Christianity Oasis Forum

[Guest]

Hello everyone. My first writing. I have a lot to get out. I started my steps yesterday and was blessed. Today a little more difficult. My wife is a crack cocaine addict and has been gone since Friday. I have been praying dilligently for her (and myself), trying to give all of the stress, anxiety, etc to the lord, and basically seeking His will and presence. So, today I recieved a mixed answer to my prayers. I was in the middle of reading my bible and I hear my wife's car pull up. Of course I am ecstatic. I open the door for her, give her a big hug, and she tells me she is moving to a clean and sober house. She starts packing her things, we talk a little, she says she will be back to talk some more, and leaves. Now I am not suprised by this, because running away is part of her pattern of behavior. I am also thanking God, because even though she did use while gone, she is at least trying to do what she thinks she needs to do. I totally support this. She says the pressures of the relationship is to much to deal with and stay clean. I think that she is trying to find an excuse for the dozen or so "relapses" she has had in the past three months since getting out of jail. Even so, perception is reality and I will support her decision no matter what. I do feel abandoned. Her addiction and the lifestyle it created caused us to lose our home, 200K in my retirement fund (I have been unemployed for almost 3 years), and on, and on. Even with all of this, I continued to stick by her in an attempt to be a "light" she could focus on, and to try to keep her safe. Her addiction was so acute that she would have died if not for her incarceration (an answer to prayer). So, once again I have been thrown under the bus, so to speak. I really could not focus on my 2nd step today, so I will try again tomorrow. I am not going to give in to my negative feelings though. Praise God she is safe and she is at least trying to get well. Praise God that He is working out all things according to His purpose. His Grace is sufficient and He will see us through this. Being under the bus is OK when the Lord is with you.

[vahn]

Hello AJ , welcome to the Oasis , and an oasis it is indeed .

Yes aj , you are definitely in the right place . I truly feel you brother .

My name in vahn and I am an addict/alcoholic , and today I say that with gratitude for if it hadn't been for my addiction , I may not have had the opportunity to bask in the Grace of our Lord through our intimate relationship with each other .

I say that also to let you know that I had been on both sides of the fence myself , but here's the thing , there IS a Solution brother , and I am a living proof of it .
It is VERY difficult time for you right now and also for your wife , and in a way I do kind of agree with her as far as being difficult to keep clean/sober in the first period of detoxifying herself , and then learning to do things sober unless of course you recover WITH her as well . Now I am NOT implying as you being a user or not (I don't know that.. you did not mention) but however , living with one makes anyone as confused as any . AJ , those are not "excuses" she is talking about , they are necessities , so , what would you need to do ? Well , you're doing it . You are here , you're the steps and you are recovering , getting closer to God and hoping that you will realize (through the steps) that ONLY HE can get both you and your wife back on the Path He wants you to be on .

Takes a lot of courage to do what you are doing by coming here and and talking about it , now let us continue what we started , shall we ?

Keep up the good work brother , there will be others to come along and lend their Love as well so hang tight ok ?



In Christ , our Lord
vahn

[Dora]

I feel your struggle aj and I'm praying for you and her.

[sbennett]

Im glad you brought God under the bus with you!! Keep doing the steps because it does help. Your situation is very very hard.....but like those above have said...you are doing the right thing. I pray God brings healing in your life and to your wife. God is the fixer. I also pray HE gives you the strength and comfort your need.

[Wonderfilled One]

Hi Aj,
I am also an addict/alcoholic. I gave up my love of drugs' euphoria and alcohols' numbing effect some ten years ago, and the love affair with sex, four years ago. Ahhh..addictions, they take us places we never wanted to go, keep us longer than we ever wanted to stay, and cost us more than we ever wanted to pay! I Thank God I got out before crack and heroin got here.
And I do Thank God...every morning, for His unending Love and Grace, for it is through His Grace that I am finally saved!
And now He has led you here. Because, before you were born, He knew you...and your wife. And He sits patiently, lovingly, waiting for us to ask Him for forgiveness, and direction...to surrender our burdens to Him, for we cannot do life on our own.
We welcome you with open arms, and hearts brother. We are, and will be here for ya.
You have knocked Brother, and the door has been open to You...we hope you stay a while.
God Bless You,
Wonderfilled One

[Guest]

Thanks everyone. Your thoughts and prayers are appreciated. I must focus on the big picture as her life is at stake. Praise God that she did accept Christ a month and a half ago. He is working in her life and I do respect her decision. I am not a user . . . . . .The Lord protected me from the crack, but . . . . . the chaos did take its toll. I was thinking about the issue of excuses and realized a couple of things. First of all most addicts make excuses as do non-addicts when they stumble. They help us to ignore the "voices." In my wife's case, the enemy will tell her she is a failure, a loser, will never quit, a worthless crackhead, etc. In a way I am glad that she can deflect these lies by shifting responsibility. It will help her in the short term. She has struggled with this problem for 20 years and tried every program. Unfortunately they only deal with the symptoms and not the root causes of the addiction. I also believe that the crack demon is a true spiritual entity and that only the Cross can provide deliverance. She has to take her journey, I have to take mine. I would prefer we do it together as man and wife, but I respect her decision. I am here for her which is both my love and responsibility. The Lord will take care of us together or apart.

[xxJILLxx]

My heart goes out to you and your wife. I will be supporting you both with my prayers and Love.

God bless you both.


♥Jill

[Mackenaw]

Hello AJCook

God bless you this day.

Welcome to Christianity Oasis.

My heart goes out to you, and my prayers are lifting up to our Lord on your behalf. God's blessed will be done.

While your wife's addiction may have caused you to feel abandoned, I hope that you will find comfort in our Lord while your wife seeks healing.

I hope you'll keep coming here and enjoying fellowship with other brothers and sisters in Christ.

God bless and keep you.
In Christ Jesus' love,
Sister Mack

[momof3]

Hi AJ and welcome to Oasis. You sure are in the right place. God has led you here and please know that while you are seeking Him, His will for your life, His healing, He is also working in your wife.

My son is an addict as well. He has been in and out of jail and prison and hopefully this last 6 month stint opened his eyes a lil more to the enemy and his devices. Yes, addicts DO make excuses. Addictions come in all forms...even addictions to lying..and there is always a "reason" behind that lie. We need these excuses to cover our need to feed those addictions. Remember that addictions are strongholds..and keep doing just as you are doing. I remember several years ago praying for my son in his addiction. It was one of Lord, please have him arrested cuz I knew the alternative was death. Im so glad your wife has accepted Christ and trust that He has His eyes on her, understands her completely..and when we..and she...dont know how or what to pray..the Spirit is continually praying for us.

God bless you on this journey. Its not going to be an easy one..but the Lord God is in control and your prayers and heart are heard.

Will continue to lift you and your wife in prayers. Keep going..and fight the good fight. Let Him work in you through this time. She is His too.

in Jesus,
luv momo