Christianity Oasis Forum

[aking]

Well, to begin with, I've never done anything like this before. Writing down my emotions and thoughts is all new to me. Most of the time I just talk to the Lord like he's standing right beside me about everything. Anyway, to start with, I'll tell you a little about me. I'm 37, been married 3 times, I have 2 boys from my 2nd marriage and they are a huge blessing to me. My first marriage failed because he thought it was ok to mentally and physically abuse me, of course, I got married at 18 so we were both really way to young to understand fully what marriage meant. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't excuse what he did. My second marriage lasted almost 10 years. I went through a lot of mental abuse with that one and my ex-husband wasn't very good at showing emotion. I stayed in that marriage as long as I did for my children; however, hind sight being 20/20, I see that wasn't the answer.
Let me explain a few things, I was raised in good, christian family. My parents made sure we were in church whenever the doors opened, which now I'm glad of. I was saved when I was 12 years old. Since that time I've gone through all kinds of trials, tribulations, ups and downs. I've walked away from God and back to him so many times I should have my own pathway to him named... I've done A LOT of things in my life that weren't christian. I let the world and the devil take over. Then, in the blink of an eye, the Lord brought me what I thought was the perfect man. I had been divorced from my second husband for 5 years. My third husband came into my life in June of 2009. We had EVERYTHING in common. He had 2 boys, I had 2 boys, and we enjoyed the same things but the biggest thing we had in common was the Lord. He was a christian and our values were the same. I was so excited. I fell head over heels in love with him from the get go. We only dated a couple of months before we were married in August of 2009. It seemed my life was finally coming together. He was so good to me. He took care of me and always made me feel so special. Then, on April 21st of this year, while I was at work , he moved out. I had no clue it was happening. I was crushed. We hadn't really been fighting, I mean we had our disagreements but no huge horrible fights. I thought everything was fine. He even kissed me before he left for work that morning and told me he loved me. I've wanted to try marriage counseling but he is against it. He says he loves me but isn't in love with me anymore. I have a really hard time believing that because his actions up to that day said otherwise. I truly believe the Lord brought us together and I'm having a really hard time trying to figure out why this is happening. I turn to Him in prayer constantly and I keep myself in his Word for guidance and answers. Maybe it happened to bring me closer to Him? Maybe it happened because I wasn't the christian wife I should have been? I don't know but one thing I do know is my Lord will never give me anything more than I can handle.
So, I'm here and I'm starting my journal so that I can move on, hopefully. I'm having a really hard time letting my husband go and I don't know if it's for selfish reasons or if it's because the Lord doesn't want me to let him go. I'm so confused. Anyway, I'm going to go for now. Write more later!!

[ciny]

Hi Amber,
Just want to encourage you on your healing journy welcome to Oasis you are not alone we are all here with you and praying for you i walked away from God to glad you found your way back,((hugs)) God is always there with his arms open wide to welcome us back

[stillstanding]

welcome to oasis, amber, sis so pleased you are here.

prayers goin up on behalf of you and your family. God's will be done, in Jesus name.


much love and many blessings on you and yours, sis

[aking]

Thank you guys so much for replying to my post. I'm in dire need of good christian friends and I believe this is the place I can find those. Thank you for the prayers and words of encouragement. Prayer means so much!!

[Dora]

Oh Amber I am so sorry this happened to you.

I do know we can find peace and joy through our comforter and friend the Holy Spirit. This path will help you get even closer to Him.

Stick with the study sis. And feel free to post anything as these forums are free from judgment.

Here for you.

[aking]

Ok so I'm at day 2 of my journal. I've learned A LOT of new things today in my study. I realized some things I did wrong and the first thing I did was email my husband and apologize for that. I know email seems so impersonal but it's really hard for me to talk to him on the phone. I miss him terribly and the sound of his voice doesn't help the situation.
I've questioned so much of my life the last few weeks. I've questioned myself. What did I do that was so wrong? Why did God allow this to happen? I've taken most of the blame on myself. My husband says it's not my fault, that he is "mentally and emotionally" unstable. How can that be an answer to anything? We are all in some way or form "mentally and emotionally unstable". I don't know...I just seems he's really unemotional and unfeeling in all this. Almost like he doesn't care at all and like we never had a life together.

[Piccolo80]

Hi Amber,

I just wanted to let you know that I truly know how you feel. I am going thru the something similar this very moment and it's so hard. I can't say what the future holds all I can say is that it will get better. I know where I was when my pain started nearly 6 weeks vs now and I can say I am better but I still ache. I still cry but I'm better. Keep praying and asking God what HE has planned for you and soon all will be revealed.

Much love

[aking]

Thank you so much for that reply. I truly helps my spirit. I will continue to pray and I know the Lord will take care of everything in his time.

Much Love Back

[aking]

Day 3 and for some reason I can't get my husband off my mind. Why does the Lord continue to put the thoughts there? Is there something I'm missing? I miss him so terribly bad and I really don't want to. I ask the Lord every night in prayer that he take control of the situation and strengthen me through it all. I know he won't give us more than we can handle, but sometimes if feels like I'm never going to get through this. I'm so scared my husband is going to meet someone new. I don't know if I could survive that. I put on a good, happy appearance for everyone, but on the inside it feels like I'm dying. I'm just so confused and hurt. I can't even put into words what it feels like. I trusted him, I believed everything he said and all the promises he made. Was I crazy??? I just don't know what to do anymore.

Amber

[Dora]

Amber

When you asked why does God continue to put those thoughts there....who says that they are from God?

What came to my mind is how many His thoughts are of us. While you have many many thoughts of your love, God is having just as many or more loving thoughts towards you. Your true love is right there with you grieving over your broken spirit. Seek Him closer won't you.

God loves you and so do I.

[sbennett]

I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I know the loss is great and the hurt is so bad. My first husband left me and 2 little children to go live with another woman he had met. I truly only survived it because God brought me through it. The pain and sadness was so great that it was hard just to get out of bed in the mornings. That was almost 20 yrs ago. My life is very good now and God has blessed me in wonderful ways! Hold tight to your faith and cry out to HIM for the comfort you need. HE will be there. You are in my prayers.

[aking]

I'm trying my best not to think about things or worry about them and put everything in the Lord's hands. It's a hard thing to do when you love somebody as much as I love my husband and especially when you miss them like I miss him. I know everything will work out the way God intends it and I've given it all to him. I re-joined my family church this morning. That's where I had been going since the separation. I'm trying to move on little by little. This was a big step for me and I felt the Lord guiding me to do it. It's going to take awhile for me to get over things or even be able to let him go. I know eventually I will with the Lord's help.