Christianity Oasis Forum

[Carrissa]

Day 1

To start this journal and do it daily is something that I have done throughout my life, I have journals everywere. The difference this time is that I am actually allowing others to view it. I have never done that before. I isolate myself a lot and usually don't like for others to see my thoughts and struggles within, sometimes it can be a bit scary. So, I am feeling a little wierd about this. There is a voice in my head saying, why do it? Nobody cares. Anyways, I am still going to do it.

My thoughts for the day

I woke up this morning disarranged, I am trying to search for the words to talk to my kids about God and the importants of him being control of their lives. I have to tell them that things will be changing around here and that there will be things that I will not allow in my house anymore, things that I use to allow. It is hard to make the transformation and getting everyone on the same page. I have been praying that God gives me the words to explain it in their language (if you know what I mean). I have done it a few times before but, when I would fall back into the world, then they would to. Now, I feel guilty for giving my kids mixed signals and I know that it is my fault that they are looking at life through worldly eyes. Something keeps telling me that it is to late, but then I know that God is capable to change their hearts, so they serve him. I am just not sure of the transition and how to go about it. It hurts me so bad to see the path that they are heading, if they don't listen to me about the lord and what life is really about.

My Prayer

Lord, I come to you today and ask you to give me the words and actions to explain and show my kids the truth about you. Open their hearts and their minds to be able to recieve and understand the truth. Let me be a good example to them and show them what is most important in life. I know that you have a purpose for their life and I pray that you touch them so that they seek you to find out. Thank You for all that you have done in my life and also what you are going to do in the future. I love you. I ask all of this in Jesus name, Amen

[momof3]

God bless you, Carissa. Im standing in prayer for you and your family. Sister, its never too late for the Lord. Remember, He knows us intimately...and your kids are His. He knows how to reach them. He knows every step. It may be difficult but remember, we are not in control..He is. Keep seeking and praying and leaning on Jesus. As you show your children a different direction, they will learn that we are all human and in need of His saving grace. Give the guilt to Jesus and leave it at the foot of the cross. Im so glad to see you doing these steps. I truly believe there is healing within them, not only for you, but for your kids as well. He loves them soo very much and can use every single mistake you and they have made for His glory. Give them to Him.

Im praying for you...I know where you are as ive been there so many times, as well. Keep seeking, keep going, no matter what it all looks like. Stay on your knees praying for your children and your husband. Intercessory prayer is one of the most powerful things a mom can do for her kids...and a wife, for her husband.

God bless you today. May His peace fill you up and may He give you the words and strength to say to your kids what He would have you say.

in Jesus,
love momo

[Carrissa]

Thank you so much for your post and the encouragement that it has brought to me. I believe that one of the things that have kept me bound is the guilt from not doing everything correct. Thanks for your prayers and reponding to my journal, it feels good to know someone cares. I am excited to continue doing the Journal and see were God is going to take me on this journey.

Thanks again

[Dora]

Carissa I feel the pain of your struggle. The guilt you are carrying must be very heavy. I pray you can forgive yourself and receive Gods grace for any and all errors. You can't do anything to change what you did, but you can make today a new beginning. And tomorrow can be another new beginning. A friend once told me to not focus on what you did but to focus on what you want to do.

God loves you. May you find comfort in knowing He is with you to help you through this. Like us adults, children don't like to change nor do they like to give up unhealthy habits. But I think one day you'll both be happy you did this.

God bless and keep you!

[Tam]

Hi Carrissa
Welcome to Oasis. In reading your post the scripture There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus came to mind. We sometimes condemn ourselves for what we did or didn't do.
I think that once you sit down and have a heart to heart with your children, things will be good. Our children want to know our heart. They want to know what we are thinking and why why why why why.(yes I have children)
Just be open and honest with them and share you true heart with them. Ask them to hold you accountable, because if they are like mine...they will be oh so honored to do it and will do a good job of it.
I will keep this in my prayers.
May God bless you on your journey.
Tam

[Carrissa]

Day 3

I don't understand what happen to my second day??? I wrote it the night before and now it isn't on here. Well I hope I do it right this time.

My thoughts for the day
I don't know anymore, my emotions are so up and down about everything.I love my husband so much and I want everything to work out. I know that the only way it will is through God. I just am not sure if my husband it going to give it all to him and stop looking at the situations that surround him and start looking at the whole picture. If there is any time to get it straight with the lord, now is the time. I think I am having all of these mixed emotions because I am so unsure of were my husbands mind and emotions are really at during all of this. I know that he is more aware of his situation now and what all he has done, I am just scared, I think of the outcome and what is real and not. I miss him dearly and want him to come home, I just want him to get the help that he needs so he can live a more fulfilling life and put love before self. I love him and I want my family back. Like I said before, the only way this will happen is if he is all the way in it.

My Prayer

Lord, Please help me and my husband heal from all that has happened. Please open the doors for a new and useful life than what we have been living. I pray for the situation at hand and believe that your grace and mercy is sufficent. I pray that you open our hearts and mind to see thing through you and not our own understanding. I ask that you touch us in a way that we have never been touched before. Help us on this journey and guide us through the path that you have for us. Please release any doubt that I might have and help me keep my eyes on you and your will. I love you and thank you for all that you have done and all that you are going to do. I ask all of this in Jesus name, Amen

[momof3]

Hi Carrissa..im soo glad you are still doing these steps. One day at a time. Thats all He asks us to do.

My sister in Him, I hear your heart in this. I hear in your shared words, your love for your husband and your kids. I hear also, the love you have for the Lord. I just wanna say this...As his wife, his God given companion, pray for him, pray for him, pray for him. Let him know how much you love him, as im sure you do..and keep praying for him. I dont know if youve read "The Love Dare"..and if you havent, i highly recommend it...in it, there is a chapter that talks about rooms in our hearts. There is a paragraph in there that says something along the lines of...the only reason we should ever go into this room is to cover the walls of it with love...and forgiveness....and that we know our spouses better than anyone..and these things they struggle with..their unholy acts..their imperfections..these are the very things we should be praying about for them. At the same time, the Lord is working in us..and speaking into our lives and our souls, words of wisdom from above. He is changing us, as well..on the inside.

Dont give up hope or let the enemy speak fear into your heart. Your strength is in Jesus. Im praying for you and your family..and know that many others are as well. There is so much power in prayer.

Lifting you and your family to Him.

In Jesus,
love momo

[Carrissa]

Day 3

On my 4th day now, feeling a little better about sharing my thoughts and emotions with others.Part of me still wants to go into my shell, but still moving forward

My thoughts for the day

I have been through so many emotions today, I really not sure were to begin, so I will just go with the way I am feeling and what my thoughts are as of now. I have hope in the Lord that he is going to release me from all of my burdens. I believe that he will continue to do a work in me and my family. I am happy to know that through him all things are possible and that he will continue to open my eyes, so I will be able to see when the enemy is near.I feel comforted and happy at this moment and I am glad to be a child of God.

My Prayer

I just want to thank you Lord, with all of my heart, soul, and mind. I just want to lift you up in praise and give you all the glory. Thank you for dying for me and setting me free. Help me remember that you have already won the victory, so when the enemy attacks, I will be able to rely on those words. Give me strength were I am weak and help me see life through your eyes. I love you and just want to give thanks to you. In Jesus name, Amen

[Carrissa]

Day 5

I am on day 5 but, I am still stuck on day 3 & 4, with the lesson. So, I will catch up on day 6 with lesson 5 & 6. I will talk about 3 and 4 today.

My thoughts for the day



I want to start off by saying that I really love this program, it is such an eye opener. Some of the questions that I have had are finally coming clearer each day.I know that it is easier for me to forgive others, than myself , but I wasn't ever sure if I really forgave all the way.I would say that I did, and on a daily bases I would still think that I did when I would conversate with ones that have hurt me, but did I really. Sometimes I would ask God to let me know if there were anyone that I still needed to forgive, if so please open my heart and show me so I could. It all makes sense to me now after reading lessons 3 & 4. I started thinking on the levels that I have forgiven others and each person has different levels that I have set. What I have decided to do, is to write everyones name down that has hurt me in any way, shape or form and forgive them completely and then forget.
For years I have struggled with myself because of the way that God has designed me to be, my true being. Because I have been designed with such love and compassion for others, wanting to help everyone, seeing the good in each and every person and being open minded to why people are who they are, I have felt that it has been a weakness on my part. People seem to take advantage of me a lot because of it. I seen it as a weakness because it seemed to cause me the most pain, allowing others to do and say things to me and I would just take it because I didn't want to hurt others the way they have hurt me. I would then battle with myself and then sometimes it would cause me to build up and anger that would then lead to me snapping or going off the deep end. I could just not grip how people can be so cruel. I would even think to myself or sometimes tell others when I was upset, that if I can be the way I am even through I have been through a lot in my life (it has been a lot), then they don't have no excuse because they haven't been through what I have and I am still loving, caring and selfless. I just could never grasp it. Well, though examining myself for a time, the Lord revealed to me that, he designed me this way for a reason and now I am trying to make it a strength. The only thing that I need to work on is making sure that I forgive them the correct way, that I forgive myself because I am very very hard on myself, and to learn how to make boundries so that I don't allow things to get to me so much. The boundry thing is going to be really hard, I just don't want to hurt or disappoint others. The only thing that has been helping me throughout the years to stand up is when I block out the love that I have for them and get angry. I know that there has to be a different way, because all that it does is cause me to hold on to the pain and blocks me from happiness. I am just glad that it has been revealed so that I can work on it. I am ready for this burden to be released and I can move forward a little more.


My Prayer


Lord, I come to you today and ask that you help me to be able to forgive completely, others that have offended me, help me let go of all the hurt and pain that I have incountered throughout my life, open my heart so that I am able to love unconditionally and help me be able to set the boundries that I need to, so I don't allow others to cause pain within, anymore. Lord, change my mind frame and give me a differnt view of each and every person that I have dealings with, so that when things are done diliberatly to me, I can see them with spiritual eyes and not take things literal. I pray that you help me forgive myself also, help me examine each and every part of my being so that I can forgive myself as I ask you to forgive me. I thank you for all that you are doing in my life and I thank you for showing me so much, I could never make it without you, I need you each and everyday. I pray for my family and ask that you touch them in a way that they have never been touched. I pray that you spirit will rise up in them and that they will turn to you with gratitude. I pray that you strengthen me so that I can stand firm on the truth and not back down to what the devil is trying to do, thank you Lord again for all that you have done in my life and all that you are going to do, I trust you completely, I love you, In Jesus name, Amen

[mlg]

Just a quick note...keep pushing through the steps...my thoughts and prayers are with you.