.

momo, your words were very uplifting to me, even brought a tear in this old man eyes as I read what God led you to say to me and yes you are so right, I ain't here by accident and no I can't leave this site, not now. God is using this site for my heart in so many ways.

Love ya momo, thank you and thank God for what He did here with the response you gave to me.

[momof3]

love ya too, my brother in Jesus. He is so good..and always on time. You may look around at times and wonder if He's there, or if He hears, but our emotions dictate that. And our emotions tell our spirits how to resonde and react..but what we see and what we feel are seldom correct...it is His truth..His words..that are true. What He has begun in you, He is faithful to finish. That's His promise to you...I love Him so very much. Yeah, it blows me away to think that our God, our Creator...the Lord of the Heavens and earth, would die so Id live...and if it were just you alone He had to die for, He would.

luv ya brother.

in Jesus,
luv momo

[momof3]

pssstttt.....Gare..

gotta a song for ya

[Gare]

Well, here I am again on this website. God keeps pulling me here and I guess this site is somewhat a blog for me since I have never really done such anywhere as far as pouring out my heart as I have been.

momo, I know you said some things here that I needed to hear, some words of encouragement and things that I need to do and sometimes it is so easy to say let go and let God but when it comes right down to it, we sometimes have obstacles or maybe the enemy in the hindering the letting go process. I am telling myself I am letting go but the hurt and pain from being attacked as I was is still there and brings to mind back in 1995 when I had a very spiritual experienced and very public experience when I first accepted the baptism of the Holy Spirit and how hurt I got in the process. God healed the hurt in that but it took years to get over it and to some degree the hurt is still here in my heart although I have many blessings from HIM in my life over what happened.

In my church, a church that did not believe in the gifts of the Holy Spirit at all I got up and in a way publicly revealed cause I felt led by God to do such the Holy Spirit moving in my life and I did in front of my entire church, many of em were relatives and the shame, hurt and pain was very hard in overcoming. It is very complex to write out here what happened but I publicly moved in something I felt very strong about doing. God told me to do this and I did, the aftermath of this caused a lot of hurt on me and I even was diagnosed as having a nervous breakdown and was put on medication for such but what happened to me then was very real and I know but I know it was in my heart and that has what has brought me to this situation with my friend and I guess why I hurt in this.

You see through this I moved away from God after all this happened but I know now that He never moved away from me. It isn't God who moved but me, He will never leave us and never forsake us, ever. I moved away cause the enemy was filling my head with thoughts and ideas of hopelessness and shame over what happened and to talk about what I went through in the years after this happened. The tears I cried and the pain I felt well God is moving on my heart to write a book about this, that my story needs to be told and I know it, see during this ordeal back in the mid to late 90s I had a desire in the heart of all this going on to write little notes of everything in detail of what was happening to me cause miracle upon miracle and attack upon attack was taking place in my life and no one knows the intimate details of what went on but me. It was mine and Jesus' relationship going on here and he was watching over me. As I look back now I see his footprints in the sand of everything I went through and how HE always pulled through for me and yet I see I didn't deserve such but he loved me so that HE has always protected me.

In mentioning Footprints here I have to say that this is one song that God gave me to sing cause it truly is a big testimony for me and when I heard this song for the first time here online as I did a search for the poem, I in return found the song by Leona Lewis and as I watched and listened to the words, tears started flowing and I was sitting here online with a friend, a friend that God gave me who although he lives a good many miles away from me, he is my best friend and he saw me on webcam sitting here at my pc watching this video and balling my eyes out. God gave me a friend, another human being that I can confide in and share so much with who basically understands me. My friend here online saw me balling and he began balling too and he knew and was watching the video at the same time and it was a moment so to speak that only three can understand. Me, my best friend and God who has moved in my life and my best friends life in keeping us as friends for 8 years now. He and I are very close friends and I never had a best friend or close friend growing up and it's so good to have this friend that I know God gave me.

I guess what I came to this site this morning to write out was to say that God is moving me to write more of what has happened to me. To find the time to share what HE has done to give HIM the glory for my life because HE has been carrying me ever since I walked the aisle in the church I was raised in and accepted him as my Lord and Savior. He started carrying me then through the sands of my life, there were times when he would let me walk beside him and there were times when he'd say come here Gare, you need me to carry you cause this is sinking sand, it's too wet here and I can help you get through it or times when the tide came in and I couldn't see the sand to walk through and he's say hold on tight Gare I am here even if you don't know it.

See the situation with my friend here and the situation with my church years ago are similar in the hurt I have been through and God knows me and even though I hear the words here to let go and let God, I wonder if truly I am to let go of this and just forget it. It was this experience that brought me closer to God, it was this experience that brought me to this website, it truly was. If this guy hadn't attacked me and this was where it began he attacked me from that phone call and then began more and more attacks after such to me and yes I got hurt and am stillng hurting and asking God to help me here to overcome this but I wonder even myself why I am as I am, why am I such a sensitive guy.

I know this, when you do something God wants you do, no matter what it is, when you step out in faith and love for Jesus and do what you feel is the right thing to do to please him well in this world where the enemy is so free to roam and attack well attacks are gonna come to stop you but I say this that my God gives power to us through Jesus who lives in us to overcome the enemy. The enemy can't stand to hear the words of God, His holy words of scripture and his destiny to be destroyed in the end completely, the enemy knows he can try to attack us but the ultimate prize in this is that Jesus is the victor, Jesus wins in the end and he wins now in our hearts. Satan may try and think he can succeed in trying to destroy me but God in his love and his power restores me and turns this sensitive, compassionate guy into a strong man, a man after God's own heart.

So in closing here this morning in this blog from my heart I have to say that God I thank you for what you have done and what you are going to do. I thank you for the wisdom you've gave me and the knowledge you've given me in this and the assurance you've given me. I pray Lord that the truth be revealed here as only your truth can be. I pray Lord that those that hate me in my life will see the true you in me and that their hate will turn into love, I pray Lord that only you and you alone know how to heal what's going on with me and I truly come to you asking to help me let go only if you truly want me to let go of it or if there is something else here that I am suppose to do, give me the knowledge in my heart to do such. I praise you Father and I want the world to know that it truly is all about you, it isn't about me but about Jesus. So Lord, I know you are there, you always are and always have been and I praise you and give you all the glory for everything, everything as vast as everything, that word can be, I give it Lord and I say Father that the prayers I have prayed, the prayers others have prayed for me and my wife here, for finances, for peace, for restoration, for healing Lord, you know these prayers Lord, each one individually. Lord I claim in my heart cause of you Lord, Jesus the great intercessor to the your throne that these prayers be answered according to your will and your purpose, not mine Lord but YOURS. Amen and amen.

[momof3]

My dear brother in Jesus,

My heart goes out to you. Youre right about it being difficult to let go..and let God. Its something I struggle with every day. In my case, ive always been the type to have to be in control..and to try to control things around me. Surrendering isnt easy. The hurt and pain we feel when someone has wronged us..

I think about Jesus...how He was so despised..so persecuted..and how He said that we would be persecuted and hated as well...for His sake. Not everyone understands nor do they accept the power of the Holy Spirit..or the gifts He gives. I remember one time when i was about 15, a friend of mine and I took the bus to a little town up north...just she and I...no parents We were gonna have a blast. I had been raised in a denomination that did not believe in the giftings of the Holy Spirit. She and I went for a long walk around town that night and came across a church...loud music booming out through the open doors. She wanted to go in, so we did. She really got into it...the praising the Lord that was going on..the clapping and lifting of hands to the Lord through the music...the "amen"s we heard at different times throughout the sermon...I was scared out of my mind and thought they were lunatic! After the service was over, I walked as quickly as I could out the door. My friend, well, lets just say she had enjoyed it so much she wanted to let the pastor know. So, I waited in the parking lot while she talked with him. This man walked up to me and asked me what I thought..I didnt want to be rude so I said it was ok. He began telling me about the different gifts the Lord gives..and how He uses them in people for His glory and purposes. I got mad! I said...if youre gonna tell me that I cant get into heaven cuz I dont speak in tongues..youre way off! He smiled and said..thats not what Im saying. Im saying that if you miss out on the gifts the Holy Spirit gives, youre missing out on the very best part..youre still saved, but your missing out on some of His blessings and how He blesses others through the gifts He gives you. I still thought he was nuts, but the seeds were planted. It took many years, but, I no longer put God in a box I'll be a "fool" for Jesus

The reason Im tellin you this is because there are those who dont..and may never understand the gifts of the Spirit. We will be persecuted...people will think we are crazy, they will laugh at us, call us brainwashed sheep, foolish, whatever.....we will be persecuted.

Im praying for you and pray the Lord will lead you through your writing with clarity and that it goes smoothly! His perfect will be done.

God bless you, my new friend in Jesus,
love momo