Christianity Oasis Forum

[sovern1982]

this is my first journal entry...guess i have come here out of desperation...im 29 years old and im the father of 4 children.ive been married twice and divorced once. currently my wife and i are seperated. to say the last year has been bad would be an understatement.but enough about that.im going to talk about me for a minute.i grew up all over the united states in and out of family members homes and foster care.my parents were unstable....and thats being nice about it. ive never really had any close friends that i trusted to talk about my problems with. ive tried counseling. ive tried 12 step programs...ive even tried church but found no one who could understand me.i went to live with my dads parents when i was 16 and thats when i came to know christ.i really enjoyed sunday school and youth groups...and as time progressed i got more involved in the churh(which is methodist btw)but around the end of my junior year i began to make poor choices in friends...the popular kids...this is where my life really started to go downhill...it started out with alcohol and girls....and progressed into a full blown drug addiction. by the end of my first semester of my senior year my grandparents had kicked me out and i had walked away from all my friends, the church and god...and to this day my life has been a wreck.the last 12 years have been a living hell for the most part.ive committed about every heinous act u can think of,trampled on the people that loved me most and neglected my children.i have had short periods of calm in my life but nothing ever lasts as i return to making selfish stupid decisions.i honestly cant remember the last time that i prayed.i dont even know where to start as i really feel that i do not deserve to be forgiven.my life is a waking nitemare...i take actions that are against what i believe and what i know is right...but feel powerless to stop myself.its destroying my life and the lives of those that love me...i guess you could say that im at a jumping off point.ive become a violent, anti social person. people are afraid of me... and my name(i live in a small town)is very bad. i feel like everyone has passed judgement on me for my actions...making it impossible to trust anyone...i spend the majority of my time alone,and the only people who havent completely given up on me are my father and my wife, who is currently living w her mom with our kids. im not allowed at her mothers house as they do not trust the fact that i wont do anything stupid around the kids. basically im about to lose everything in my life that means anything and im here typing this because im willing to try anything to change who i have become.i know that i wasnt always a horrible person,but at the same time i dont know where the hell to start to get back to who i was...

[Bloodstone]

Hi, sovern1982. I believe you have already made a starting point. You started with these steps. You're on your way back. God has never stopped loving you and He has been waiting on you to make this decision. These steps here are great! They helped me to see things in me I never thought I would and helped me see GOD in ways I never dreamed. Just take things slow and one day at a time. God will be with you every step of the way. Keep pushing forward and never look back. There were also times that I would feel like screaming to God, "I can't do this". That's when I found God to be the closest to me. Call on Him when times get tough to move forward, He's there.

God bless you and I'm praying for you.

[Dora]

I'm glad you are here and sharing.

I would ponder to think the issues stem from the turmoil from things happening as you grew up that were never dealt with.

I remember the days of anger and wrath and being a person I did not like but unable to change. When you must choose to fight against what you knew so you can become the person you want to be. What you knew was abuse and neglect. What you want is loving and peaceful home.

It's the same battle your parents fought. But they didn't overcome. You must choose to overcome through self control and prayer. Lots and lots of prayer.

God says you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.
See Philippians 4:13

His word is true.
See John 17:17b

This study will help you. I am certain about that. Study it carefully and pray as you work through it. If you have any questions let us know. We will try to help you sort it out. Feel free to share how the study speaks to you. I encourage you to make a special note of any memories that it triggers that you want to deny or push aside. Those ones that possibly bring instant anger. Those are the ones that must be dealt with as painful as they are. They can bring some uncontrollable emotions flying to the forefront. So we stuff the memories back where they were. But that never fixes anything.

I am glad you have came seeking Him again. He truly is the answer to all your struggles. He can bring peace. But you have to do some work to get to that perfect peace He offers. You'll get there. Just keep seeking Him. After all, He is seeking you. Cause He loves ya! And so do I.

[sovern1982]

wow im speechless...i really dont know what to say...i never imagined that this would do any good...or that anyone would care...pine u hit several nails directly on the head...and it boggles me how u can know so much about me having only read that short paragraph...either ur an empath or something is working on ur side because in 29 years no one has said anything to me that profound....thank you

[Zemirah]

hi sovern, welcome to Oasis!!!!

you may have done some horrible things .... but I don't believe you are a horrible person; if that was true you wouldn't be here now seeking to change, wanting something different

I really believe two things ......... and both may sound kind of corny; but they are real and what I believe anyway

the first is that in coming here .... you've found family and a place to belong

the second is that where other things you've done may not have worked; if you really invest your time and self into this 14 day program, you will see major changes in your life .......... and your relationship with God will grow stronger to the point where you may not recognise yourself ..... it does involve time though; and does involve putting your self into it ....

the first time I tried doing the study/counseling I got six days of lessons/writings in and realised that I was missing - I was doing the reading and was realising some of the truths but I wasn't fully commited, so I went back and restarted and it's a good thing I did .... there is also the option to repeat the program again or repeat the days reading whenever we need so if you don't get something right away that's more than ok

i think mostly i just want you to know you are accepted and welcome here; and that i look forward to seeing amazing things happen in your life in the next few weeks!