Christianity Oasis Forum

[xxJILLxx]

Pine, ty sis for yr prayers and support. Love u much! We are settled in now, just need to get a few pieces of furniture and my daughter will be coming up sometime after school lets out. She's excited to decorate her new room. Gma has been spoiling her. My oldest is going to stay there another year til he graduates with my mom and dad. So thankful for my mom and dad, truly a blessing. Nathan is loving the new place.

This morning i feel peace and i feel loved. i have to give props to the one who arranged all this and took care of every detail of this move. Thank u Father! I love You, forgive me for doubting You. I am so glad You are in control. I am so overwhelmed with joy that u love us that much to take care of all of our needs. We never went hungry, we always had a roof over our head all thanks, honor, glory and praise to You our King Almighty.

He is amazing

God bless and keep my family in your arms.
♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

How can we mere man understand God? How can the created understand the creator?

It would be rediculous for me or anyone to think that they could completely and ultimately understand God. If I were to say I understand God, then that puts up a block for me getting to know areas about Him that have not yet been explored.

He understands EVERYTHING about us, about me, about them. He designed us. We are wonderfully made. The hands of God fashioned me to be exactly whom I am.

Yet i strive to understand Him more and more but as of late cannot seem to get to that place. I cant get enuff of seeking Him, and when i tire from all of my worldly tasks in this everyday life, nothing compares to get to knowing Him more, I miss that. It would take me eternity to undestand every facet about HIm. Seeking HIm brings me peace within, brings me to the place that i wish to be at all times.

Now that i am not working in the assisted living home, i miss having the interaction with the residents. I learned so much from Him being there among them. I like my new job, and i am asking Him to reveal to me how i can be of service to Him there. So i shall wait and see, maybe there are a few things inside of me yet that needs to be dealt with before i can be the utmost of service to Him. If there are, Lord i pray that you will remove my difficulties so i can better serve you. I have beed so self involved as of late and i dont like it one bit. So much going on, in such a short amount of time. Still have some loose ends i need to tie up in old town.

Renew my heart daily Lord, thank u for your grace my King.

♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

There is a war going on onside of me. I can see God's hand at work, yet that doubt pops up. I know the Truth, but the questioning arises. I've made decisions, yet i look back on them. Over and over I analyze them. I see Him in my daily life but i feel so far away from Him. And ashamed that i feel that way. What is this wall? And my how quickly it had been built. It may gone a few minutes from now, He is God and can smash down any wall that i or anyone has built. I know i dont like to feel this way. And am writing this to figure out why i feel this way. Is there wrong i have committed? No, not that i havent been aware of and have prayed and asked Him to reveal any wrongs so that i may be in communion with HIm. SO is there sin known or unknown to me that is building this wall? There i go double analyzing things over and over again.... see what i mean? Maybe there is too much analyzing and not enough faith? No, i have faith in Him.. i have doubted, yes... but have always came back to His path. I know He knows better than me, and i trust HIm more than my analyzing. I just want to believe in His Truth and stay there. NOt budge over to the wayside by a lil thought or a morsel of knowledge here and there.

Well i guess if i dont budge, i dont learn more about Him and who He is and how great He is. I cant keep myself caged in a box of my own understanding of who He is . I must be free to explore every facet of HIm. But I also must prove everything with the Word of God. It is my duty to Him. Search everything and see if it is True.

Gotta go for now
Gb
♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

Looking back on my last entry, i can see how my thoughts loops. Obsessive thoughts, over analyzing and over thinking EVERYTHING. It is not healthy and is bringing me down. I am my worst enemy. Putting those thoughts out there is good therepy for me, i can then go back when my mind is refreshed and with His guidance look it over and see where i err and where i need Him to reign in my mind. I humbly ask Him to take away my difficulties and renew my mind, i need to have the mind of Christ and i know through these discoveries He is working with me to establish His Kingdom in me. I need Christ to reign in my whole being. Working out my salvation with fear and trembling.

Meditation seems to help when i cannot seem to turn my thoughts off. I catch myself thinking about the same thing over and over again, til i make myself physically ill sometimes. Not to mention what it is doing to me spiritually, and is also hindering my relationship with Him.

All and all i can overcome with His guidance. I feel like i am alone with this struggle and that most people dont understand what I am going through. Vahn would tell me, quit stetching things out. Or dont make an issue out of it. Which is good, and i understand that this is a habit and habitual way of thinking and that it takes time to break and retrain my mind. In His timing if it be His will, He will overcome this in me and through me. I know i cannot do it on my own power and my reliance has to be on Him.

Ok thats it for right now
God bless
♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

Oh, GREAT GOD, BE SMALL ENOUGH TO HEAR ME NOW
THERE WERE TIMES WHEN I WAS CRYING
FROM THE DARK OF DANIEL'S DEN
AND I HAVE ASKED YOU ONCE OR TWICE
IF YOU WOULD PART THE SEA AGAIN
BUT TONIGHT I DO NOT NEED A FIERY PILLAR IN THE SKY
JUST WANNA KNOW YOU'RE GONNA HOLD ME IF I START TO CRY
OH, GREAT GOD, BE SMALL ENOUGH TO HEAR ME NOW
OH, GREAT GOD, BE CLOSE ENOUGH TO FEEL YOU NOW
THERE HAVE BEEN MOMENTS WHEN I COULD NOT
FACE GOLIATH ON MY OWN
AND HOW COULD I FORGET WE'VE MARCHED AROUND
OUR SHARE OF JERICHOS
BUT I WILL NOT BE SETTING OUT A FLEECE FOR YOU TONIGHT
JUST WANNA KNOW THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT
OH GREAT GOD, BE CLOSE ENOUGH TO FEEL YOU NOW
ALL PRAISE AND ALL HONOR BE
TO THE GOD OF ANCIENT MYSTERIES
WHOSE EVERY SIGN AND WONDER TURN THE PAGES OF OUR HISTORY
BUT TONIGHT MY HEART IS HEAVY
AND I CANNOT KEEP FROM WHISPERING THIS PRAYER
"ARE YOU THERE?"
AND I KNOW YOU COULD LEAVE WRITING ON THE WALL
THATS JUST FOR ME
OR SEND WISDOM WHILE I'M SLEEPING,
LIKE IN SOLOMAN'S SWEET DREAMS
BUT I DON'T NEED THE STRENGTH OF SAMSON
OR A CHARIOT IN THE END
JUST WANT TO KNOW THAT YOU STILL KNOW HOW MANY HAIRS
ARE ON MY HEAD
OH GREAT GOD, BE SMALL ENOUGH TO HEAR ME NOW

Song by Nichole Nordeman

As i was listening to this song and singing along with my heart, Right in front of my eyes a lil white fleck of dust that was floating in the air, came toward me. I knew right then in my spirit that if he sends mighty miracles to save masses of people, that the same God can send a fleck of dust to catch my eye and remind me that He is here with me and cares deeply about even the littlest things. Thank u Father for that "lil" reminder

I love u Lord.

God bless
♥Jill

[ciny]

Someone shared with me just recently that when Jesus called Lazarus to come out of the tomb, if He hadn't of called him by name all the dead would of risen.

That is a whole lot of power our Lord has.

With power like that, I think He is capable of handling this move.

i like this never thought about that before that if Jesus didn,t call Lazuras by name would all the dead have rose i agree that the Lord has alot of power love this

[xxJILLxx]

My teens are doing very well, i am beginning to re-establish a loving relationship with my oldest son. We had a very nice heartfelt talk when i visited He is a good kid. He just wants someone to love him and be there for him despite his shortcomings. Isnt that what we all want>? That unconditional love? He admits he is not perfect and so am i. But he is doing the best he can in these given circumstances, as we all are. He loves his football and enjoys playing football, foot ball is one of things that has brought him to learn discipline, stability and strengthened his self esteem. He is a child who's father never went to any of his games, never was there for him. My exhusband was around him most of his childhood, and ditched him when we got divorced. Every human man that mom has been involved with let him down in some form or fashion in his eyes, hence he has a constant guard up, as well as the men in his church. His pastor told him that he would always be there for him, the pastor since moved away and will not even answer his texts. Every relationship with a man for him has let him down, that is except my brother and my father. I thank God for them as i am positive he does too. I could feel his pain and his longing to be accepted for who he is and what he wants to accomplish, it is his life and nobody else can live it for him. He loves the Lord and is still growing in his relationship with him as well. I love my son, and am thankful to God for giving him to me... just the way he is, imperfections and all. For i know through those imperfections Christ is molding him to be more like Him. I am working on my relationship with my daughter as well. I think this time away from each other is giving us all some time to reflect. Thank u Lord for that, for u know what is best.

God bless
♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

You know,

The more i see His love in His light, the more i love Him. He is so patient with us.... with me. He is the delight of the ages, waken my heart to Your love Lord!!

Im falling more and more in love with my soulmate as well in this process of seeing love through His eyes. I've never been in a relationship like this one. That i can share any thought on my mind and without judgement. He understands because he has been there before and still loves me, no matter what the thought entails. Exactly like our Savior that came to show us how to build our "real"ationships through Him to our Father. I'm learning that it is more important to be upfront with ourselves and each other, then there are no hiding places in our relationships. Whether they be relationships with our spouses our children, step children, sisters, brothers.... When we safeguard our hearts and let No place for deceit in our hearts to take root we can enjoy the fruits of those relationships. I find it essential to promptly deal with any hidden decietful feelings, so they may not grow. He is my best friend, i can confide in him. And isnt that exactly what the Father wants for us? Isnt it One love, just like that? SHouldnt all of our realtinships be that way? So why is it that they dont? When we give way to sin a wall builds between relationships doesnt it? Any relationship. Especially our relationship with our Father through our Lord Christ Jesus.

Unconditional love.... by Christ's example of His unconditional love towards us, we learn to love one another despite our shortcomings and sometimes many in our eyes have so many shortcomings. But i wonder in God's eyes if they would be considered shortcomings or love lessons for everyone involved. We see the big picture and spectrum and the whole person. Whom is also God's creation. Whom we know God created them to be just they way they are and i know it is no mistake that these relationships He has set us in, impacts our soul to learn more to be like Him. To love unconditionaly like He does. But in our humaness we sometimes fail at doing that, dont we? And its ok too. We learn from our experiences, what we can handle and what we need to work on. Deep inside , if we let Holy Spirit search us and not lie to ourselves about what He finds and listen to His voice, those are the relationships that we learn sooo much from, about who we are and who He is. And how great He is that He can love like that, so unconditionaly. For if everyone were perfect life would be so boring wouldnt it? What would we learn? What would gain? What would be the reason to live in a world or relationship like that? Embrace one anothers imperfectness because through them, we learn to love unconditionally , just like HIM. Thank u Lord for loving a wretch like me, as imperfect as i am... you still take me just as i am, dont you? May we gain your wisdom and learn how to love unconditionally in all of the relationships you put in our paths. For there are no mistakes in Your will. Accepting Your will in loving unconditionally to all your creation brings a peace that nothing else can imitate and that i yearn to learn more of.

I love you Lord

♥Jill

[xxJILLxx]

Oh boy do i miss the residents at my previous job. I miss making them smile, giving them hugs, showing them love when they need it most... the end of their lives.

Heres a poem that i love that brings me to a place of understanding when i was caring for the residents. It was found in an old man's belongings after he passed.
The best and most beautiful things of this world can't be seen or touched.
They must be felt by the heart.

Crabby Old Man

What do you see nurses? . . What do you see?
What are you thinking . . . . when you're looking at me?

A crabby old man, . . not very wise,
Uncertain of habit . . . . . with faraway eyes?

Who dribbles his food . . . . . . and makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice . . 'I do wish you'd try!'

Who seems not to notice . . . the things that you do.
And forever is losing . . . . . . . A sock or shoe?

Who, resisting or not . . . . . . . . . lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding . . . . . . The long day to fill?

Is that what you're thinking? . . . Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse . . . . you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am, . . . . . as I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, . . . . as I eat at your will

I'm a small child of Ten . . . . . with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters . . . . . . . who love one another

A young boy of Sixteen . . with wings on his feet
Dreaming ! that soon now . . . . a lover he'll meet.

A groom soon at Twenty. . . . . .My heart gives a leap.
Remembering the vows . . . . . that I promised to keep.

At Twenty-Five, now . . . . . . . I have young of my own.
Who need me to guide . . . And a secure happy home.

A man of Thirty . . . . . . My young now grown fast,
Bound to each other . . . . . . With ties that should last.

At Forty, my young sons . . have grown and are gone,
But my woman's beside me . . . . . . to see I don't mourn.

At Fifty, once more, . Babies play 'round my knee,
Again, we know children . . . . . . My loved one and me .

Dark days are upon me . . My wife is now dead.
I look at the future . . . . . . . . .. . I shudder with dread.

For my young are all rearing . . . . . . young of their own.
And I think of the years . . And the love that I've known.

I'm now an old man . . . . . and nature is cruel.
Tis jest to make old age. . . . . look like a fool.

The body, it crumbles . . . . . . . . . . grace and vigor, depart.
There is now a stone . . . . . . where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass . . A young guy still dwells,
And now and again . . . . . my battered heart swells

I remember the joys . . . . . . . . . . I remember the pain.
And I'm loving and living . . . . . . . . . . . life over again.

I think of the years , all too few . . . . . gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact . . . . . . . that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, people . . . . . open and see..
Not a crabby old man Look closer . . . see . . . . . ME!!


Remember this poem when you next meet an older person who you might brush aside without looking at the young soul within . .

We will all, one day, be there, too!

God bless
♥Jill

[Mackenaw]

Thanks for posting that, Jilly

God bless and keep you.
Love,
Mack

[xxJILLxx]

You created all things, and by Your will they exist and were created
Holy Holy Holy, Lord God Almighty
You are the worthy One
Worthy is the Lamb that was slain
\o/

My daughter will be coming here with us soon. I am praying that the transition will be a smooth one. That she will find good christian friends here. That hopefully we can begin to restore a loving family realtionship in and through us all. It will take a whole lot of love and understanding on all parts. And i can understand her sadness about leaving all her friends back and starting fresh. It wasnt easy for me either, so i can understand. Mom will be here for a week as well helping her set up her room and exploring the new town. Mom is awesome, she has been very supportive in each individual role in this family and has taken a wonderful role of creating peace in the midst of a family being broken. I am praying tha God will bless this transition. I am hoping that my oldest son will come up and spend time here this summer as well. I miss spending time with him. I am soo proud of him! He got first place for defensive end in football camp I know he has worked very hard for it. Training everyday and all. I give him soo much credit, he never gave up on his dreams, he keeps fighting for his dreams... no matter what. God wants us all to be happy and knows our dreams and knows what we are capable of and what we are not. I trust Him to mold him to what He wants him to be in Him. I once had dreams to do such and such, my life is not that of what i dreamed but the dream nevertheless impacted who i am today. And for that i thankful to Him for giving us dreams and hope in a world that there seems like their is not so much of anymore.

Anyways im rambling... i realy do miss them... very much. Cant wait to see them.

God bless
♥Jill

[Lani]

Hey Jillibean
Standin in prayer for a peaceful transition, the mending of broken hearts and meshing of a new, complete in Him, family unit.

Luv y'all bunches

Peace n Luv in Christ,
Lani