Few chosen

[jayney]

Step 1
I have begun this programme today and having read the first step have lots to go away and think about. Throughout my life many difficult things have happened and throughout this I have always said to myself that there must be a reason, that God must have a plan for me. I just never took this thought any further and thought about what that plan may be or how I would find it.
I have trained in a career where I wanted to help and support people but anyone who has read my previous posts will know that this has not worked how I planned and I feel very disillusioned at the moment. I feel that the work I do is oppressive and is not where I wanted to go. I am looking for a new opportunity to support the disadvantaged and vulnerable and hope I find something soon.
Maybe, finding this forum and many others things that have happened in recent months are all part of God's plan?
Reading this 1st step some of the words rang true with me.
I will think on this today.
Thanks for reading

[jayney]

Step 2
I am glad to learn from this step that many of the ways of living that build your relationship with God are ways I already do. I feel that God wants me to follow this path but I am still unclear as what I should be doing to serve God. There are many uncertainites in my life at the moment and I am hoping that they will all come together and be resolved to serve God and he will show me the way.
It is something for me to think about that many of the ways in which I have always lived my life are christian and I never realised. I have always tried to be kind and helpful and be kind to people, I always compliment people publicly on things they have done, or if I feel that they are anxious or fearful will compliment their appearance to make them feel better about themselves.
THis is my struggle with my job as I have been told I am too kind to my clients, I am really struggling with this as I do not see how you can ever be too kind?
Anyways, I will go off today and think about what I have read here today.
Reading the Who am I stuff makes me realise how much of my childhood christian teachings have stayed with me without me realising. I have never questioned that God created the Earth and all of us, I know he did, even at times when I didn't feel I was living my life as a CHristian.
Thank you GOd for bringing me here

[jayney]

Step3
I am still thinking about yesterdays lesson. SOmeone on chat here kindly gave me a link to a spiritual gifts questionnaire which I completed. I have been agonising about my job and thinking about what I should be doing. Strangely the top gift this questionnaire demonstrated was that of mercy. The definition of Mercy is exactly what I have been trying to do and why I went into this type of work in the 1st place. I had never thought of this aspect of my character as a gift, this makes me feel so happy that God is directing this. I now feel more determined to move jobs and find one that fully utilises this gift.
Todays lesson is about worldly ways and I can see how things pop into my head all the time. Particularly after I have spent quality time on here. I have written down a couple of the passages from the bible about looking forward and will keep reading them when these thoughts enter my head. It is a struggle to move forwards from the past.
I have had ongoing issues with my mother in law who has done bad things to me. She is very ill and I have been trying to find it in myself to forgive. Last night when I prayed, for the first time I was able to pray for her which demonstrates to me how much God is working within me.
Thank you God for bringing me here

[jayney]

Steps 4 & 5
I am reading through these steps and although I feel strongly that I should be doing this and that I have at times felt joy and happiness since finding this site I am still unsure as to if or what God is calling me to do.
There are several big things in my life, noy job, my home that need to be changed but I cannot be sure what it is I should do?
My marriage appears to have been transformed in recent weeks since I turned to God which is so amazing.
My mother in law is currently very ill and she has done bad things towards me many times. I have often previously felt that she is doing the work of the enemy and wonder if that is also what this current illness is? I don' t have enough knowledge to know these answers. Her current situation is causing my husband great pain and over time will surely put our marriage under incredible strain just at a time when we seem to be working together to get stronger.
I enjoy the time I spend on the chat on here, talking to other christians.
Thank you God for bringing me here

[jayney]

Step 6
Being ordained? That sounds a very grand word for someone like me who is only just beginning to build their relationship with God.
I am seeing God in many things. My teenage daughter has always been aware that I believe but it is not something we have ever discussed. Yesterday for the zillionth time we were trying to find after school actitivites for her to join as she has struggled with making friends since moving to a new school. I listed lots of possibilities and at the end threw in Christian Youth groups not expecting her to even notice that. How amazing that is what she wants me to find for her!!! SO I will do some research and find one for her.
I still don't yet know what it is that God wants me to do, I am desperate for a job change but am confident that the right opportunity will present itself when God feels that the time is right.
J

[jayney]

Step 7
The Holy Spirit. I am still struggling to see God's will in the decisions I am making and the things I need to do. I am having a difficult time at work currently and really like what this study suggests that I invite the Holy Spirit to accompany me to work. I have done that today so I hope the day is better.
Yesterday I went to make a phone call twice regarding moving house which is something I have mentioned in other posts that I am really wrestling with and couldn't bring myself to pick up the phone. SOmetimes I find when I post things on here it becomes clearer in my head. The area I am thinking of moving to has what seems a great, modern thinking church for me with a great youth project for my daughter, my husband is desperate to move there but I will be further from my parents. I am trying so hard to see God's will and still can't. Am I struggling to move forward with this because its not God's will or because it is and the enemy is holding me back?
All this thinking makes my head hurt
I will continue to pray for guidance.

[jayney]

How amazing!!
I have been having a really hard time in my job recently. This morning after reading today's step on here I did as suggested and I asked the Holy Spirit to come to work with me today. My day has been totally different and gone so much better than it has of late. My friend who is a Christian rang me first thing this morning when I got to work and offered many words of support and God. How amazing. Thank you

[Dora]

That is so awesome!!! Don't you just love the Holy Spirit. We are so blessed to have a friend like that.

[jayney]

Step 8
I have already been doing some reading on spiritual gifts and completed an online questionnaire that indicated that my gift is that of Mercy.
THis would fit with who I am and the work that I want to do. One of my struggles in my current job is that I have too much empathy and compassion for the clients I have. I have frequently been told as a criticism that I am "too nice".
I have been praying for God to show me where is my niche where I can best use the gifts he has given me.
In work I have done with addicts and offenders I feel so sorry for their struggle and want to help them to rebuild their lives. Unfortunately that is not what my current job is about!
I shall continue to pray but a Christian friend was telling me yesterday that God doesn't always show you the way with a big flash of light or something similarly dramatic. She believes that sometimes you need to take the first step in something and God will guide you?
I have prayed today for the Holy Spririt to spend some time with me. Thank you God for bringing me here.

[jayney]

Steps 9 & 10
Step 10 asked that I talk about God's Grace to someone, I have talked about God to my non believing husband and to my children. My daughter has stated she would like to join a Christian Youth Group which has shocked me but also shows me how God is working in my family as I have not raised my children as christians.
Things are very difficult at the moment as my mother in law in dying and I am struggling to bear the weight of supporting my husband who for reasons of his own is turning away from me making it hard for me to support him. I prayed this morning in the early hours and in my head, in words bigger than my prayers I heard the words, Just let go. Was this God? I hope so. I was so anxious and decided to go out for an early walk as the sun was comnig up with my dog across the fields where I was completely alone and could talk to God and look around at the beauty of this world and now I have returned home I feel more at peace. One of the things I have been desperately praying about appears to be unfolding and resolving in front of me which I feel certain is God's will.
I know there are very tough times ahead with my husband and every day I know I must try and Let Go and Let God.
THank you GOd for bringing me here to start my journey with you.

[jayney]

Step 11
This was a good step for me to read. I am currently trying had to Let GO and Let GOd, not easy for someone who has always kept such a tight control over everything and anxiously worried constantly about any choices and decisions.
I have prayed so much for some guidance about moving house and my prayers appear to have been answered but not in the way I expected.

I also can see the Enemy's work around me. Just as I found God and started to feel such joy, my husband's life appears to have imploded with his Mother's illness and the impact on me already is massive and its hardly started. I am not sleeping well due to the increasing strain of it all but I will not let this interfere with what I am doing on here and in my life. Its hard, it currently feels as though his entire family is now in the middle of our marriage pulling it apart while my husband falls apart. What a mess!
I keep repeating to myself, let Go and let God. I talked today to my Mother about God and what he is doing in my life. It feels good to talk about him. I will be vigilant and try to protect myself from evil influences. I have seen such changes since beginning to invite the Holy Spirit to be with me.
Thank you GOD

[jayney]

Step 12
I am struggling today, have read the lesson on unity and accord. At first I couldn't see that it spoke to me but now maybe I can. I feel weighed down by the problems with my husband and his Mother and her illness.
I am finding it hard to connect with God today and Let Go. I am feeling so anxious. My husband has left to go to work and then driven miles again to go to his mother, just not bothering to go to work.
For me UNity today will be praying hard and trying to find peace and feel God's love again. I need to quieten the anxieties in my mind as they are getting in my way.
Please send your prayers for my husband to find the strength to cope with his Mother's illness and for me to find the strength to support him.
THank you God, just coming on here starts to quieten my anxieties.