Christianity Oasis Forum

[Diane]

Please help me. I am a mother that is feeling so lost and alone as I do not know what to do about the situation my son is in with his baseball team mates. He is the new kid in town, skinny and not the best player but not the worse player either. We went to team pool party last night and witnessed first hand the put downs they give my son relentlessly about his playing and his comments, his actions, everything. They are a bunch of mean kids and my son does not say anything. I know he has come home angry and takes his frustration out on his brother and me and his dad. I hurt so badly for him. I do not know what to do but ask God for help and to intercede on Peters behalf and protect his diminishing confidence and self esteem. He doesnt fight back. He gets remarks from a so called friend that we have had over to the house. The "Friend" puts my son down all the time in front of me. I have told him to stop and he does then starts up again. The kid has an awful background and we thought we were doing charity by including having in our home to see a united family that does not do the same things like his dysfunctional parents. Not that we are perfect but we are followers of Jesus and His word. So we saw last night the ugly conversations these kids have and how they put down each other but especially my son and another kid that is not tough, mean and cruel like they are. What do we do? What should my son do? The young coach is the same way and tolerates this put down talk and needless to say the team didnt do very well. I am so worried about my son because he will not tell me anything. We just witnessed the cruelty last night and they are so bold to act that way in front of adults and parents that are not watching but drinking away. Oh Dear God, my son needs christian support and friends that will not put him down and berate him. He is new and wants to be cool because thats all the kids talk about what and who is cool and not cool and they make fun of my son. Please Lord help us I am so distraught and do not like that Peter is hurting and being hurt. Show us clearly what to do and put people in our path that can help guide us. I need help. I ask this is Jesus Name.
God bless you for praying for us and giving us help!

[Dora]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. My heart goes out to you and your family.

I pray this passes soon. Gods good and perfect will be done.

[dema]

Have you talked to your son? I have found that this kind of things is regional - cultural.

I lived in another state. Had lived in two. In both of the others, particularly the second, people were polite until they got to know you and they they would gossip or say little unpleasantnesses. It was a kind of intimacy. Sharing secrets. Sharing sympathy. Sharing gripes.

I moved to where I am now and they are so polite. I ended up hanging with my gym group who were all from other states. We all thought the locals were freezing us out, beings stuck-up, because they were always so polite. It took years to realize that people here were just in general raised along the principles of the Bible - Christians and non-Christians all really don't talk bad about people anywhere near as much as they do in other places where I've lived.

My point is, that for some people, ragging and teasing is a kind of intimacy. And, for some of these kids, it may be the only way they know how to show intimacy. And it may be that they are laying it on heavy with your son trying to get him to participate.

But you don't want him to participate. It is unhealthy and unacceptable in the places where you want your son to go.

How do you go against a culture? That really will take some prayer.

You see, in some of these cultures, the kids don't think much of themselves in the first place. Have you heard of black people calling themselves the "N" word? You might read up on that a bit - because it describes what I am talking about.

The people of a team or gang or clique can talk bad about each other and do. But if anybody from outside does it, they beat them up. It is a gang mentallity.

I don't know how you react to it. But, my gut tells me that they are wanting to accept your son if he will play along. But you don't want him to. So, what do you do?

The one thing I would do for sure is to talk to your son. It may be that he has already figured this out and is torn between his loyalty to you and his wanting to fit in. Or that he hasn't figured it out and is totally confused by mixed messaged - they have him on the team, they go to his house, but they talk like this...



God bless you.

[sbennett]

This is really sad to me. I have seen kids do this to each other and also to pick on just one kid. It is never right....but it is often overlooked or accepted. You might go to the league association with a complaint but I dont know if it would help....could cause more problems. Do you know the other kids parents??? That might be an insight to where some of this comes from. You could try "kill em with kindness"....maybe bake some cookies or bring sodas and have your kids pass them out to his team mates. I dont think it is right for the coach to take part in any behavior that is not helpful for a kid. I do know that sometimes a coach may be stern or express disappointment in a players performance....but not pick on him or tear him down. If you are like me....once you kid has started on a team you do not want them to quit so that makes it hard to handle till the end. Lots of prayer by you as a family may help. Being the Christian example may get one of his team mates attention even tho you may never know. I really hope this works out in God's way.

[xxJILLxx]

Prayers raising up for your son and your family. Being new is never easy, and top of that to being rediculed. That is downright cruel to these children. If i were in your situation I would confront the staff as a concerned parent in a loving way with understanding and let them know your concerns and where you stand in the midst of it all. I would suggest a zero tolerance bully guideline with consequences to their bad behaviors. And on the flip side a reward system for their good behavior. Get involved on the team as a parent. Make suggestions, to benefit the whole team and any child that walks onto the team.

Your son will remain in my prayers as well as those who are picking on him that there eyes would be open to Truth and His presence.

God bless
♥Jill

[mlg]

Hi Diane, my prayers are with you and your family. May God give all of you strength.

Just a thought Diane, maybe a good youth ministry program would be an encouragement to your son. I'm not sure if you have found a church yet, but I definitely would say look around and see if there is something. This way your son will have some Christian fellowship to offset that rough sports atmosphere he is being subjected to amongst those other children. I'm so sorry this is happening to him and your family.

[Diane]

I have been taking my two teenage sons to different youth ministries. We drove a long way to a megachurch that had lots of entertainment for the kids. They hated it because the other kids didnt talk to them. Then we found a small church close by. The older pastor has a way in his sermons that boys can relate to but they wont go to the youth group because they dont know anyone. I need to prayf with my husband about it. Thanks for your reply

[Timothy]

Hi Diane,

Can your sons come to Christianity Oasis and participate in the teen forums here?
Can they go thru the counseling programs here?

Have they tried offering compliments to the other players.
"Nice hit" "Good catch" "that was a tough play, but you made it look easy."
"I'd like to learn how to do that, will you teach me?"

Encorage them to let the Light in them shine thru.

I'll be praying for God's Will to be revealed to you all.

Timothy