Christianity Oasis Forum

[sovern1982]

getting more into the solution...im liking this. always heard that god forgives those that forgive themselves. what they always leave out and what i got from reading step four is that god forgives those that forgive others.man thats simple.all i have to do is forgive the people that i believe have wronged me and all the anger,resentment,fear,jealousy all those bad things that make me feel and do bad things will go away.i never really attributed my problems to not being able to forgive others.i hung on to all my "defects" like they were gold, because they are my defense mechanism.they allow me to keep people at a safe distance so no one can hurt me,but it also keeps me from developing meaningful relationships with anyone not just those that would hurt me.basically, holding on to the things that have hurt me keeps me from gods love.its not what he wants for me.god never intended for me to be a violent anti social person.he wants for me to be a kind loving patient person, all of which i am not, but desire greatly

and on a side note i broke one of the rules stated at the start of this deal and i sent my wife the link to my journal.i also told her i was attending counseling.i then informed her that the pastor of my old church was coming to see me tonite.her response to reading my journal and the actions i have taken was one of skeptacism. she told me i was moving to fast and that everything i was doing for show?? i was proud of myself because i didnt play into it and feed the argument. i simply let her know that the actions i have been taking were not for her,they were for myself because i couldnt stand to live in my own skin anymore.i know that after 10 years of abuse and neglect its going to take time to heal those wounds,if they ever heal but what can i do to show that my intentions arent just intentions and my heart is in this?

[Zemirah]

hi sovern ... that is wonderful you are learning about forgiveness and the need to forgive others as well ... it is something that will be really freeing for you in many ways as well as an extra benefit You are so right .... we think (because we are believing the lies) that holding people at a distance protects; it doesn't though, it only hurts.

I understand your excitement about what you are learning and your desire to let your wife know what is going on; do you see though how now you have this added question of - how do you show your intentions and that they are good. I know this is going to be a hard one to do; but ..... can you set aside that question? you are rediscovering, growing and developing a relationship with God and your whole world is changing, and will keep changing as you continue on this path .... you don't need to prove your intentions or quell her skepticism, just keep focusing on God and allow Him to work through you. Maybe you could also ask that she not read your journals on here so that you have space to focus on God; without the need to be worried about what your wife will think as she reads. Let this be a time of healing and growth for you for this moment

Bless you

[sovern1982]

yea i guess ur right...there really is no way to prove someones intentions...the proof is in the pudding as they say...ive just decided to let go and let god take over. i cant control the way she feels or what she thinks. it just confused me because this is what she has wanted from me for years and now that im taking the actions she doubts me...was a little frustrating but didnt phase me...just thought i should add here that pastor came over last night...we read scripture and talked about the meaning and before he left i asked god to forgive me of my sins against him and to mold me in his image.i know that its going to be a long tough road and things will most likely get alot worse before they start to get better but im in this for the finish...im tired of living life like i have been

[Dora]

she told me i was moving to fast and that everything i was doing for show?? i was proud of myself because i didnt play into it and feed the argument. i simply let her know that the actions i have been taking were not for her,they were for myself because i couldnt stand to live in my own skin anymore.i know that after 10 years of abuse and neglect its going to take time to heal those wounds,if they ever heal

Oh man! That's beautiful! I may have crumbled under that but you kept strong and didn't let it steal your passion for this program and for God. Wow!!!!!! Way to Go!

but what can i do to show that my intentions arent just intentions and my heart is in this?

Time and prayer.

She may never see. But God does and He is the ultimate in relationships cause in the end what we bring before Him is what is going to matter. Stick tight to the Lord and He will see you through.

God bless and keep you! You did well today! You get a great big super shiny star for your progress!

[sbennett]

I am so excited that you are progressing in your journey and growing closer to God. I know that you see and feel so many changes in your life and you want to share. I can understand that you questions your intentions for sharing. He is my thought. If you are growing closer to God and you are changing....it will show. You wont have to share the journal or tell people about the change in your life ...they will see it in your actions and attitude. I have always told my husband that its not what he says to me or tells me...its what he does for me and to me that matter. If you show love and caring in your actions and in your attitude your wife will see it, your kids will see it and others will see it. Then you will glorify God as they believe HE has done a great work in you.

Praying for you .