Pines Pages

[Dora]

Thank you both!

I survived the hour. Now I just have to survive the after math.

I feel empowered and strong and determined at the moment. Shortly after I left I could feel the trembling start and the memories beginning their haunting. But I kept my mind focused and got busy when I got home. I know it's only a matter of time, usually when it's bed time, that I will have to deal with the aftermath of what was talked about.

I go back Wednesday and then group therapy on Thursday. We still haven't even made it through the questionnaire. There's just to much.

Goldie It was shared with me like this....sometimes God will choose to instantly heal a person of cancer, or diabetes, or what ever physical ailment they have. Other time he heals them slowly, some times he uses professionals and medication. Sometimes they are healed when they enter heaven. Either way, He heals them. I will be healed. I may wake tomorrow and find it is all gone, or it may be a very long drawn out process or I may struggle till the day I enter my heavenly home. Either way, healing is coming.

I'd like to know what He has planned but then I realized while driving to the counseling appointment, it's none of my business. I have my nose in Gods business. My job is to take care of today and what is dealt to me. And honestly that is enough!!!

[Mackenaw]

Hello Pine

God bless you this day.

Pine, you have been consistently in my prayers, and will continue to be. May God's blessed will be done.

What you shared in your last paragraph was and is awesome. It truly is a matter of living in the moment, and resting in the knowledge that God will reveal His plan, and as it unfolds, He gives us the grace and the power to overcome. God is Awesome, and He can be trusted.

There are so many things within our lives that we try to understand and figure out, that only lead us away from Him because we wander into worry. There is no peace in worryland. Instead, keep your mind stayed on Him.

I know the temptation(s) and the wiles of the enemy, and he is quite crafty and a professional at hounding. But, remember, the name of Jesus -- calling out to Him, it is what is required. You did well, Piney -- just keep doing so. Cry out to Jesus.

God bless and keep you.
Love,
Mack

[Dora]

Mack!

Since I posted asking for prayer my days have been better. And my nights. Very few bad dreams. The memories are easier to control and the destructive thoughts are as well. I have been out of the house a lot which seems to help and busy with very physical activities which seems to help. My cousin called tonight. Triggered thoughts of home.

I asked the elders to pray for me. When reading a post here this morning I was reminded that I haven't been praying. Just griping at God. So I stopped and let my spirit dwell in His presence. Then I asked what does He want of me and immediately what came to mind was to ask the elders to pray for me. I wanted to just shove that thought out and forget it. But then was reminded that I did ask. I thought about entering the room with this circle of men, being lone there, having their attention which I can't stand, having to tell them what is wrong and receiving. That thought was scarier than the thought of going to the counselor who's a female that I do not know and sharing a few things. God quickly reminded me that He would be with me and that if He wants this from me then I could trust Him.

[Dora]

I have decided to prosecute my uncle. I do not know what I'll have to do. I expect probably little to nothing will be done by the law. I'm hoping if I do others will follow. Or at least it will make others aware of the dangerous man he is.

[goldieluvs]

GBU my sister, will keep you in prayers on this journey

luv ya

[Dora]

I am calling the police this morning to report things that have happened. I don't know if the time is right or what will happen. I don't know if I will need to make a trip to MO to report this. I'm ready to take what ever harsh, cold, or cruel treatment I must with stand to get this made known so that perhaps someone else will stand up. Perhaps even someone has and I just don't know about it. My cousins won't talk to me and they don't even know I am planning this. All they know is I remember what happened. Perhaps this will be a wake up call to my family to stop abuse and stand up for what is right. I know he's buffaloed my sister into believing he's all innocent. But I don't care. What kind of sister is she if she'll believe him over me after he tried to hurt her too.

[Dora]

I haven't heard back from the police. So I'm contacting an advocate. Waiting takes so much time. Why am I feeling so rushed now after 30 years. It makes me so anxious and I try to deal with the anxiety with food. My mind on occasion plays out the best scenario and the worst. I try to stop it when I realize what I'm doing. I told the Lord I'm just worried. He asked why am I worried when He said He would give this to me. What if I heard wrong. What if what I think giving this to me is different than what He means.

[deetu]

oh piney ((hug))
bind those thoughts when they try to come and ask Holy Spirit what to do with them. they will try to come more now because you are following what God is saying you need to do and enemy will try to stop you from doing that. Freedom!!!

I'm glad you got past your fear to have the elders pray for you. In our church we have some women elders Jesus wants to remind you that having people pray for you isn't just a one time thing and you can ask a group of women who you feel comfortable with, who God chooses to pray for you too... as often as you need. Jesus said to lay hands to heal and there is something about it. The praying person gets more from Holy Spirit to pray for the areas that need to be touched without knowing what they are praying about.

I am glad this new woman is like an angel. Is she Christian by chance? Would be wonderful if she is because that box you are giving her,she is just holding it for you so that it's not as heavy but it needs to go to Jesus and He's patiently waiting for it.

Thank you Father for piney
You know her heart and know what she is looking for
and you know the timing she needs to be able to accept it
Father, I ask for more insight, peace and knowledge for her
I ask that she has no doubt when Holy Spirit is guiding
that she knows the difference and holds on to the right voice
And I speak new beginnings into her life now
a life free from the anger, fear and doubts
a life filled with you and your strength
And I break the strand of bondage that is trying to hold on now in Jesus name
Thank you Lord
Thank you Jesus

A book that I am reading says that Lucifer hates the artistic the most because that was what he was made for and he is jealous of what he lost. You sing, play, paint and see clear visions, no wonder he tried so hard to keep you from God's plan and His love. God says He loves what you painted

[dema]

I think you call a prosecutor to report things. And they can tell you statute of limitations and such. And I think the prosecutor has to be in the jurisdiction where stuff happened. Ithink that is how it works. Police catch criminals. But you know who did it. I guess if he is loose, then they could maybe catch him - but since it is old, I think there would have to be a warrant. And that means the prosecutors office again.

Anyway, I'm no expert - but I think this is the way it works.

[Dora]

Thank you deedee you are such an encouragement! Thank you for the prayers. The other day was reading one of your prayers for someone and was feeling so sunken wished you'd pray for me.

Dema. How's your birdies. You might be right. Was hoping the police could direct me to the prosecutor but it seems like they won't be any help at all right now. Waiting for the advocate to call. I'll wait through tomorrow and if no call then I'll begin searching how to contact the prosecutor.

I contacted a cousin (not one who is blood related to this uncle). And I told her I was filing a report against him. She said Good! Someone needs to. What for? I laugh cause she knows this man so well that she knows he needs to be turned in with out even knowing what he's done. I told her my story. She gave me names of 4 other women to contact that she is certain he molested and/or raped. One she is certain of. I am certain there is many many many more. The story she told me was horrible. Things he did right in public to women and children. No one ever did anything. She said there is no one in the town that would be against me turning him in except a few of his children and apparently my one sister.

My oldest sister is still living with him. God help her. Apparently he beat her up a few weeks ago. She stays there still. She can get out. But doesn't. Well now he pretty much owns her and will hunt her down if she leaves. I'm certain he's used the ole threat to kill our mother if she does. If you've never been in that situation it's enough to make you think twice about making a move. Momma's precious and been through so much. There's not one of us girls that wouldn't do anything to protect her.

I feel like everyone is mad at me for doing this.

This morning I was talking to the Lord about all the women I have to try to contact and seeing what he says about contacting each one. Then I felt as if He smiled and said, "See I told you I'd give this to you." I started to cry as I daydreamed about the thought of all of us who've been harmed by him teaming up to get him prosecuted and convicted so he will have to stop. But then there goes my mind again playing out what might happen. And the thought of it not happening makes me so angry. I really just wanted to hit something yesterday. That's me just trying to force it to happen. I must be patient and allow Him to have His will.

[Dora]

Did I say I was waiting for the advocate till tomorrow before I called the prosecuting attorney? I called today.

They sent me the right direction. I made the report over the phone. The officer was very nice. He took the time to research the law for me to make sure there wasn't a statue of limitations. In MO because I fought and was under 18 I have a life time to report it. *Deep breath* He asked if I was certain I was ready for this and explained how terrible I will be treated by the defense attorney. I said I am ready. I have to go to the sheriff department here and file a report and maybe be video taped while I give my very detailed story. Ugh! Shaking like crazy after telling my brief description over the phone to a stranger and I have to go to the sheriff department here and tell it in person and maybe even while being taped.

Still waiting for the advocate to call. I am going to call them back if I don't hear by tomorrow. I have to call the sheriff. I am soooooo not wanting to call them. It was safe talking to the ones in MO. But talking to these ones is not so safe. They can see me. I told my cousin how scary this is and she encouraged me to continue on. Someone has to turn him in.

Contacted another cousin. Or well began trying to. We haven't actually talked. I haven't talked to her since I was a little girl. I have two more to look up and contact. It is actually very healing talking to my cousins about this. It seems like every time I say what happened it has less power over me. And hearing their stories of what they witnessed or experienced him doing solidifies mine. Or at least it does in my mind.

[Dora]

I did it. Report has been filed against him.

I was so scared before hand that I began thinking I couldn't do this. Then I realized this is my time to be stronger than him!! I walked in by myself, tall and strong determined to do this.

I had the report written out in detail in some what a chronological order. Was so mentally exhausting and my emotions were all over the place. I'm glad I wrote it and didn't have to say what happened cause I don't think I could of told him what happened after all the time spent trying to put it together. Mentally fried.

He seems to think it's going to be a very hard case to prove. I'm certain he is correct. I expected this.

He suggested if I see my uncle to call 911 immediately. I don't expect he'll come this far. I think he'll find a cave to slither into for a while if anything.

Now if I could just stop shaking.