am i?

[sweetlittleangel]

woah...here i go again..i logged in this afternoon..and i saw these two topics shows on the sanctuary page..calling the called and welcome to Sonderful world of shepherding..woah those two post..there are talking to me...really humbling me..

just two days ago..i was saying..to the Lord..i give u now all my life..use it for Your glory in anyway u want according to ur will..can u imagine the joy i ve felt when i bumped onto something that related to what i ve experienced last two days..woaah God..u are always awesome..right on time..!

after all the things that happend many months ago..i learned so many things..yet slowly. it was not an easy journey up to this point of my life..went thru so much at once..or another thing after another..has led me into exhausted state..draining my energy..and slowly losing the virtue..

as patient as He always is with me..one by one..step by step..He teached me with valuable lessons..first was..to fill me with His love..and to know that im loved by God no matter what..that was soo gud to know..even when u found others may abandoned u or rejected u and neglected u..there i learned He will never leave me no matter what..i learned to say..the joy of the Lord is my strength..which is true..i ve experience it myself..if u keep holding to God..no matter how painful it seems..in the end u will gain peace..that beyond my own understanding..it didnt stopped there..where the enemy trying hard..no..harder..to steal the peace and joy that He granted me with. at times i failed or stumble..and one may think it complex at is seems..actually i learned that it was very simple..we are all sinner saved by grace..that s why when i open the bible in the past..it always brought me to the page..where it says..we are all fall short of the glory of God..was doesnt really make sense to me at those time..and when i realized..there s nothing good in me...my world is crumbling down..im down to nothing..all i have is my life to offer to God..only God's grace can save me..that was really humbling experience..looking at myself is no better than anyone..

until..recently..my uncle told me thru my sharing..dear, Jesus is calling you u know..yes i did feeling unworthy..but im not going that lie to hold me to answer my calling..brought up in environment of high expectation and needed approval from my parents..im not that person anymore..because i still has..this passion..that was faded..stirring back again..learned not to be a people pleaser but to be God pleaser..learning to trust that He is doing something and will do..for the sake of His children..learning that missionary doesnt meant u have to go abroad..but we are all missionary wherever we are..learned that taking care of children at home was a ministry..and taking care of elderly..listening to my grandpa pouring his heart out..pouring love to my nephew and nieces..see God is good..it was so hard to adapt..but finally it clear that He placed me where i needed to be..

wow..yeah the diploma n phd..no need that to serve the Lord..He just need my willing heart..and here i am.

[mlg]

And that sla is all He really needs from us for Him to use us to bring glory to His holy name. A willing vessel...and my sister we don't have to question whether or not we are worthy...because as we walk with God, He helps us to walk worthy of the vocation for which He calls us....

It's awesome to see you stepping forward sis. God is smiling.

luv ya

[Smiles]

Sweet Little Angel

Thank you so much for sharing. WOW!!!! It's Saturday morning and I logged on just briefly to look for any prayer needs, etc. I saw this post and read it and WOW!!! I simply began to rejoice in the Lord and to praise Him.

You are so right, God's timing is amazing!!! He indeed is an awesome God. He is all-powerful and all-mighty. He does love us so much. Last week PhantomFaith shared a Scripture during one of the studies that NOTHING can separate us from the love of God - it's one of my favorite Scriptures. The enemy tries so hard to tell us that we are unworthy of God's love or that God doesn't really love us. But God is love and His Word affirms His love for us.

Thank you again for your message of praise and commitment.

God Bless You!

Smiles

[deetu]

Woo Hoo!
Being an open conduit for God is amazing. You don't even have to think because Holy Spirit will give you the words. It's great.
Like you said, you just have to be willing and you are.
You are going to love this study!

[sweetlittleangel]

Dear mlg sister thank you so much for your reply. I ve missed ya! Yes..God is smiling the whole day yesterday and today..before i posted yesterday..one leg is outside the door and the other leg is inside..and my heart is with the inside leg..with my human understanding..this cudnt be real..but something inside me that is powerful..just like a bottle of overflowed jelly..u cant stopped it by your strength..and wud naturally overflowed..u urself cannot stopped it..its just flow and flow..
Something from the today's sermon at church....make me thinking..when he said..we need to renew and renew..because the enemy will also renew its strategy to attack, to deceive , to stray and the list go on..and which iv e experienced..i ve noticed that..once i get one step closer to the Lord..the enemy will attacked me harder and constantly..esp thru those who are near me..maybe that s what Paul meant by the thorn in life..yes it become a thorn in my life as well....today is..i was nearly get crushed by the unsensitive words...nearly get hurt..instead of wallowing in the mud..i stopped and still..listening to soft small voice..let it go...it can be hard when in the middle of fully aware of His purpose in ur life..and really wanting to serve the Lord..then whammm!.. something will always get in ur way..it make u froze for few moments..

wud like to share about self worth..that is another thing that God make me see..needed to be addressed..about few weeks ago..there was home fellowshipping at my house in the village..pastor and his family for home visit and to get to know each other better..each one of the family member wud share something about our background..like siblings and where we grow up..when it comes to my turn..do have anything to share...i said..hmmm..and longgg hmmm..since my dad was there..i suddenly mute..and like a glue put on my mouth..i ve been always like that...i prefer to keep silence and wud not say anything...i cudnt take the stares of rejection..that was happening times and times again up until now..his stares mean i shud keep my mouth shut and never say anything...even in fellowshipping! so mom speak up for me..telling them about where i grow up..where i studied..and my hospitalized experience..the pastor's wife says..dear..dun worry..God knows..eventho u are different than anyone else..God knows that..and then just before we prayed together..the pastor himself said to me..i wud like to say about self worth to u..u need to know that u are precious..God created u..thats mean u are precious..u are an apple of His eyes..i thankful to God that He give the pastor discernment to help me to realized i had a self worth issue.. yes..i wont let the enemy took my worth from me.. my worth is in Jesus.. He make me a new creation.. i am His child.. no one else cud love me like He do.. maybe this is a way He will get my attention, to let me know He is my ultimate Father..carrying me on His shoulder when i feel tired to walk..to let me know that He is the one i can cling on..

mom..is a lovely and wonderful person ..the one who backing me up...but i dunno..i tend to get bitter when she get bitter about things at home..i dun like it when mom trying to instill that bitternes inside my heart..once iv e already let things go and in state of peace..this is one the most difficult struggle i have to deal everyday at home..at one time..mom wud be wonderful..at one time..mom wud be bitter..at times over small things..i wish mom cud understand that..to serve others above the self is serving Him..sincerely..with all heart and with love...there was one time i told mom..even i suffered back pain from taking care of the house and rest of family member..i do those with all my heart because i think of their needs and of course because i love them..even its so hard to put it down on paper..of what i really felt about this matter..anyhow..i know God knows it..that give me comfort.

Smiles.. ur post really make me smile..smile..and smileeeeee. Just like as you are...thank you so much for words..it give me joy just as u are His angels is definitely rejoicing in heaven..because here at my place there is one soul who has rededicated his life to Jesus..just few weeks before he transferred to other workplace..in his testimony..as he said..once..he was an ego person and think himself higher than anyone else..but when he walked near the church one nite..his ears captured the song which was coming from the youth service..and it has touched his heart..and wanting to know more..he met the pastor here and they ministered to him..finally there he go..he knew from that moment..what was the different between his life before and after..he realized his life before this was nothing and meaningless..and never felt a great joy like after he commit his life to Jesus..when mom told me about this at the kitchen table..i was soooo joyful..and i can imagine all the angels in heaven are rejoicing..that was sooo wonderful..because u are given the shares to rejoice with them..it rekindle the fire inside me.. thanks for sharing smiles..yes no matter what happend..nothing can separate us from His love..


Thanks deetu for ur words of encouragement..u are right..just flow with the Holy Spirit..

[mlg]

Goodness...looks like God has been showing you much sis...and what is more is that you are hearing Him and listening and seeing how very important you really are to Him. Sometimes the enemy will try and knock us back from seeing ourselves as God does...as this gives the enemy a foothold to tear us down under self worth issues...but if we can see ourselves through God's eyes...then we realize just how wonderfully made we are.

Keep being a witness for the Lord sla. You mentioned that your mom becomes bitter at times...and tries to make you bitter as well...keep the peace sis...and be the Light for your mom to see that there is another way other than letting the enemy take over and make ya'll bitter.

luv ya sis

[sweetlittleangel]

ty God..for moving on to step 1..

pick up the cross and follow Him..that verse immersed so intense in my mind today. since we are in the world..but not of the world..picking up the cross means..we have to expect a lot of rejection from the world..even from our own family..that s what i ve experienced..indirectly..not that they tell it straight to my face..they dun understand that im spending time on the net..is not just sitting in front of the puter..but really seeking God and His will..fellowsheeping with others..really help me to see it clear and clear..where His spirit flow and flow..i just need to soak it in like a sponge..tho i may not see yet what is He trying to show me..it make me so passionately and deeply want to follow where He leads me..yes about talents...thru other people He make me see another talents that i ve never expected in my life..a way to reach people and lead them closer to God...writing..long ago when i was asking for His purpose in my life...aw i shud ve known..i heard small voice..i wants u to write..but i was uncertain and like this..woaa :O and then someone told me..u shud be a writer..because i really enjoy ur writing..as if i being there..woah..it is still developing. and i cannot do it alone..thru me..im trusting He can..been thru so much..and learn things from them..make it easier for me to share and write about them..for the sake of His other children..now that make sense..i was clueless before..

[mlg]

Awww sla, sometimes we don't see our talents and gifts until we begin to ask God to show us and teach us to use them. Then once we lean on Him to guide us in the use of them...we can see glory being brought to His name time and time again. The key is to remain humble and know that it is Him and not us.

luv ya sis

[sweetlittleangel]

woahh step 2... who am i?

took some time to chew and chew.. yet i have lots in mind to put it down on paper.

yes..it was not complicated actually about who i meant to be..just simply focus on Jesus..like a laser light..i like it when it mentioned..when u being kind on people around..it will make u kinder the next time around..yes i ve tried it..at home..serving my family and doing the house chores sincerely..without disputing..it indeed affected those who were around..it not only give a great joy to myself..but to them as well..i understand there..love language..that is..sometimes dun need to be said..but to act on it..even it might sacrifice your time..your energy..your listening ears..well..love is about serving others above the self. yes..being somebody's else something was actually to bring His glory..but that was not enuff..there s something more..and it all make sense now..doing things for the sake of His other children that is..to have a Christ mind like..thank you for now i get better understanding..really represent Him..with what left in me..what i already have..to make impact for God..as He said..let your light shine..i asked Him to develop what i ve just understand, ve just showed me, ve just discovered, welll..all me..to used to reflect Him and His character. that verse of..He will use the weak things of the world to confound the wise..that gave me strength all this while and to motivate me to rise and soar above all else in the world. im not proud of what i ve done in the past..yet im thankful for the things i ve been thru in life..even those happend because of the poor choices in life..it make me who i am today..haaa God you so Good! i really want He helped me to use my talents to reach and to touch others!

yes i cannot change who i meant to be. i am a child of God.. to reflect Him.

i was watching mulan movie yesterday..and one of the soundtrack really touched my heart..

Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day, is as if I play apart
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I can not fool
My heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now
In a world where I have to
Hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that i'm
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
There's a heart that must
Be free to fly
That burns with a need
To know the reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that i'm
Someone else
For all time
When will my reflections show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflections show
Who I am inside?

there was times i feel like this..being somebody s else..but not anymore..im asking Him..when will my reflection show..who i really meant to be..

[sweetlittleangel]

i like the study on step 3..

about the world.. yes im in the world but not of the world..

ohh..that tv..really a successful tool which has been using by the enemy to posion the mind with the sweetness temporal promises..without knowing it..slowly and his effortlessly trick seems to be working...when we dun put our mind on guard..i learned to understand that now..and it make sense. it is very sad to see those you love around you..choose not to aware of the enemy's trick and trap..because once u are in it..it took time to get out from there..took time to realize that u have gone too far..even beyond reached..then u know that only Him who can stretch His hand to grab you from that pit of darkness and thankful for His grace and mercy..always the same..the choice is ours.

clothing..hmm..it hurts to see His children soaking in the worldly trends..in order to be accept by the world..which give them temporary satisfaction..i know..it hurts Him too..

renewing the mind..that is very essential in spiritually walking..pulling the unwanted seeds and weeds..and replacing it with the truth..again now that make sense..and im excited to do that..for the sake of my garden..im one of those who live thru the musics..it kept me centered..it refilled my spirit..when my spirit is drained of energy..He refuel me with His love..peace..and joy..

miracle chart..last time..i was being inconsistent in practicing it..and since He showed me few things..thru the motions i went thru..im going to restart that again..flowing with His Spirit...soaring again..

[mlg]

sla, I just love to see how you soak up each step of this study. God has great things planned for you in service to Him...can't wait to see it all come about.

luv ya

[sweetlittleangel]

good afternoon..

thank you mlg! yes, ^_^ there s something wanting to come out..but i dunno what it is..its feel like expanding balloon..waiting to burst.

i love it this morning..it was coldd brrr...waking up by the birds came knocking at the bedroom windows..tock, tock, tock. sounds they wanted to get in they are all around my house today..maybe cause by the cloudy whether..happyy to see birdy birdy today.

peer pressure..i ve read this step a while ago.. now that it make sense.. not only it will come in term of friends but also from your own family as well..
yes it was tough..when my family dun understand my faith..indirectly the enemy often often used them to tear me down..by their words...it was sometimes like a huge..stumbling block that fell on my path..struggling with that..where all i have to do was..to be still..let the Lord Himself ministered my broken heart..as i soaking His strength..analyzing where those come from..concealing it with the Truth..it take lot of work..yes i understand that..love all but not the evil things of the world. and thank you for the reminder..to bless and pray for those who persecuted you..reading of those apostles..when they rejoice in the tribulation..really inspiring and comforting..yes..the more i get close to the Lord..the more the enemy rise the heater temperature...in every way he cud...i may fall..but i wont give up..i ll move and move..

as for friends..yes..they was on my housemate when i was in uni..expectiing everyone to believe what she believe...even to do what she expected..it was not easy..it really steal the peace and joy...but thanks God..i get out from there eventually..woaa i realized now..He always give a way of escaping..especially when u cannot see a way out..only by the grace of God..i made it thru...when i look back,,i was in an abusive relationship.

woaaa..we are becoming the bride of Jesus.. i like that. yes i understand some are meant to be single because they can focus on Him alone and not of the things of the world..they who are those will have a lot time to represent and glorifying Jesus..and i understand that..God has already prepared a soulmate for those who are meant to be married..all they have to do are trust..patient..rather than being in the wrong relationship.. for sure..one will know when the right one come along..as He will let u know.