Christianity Oasis Forum

[dabs316]

Last night I was having trouble with lots of guilt. The guilt comes because I have not been a good and loving mother. I have one son (now 25). Because I grew up with low self-esteem and continually fed those lies, my son was the victim of my negativity. Whenever we went somewhere I compared others to him and ended up judging him to not live up to standards that would make me proud. Because my self worth depended on circumstances and people around where I judged myself not worthy, it spilled over onto him. Now my son has low self esteem and fears being around people. Because I was so emotionally distant, I didn't hug him much, never encouraged him or told him how proud I am of him. Because of my lack of nurturing of him (I believe), it seems to me and he has even said so, that he is afraid that he is a misongynist, someone who dislikes women. Oh, how I wish I had known how to nurture. To fill him with confidence he so much deserved to have. To love him unconditionally. To step out of my own insecurities, to fill his emotional needs. I believe he is a Christian. But because of his negative mindset and because he is so immersed in movies (which is what his major is), I don't know how he can be set free. He is filling his ming with the things of this world. I am learning myself to be free in Christ and want to share things with him, but he says to fix myself first, which I believe is good advice. I pray God will lead him and guide and draw him to himself and he will know the length, width, height and depth of God's love for him. But when you feel low self esteem it is so hard to grasp God's love. I am trying to forgive myself. In my mind I know God forgives me. But it doesn't help the mess I've left my son with. Oh, God, please let him know Your love with all his heart! I stand in Your grace and righteousness. I forgive. Release me of self-judgment. Please heal my son's heart and fill up every need in his heart that is for You and You alone.

[xxJILLxx]

Hello,

When you make ( or have already made... not sure if u had or hadnt) ammends with your son for any wrong doing on your part, and you made ammends with our Heavenly Father, you can rest assured that you did your part. God is all forgiving. Clean your side of the street and let the other be responsible for cleaning theirs. All we can do is be responsible for our actions. The rest is up to them, and the best way to show your son is through example. Keep praying for God's will to be done in his life, i will join you in your prayer.

God bless

♥Jill

[Mackenaw]

Hello Dabs

God bless you this day.

I want you to look at a few of the statements you wrote:

Because I grew up with low self-esteem and continually fed those lies, my son was the victim of my negativity.

Because my self worth depended on circumstances and people around where I judged myself not worthy, it spilled over onto him.

Because I was so emotionally distant, I didn't hug him much, never encouraged him or told him how proud I am of him.

Because of my lack of nurturing of him (I believe), it seems to me and he has even said so, that he is afraid that he is a misongynist, someone who dislikes women.

Dabs, look at all that WEIGHT!!!

Now, lay it down at the feet of Jesus.

Do you see how you are blaming yourself for things you did not know how to to, because you, yourself, were never taught correctly and didn't know where to go to be taught?

I want you to read the following scripture:
James 4:17 Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.


Did you know, Dabs? Did you know exactly how to change yourself? So how does one teach another, what they, themselves, do not know?

Jesus said: Forgive them Father for they know not what they do.

Dabs, read the 8th Chapter of Romans, with The Holy Spirit, to get a good understanding on this.

So how about all those adult children, whose parents were lacking Truth themselves and then fell short in teaching the children Truth?

Good news, Dabs...God is not a grandfather to any, but a Father to all. Just as you finally heard, believe that for your son, as well. Keep lifting him up in prayers to our Lord, and leave your son in His capable hands. Trust The Lord. He loves your son more than you do, because...Hey, He is God and He is Love.

And as far as your son being a supposed "misogynist" -- well, all I can say is God can heal anything and everything.

God defines us, not man.

Dabs, remember The Lord loves you, and He loves your son.

Prayers continue to rise for you, Dabs. God's blessed will be done.

God bless and keep you.
Love,
Mack

[havingfaithagain53]

Dabs~

I couldn't have said it any better than Mack! Mack you put it exactly where it needs to be and has given much wisdom.

I went through (like many of us here) of the guilt and unforgiveness of MYSELF... until I found this site. I know I keep repeating myself on this but it literally saved my life! I KNOW if it did this for me... it can do it for anyone... and through the HOLY SPIRIT is how it happens!

I not only cleansed my mind and heart of the evil thoughts but my house as well! There are evil spirits that are everywhere that you need to cleanse from all around you. I just took a candle and lit it and took it and the HOLY SPIRIT WITH ME THROUGH EACH ROOM AND PRAYED THIS... "ALL EVIL SPIRITS HAVE TO LEAVE THIS ROOM IN THE NAME OF JESUS!" And went on to the next room. It was sooo awesome. You can actually fill the spirits leaving! You remember what it felt like when you first gave everything to the Lord? All your burdens were lifted.. and you literally felt it? Well.. this is the same thing... AWESOME!

I don't know if you have read WHO AM I or gone through the programs CHRISTIAN COUNSELING AND SPIRIT OF TRUTH... but I beg you to do so ... it will be the one that empties you of ALL GUILT and teaches you how to have the HOLY SPIRIT with you every second of the day! It was an eye opener for me ... one that has changed my life COMPLETELY!

We are all praying for you Dabs and KNOW with all the prayers from us and the HOLY SPIRIT right there with you... you WILL have the VICTORIES in your life that your SON will not only SEE but he will FILL the difference in you and then HE WILL SEEK HELP FROM YOU ON HOW TO GET THIS NEW MIND IN CHRIST!!!

We love you!!!! HUGS... HUGS... and more HUGS!!!

Linda

[dabs316]

Mack,
Thank you for reminding me that you can't teach someone what you don't know yourself. It makes me sad, though. Somehow I feel like I deserve to hold onto the guilt. I do know the truth though. I am saying that what Christ did was not enough. That is a lie. I forgive myself (hopefully), as He forgave me in Jesus. I am righteous. I am alive in Him.

I pray that God show my son just how special he really is to Him and me and his father and people in his life. Father, draw him to yourself as You are drawing me.