Christianity Oasis Forum

[dema]

The work in the middle is the hard part!

Actually, it should be easy. Because all we have to do is

"Come!"

Like little children.

Really little children - who don't make their own beds.
And can stil belittle angels even though they don't do anything useful at all.

[Tam]

the work in the middle.........


would that be the 12 inches from our brain to our heart?!?!?!?

You are doing so good sis! You keep on reaching and pressing!!!
this sis here is VERY PROUD of you!!!

AMEN Dema

Love you girls

[Angel42]

Kimby, I understand how you felt. I woke up this morning as well feeling underservant of the Lord. I wanted to talk to him so terribly, but felt I didn't deserve him. I will talk to him today. You are doing so well.

May God Bless You!!

[mary hernandez]

Kimby,

I am so glad you decided to share your thoughts in certain areas you felt comfortable with...That little bit actually made alot of sense...and, somewhat hit home in certain areas I have been struggling with myself...especially not too long ago...I know you wrote this last month...but, it helped shine some light of truth in some areas of my life right now that I have been struggling to get by...

I appreciate this honesty...

and, about the white coat comment...you are not alone there...I have also had many up close and personal encounters myself...

Nothing to be ashamed about...People fear what they don't understand thats all...

xoxox mary xoxox Keep ya head up to the sky!!!

[kimby]

Lately He has been telling me I need to trust Him more...and every time He says it I get cranky. I should have known by now that there was a reason I struggled so much with it. I think the other day He started to point out part of the reason why. He showed me there are certain things I won't talk to Him about and certain emotions I never share with Him. Late last night I realised these are areas where I felt betrayed or let down or hurt...by Him. I know we aren't supposed to feel that way...and so I stuffed them down, denied they were there, and refused to talk about them with Him again.
He spoke of a specific one that He wanted me to share with Him. I didn't want to...it was close to my heart and very raw. But in doing so I realised that the whole situation had slowly built a wall of mistrust between us.
Last February when I first returned to the states and walked through the doors of the ICU and saw my dad there, something rose up on the inside and I thoroughly believed he would be healed. I honestly believed God put that inside me. My faith was big and rock solid. I had my moments of tears, yes, but I always believed he would be restored..and quickly.
Each morning as we pulled into the hospital parking lot and made our way through the maze to his ward, I was anxious...I couldn't get my mother to move fast enough because I just knew when I came around the corner of his door he would be sitting up eating breakfast or watching tv. But he never was. And each time I rounded that corner and saw a machine still pushing oxygen into his body, I was momentarily devestated and a small brick was added to the wall.
I spent the majority of the first two weeks directly by his bedside holding his hands. I waited expectantly for him to squeeze my hand. Sometimes I would lay my head on the bed. I dreamed of him stroking my hair like he used to. But again, time after time, I was disappointed, and brick after brick was stacked.
I didn't conciously build it. With every let down I sucked it up, threw my shoulders back and continued to believe. My faith was strong...I knew I would get my daddy back. But with every gut-wrenching disappointment it happened...brick upon brick. With every set back, every complication, I spoke words of faith, prayed with expectancy...and stacked bricks. As the weeks and months passed each disappointment started to hurt a little less...the bricks were doing their job.
So now, here I sit, a nice solid wall of mistrust in place. I alternate between being furious with Him for allowing my hopes to be raised, furious at myself for believing, or just plain hurt by the whole thing. I don't have a clue what to do with any of it. I feel safe behind the wall. As long as I keep my trust in Him limited, I can't be let down or disappointed again, there's no chance I will enter the dangerous territory of being angry with Him about anything.
I have been trying to keep my relationship with Him from getting anywhere near that wall...but I think we have run smack into it and now I don't know what to do.

[deetu]

Take one brick out and peek to the other side

[dema]

It's funny how we can tell other people things that we know are right but that we have difficulty with ourselves.

Sometimes, I think when you write out your troubles, if you pretended they were someone else's you would have the wisest things to say.

Knowing, that I am far more inadequate than my words:

I believe that this life, the whole thing, is a journey to prepare us for something else - something better.

Well, that sounds simplistic and we all believe that - right?

But, think about it - if this life is a journey to prepare us for something better - then, well, our faith needs to be that God is working this freewill life to the best situations for our long-term good. For our eternal good.

I am struggling right now with this issue big time. It is complicated by the fact that I feel that my needs are so trivial relative to the other pain I see. But, then I see the good I could do if my prayers were answered - and God says that they have been answered. They are being answered. That everything is just fine. I'm just still in the oven.

Frankly, I like my cookies gooey and this cookie wants out of the oven, thank you very much.

God gives us free will. Every person has free will. Your dad would have had to choose healing. Because he had free will. So when God is working, "Everything to good" he is doing so within the parameters of the free will of believers, non-believers and the downright evil.

God's trying to make a yummy soup when we keep throwing icky things into it. But, God is God and he'll bring it off.

I think the goal is to realize that God is God and he loves us sooooo much - no matter how things appear.

[vahn]

Kimby

I absolutely understand , actually know , the feeling you're going through , I went through them myself . Built myself a wall so high and thick , and was , at the same time so busy "building" it , that I forgot to put a door or a window in it .

A desk plaque someone gave me read , "It is not the hight of the craggy mountain that wears your feet -- It is the grain of sand that is in your shoe " .

As Dee mentioned , we don't have to tear the wall down , just remove one brick at a time .


In Christ , our Lord

[Dora]

I love the way He's working things out with in you. It's like a dance. Sometimes you stop dancing to fiddle around in the dirt a bit, but you go back to dancing with Daddy. You're His girl and He loves ya. There was a purpose in what happened. Even a purpose in your hopes being raised. Can you trust Him with even this?

[kimby]

The farther I go on this journey, the more I see just how many things are interwoven with each other.

Forgiveness is a choice. I've heard that before, but I never truly understood it until the other night. But now that I understand...it's a choice I have decided to make. If those old feelings try to flood back in, they will be handed to Him. It isn't anything I will have to think about, I have already made the decision to do so. When I see them again, it will be from the security of His arms where I will run for shelter. I won't have to decide in that moment, I have already chosen.

For me forgiveness was a method of maintaining control the only way I knew how. In relinquishing that control into His hands, I am saying, "I trust You with this. Handle it how You see fit." Trusting Him in one area lays a foundation for trust in others. I trust Him far more today than I did when I first came here. I realised that this afternoon and wondered where it came from...He was kind enough to show me.

I think the first bit of trust started to come when I could hear Him tell me He loved me...and not immediately turn away. Do I have 100% trust in this area? No. But neither do I have the complete doubt I arrived here with. And if I had to say...I think the scales are tipping heavily on the trust side.

Sometimes steps on this journey feel so difficult to take. I think I know why now. They are rarely only one step...they are so much bigger, so much more.

[Mackenaw]

Kimby

Love,
Mack

[deetu]