Christianity Oasis Forum

[mlg]

Hey arken...good to see you here. As I read your shared words...I see how the enemy is trying to drag you down...but I also see how God is working for you as well...God is showing you the righteous path...and He is showing you a way out of the temptation.

I do want to suggest that you keep yourself from walking into temptation...by placing yourself around Godly people. We have a chatroom here at the Oasis...come here and makes some friends...this will be good for you and help you when temptation tries to drag you elsewhere.

Praying for you still.

luv ya

[arken1]

I think I missed 2 days this time. Just been busy.

So far, so good. No porn. Honestly, no desire for it. Isn't that amazing you can be addicted to something for.... gee, at least 10 years, and then you ask for prayer and God gives you a Lysol Wipe to clean all the gunk out of your head? God has some good stuff! THANKS GOD! I just have to remember to keep my head cleaned out and not let garbage in.

Speaking of keeping bad stuff out of my head, I have not been able to count the number of gay-related stuff I have found on Facebook. Actually, this is all kind of weird and creepy, because just all of a sudden I have noticed this. So far I have mentioned, I think 2 friends or friends-of-friends who have gay indicated in their profiles. Well, one of my female friends status the other day was "<some name> admitted to being Gay today, now I have a shopping buddy!" This is wrong for me on 2 levels: 1. She feels as though it's a good thing that her friend has fallen into this trap. And let me tell you, it hasn't been a picnic all these years. I'm glad I never got to the point where I announced to the world "OK, I give up, Satan wins. Hey everyone, I am a homosexual!" And definitely don't want to celebrate it after that. 2. It makes it seem OK and it sends that subliminal message (to me) that I will eventually have to accept it.

My theory here is that, and I think God says something really similar to this, a homosexual relationship will be deprived of what he has intended. Eventually, it will just fall apart, because it isn't held together by God's designed emotional/physical bond. I really can't say I know of or have heard of any successful gay couples.

So let me mention a positive thing I saw on Facebook. Another friend (just a classmate once, not really a friend-friend) who did state he was gay, now appears to like "men and women" and almost appears to have a girlfriend !? Unfortunately, he is Buddhist, so I'm not sure how to relate this phenomenon to God. I suppose God could be trying to reveal himself to him by showing him clarity of mind - who knows, maybe he prayed to the Christian God despite claiming to be Buddhist? Anyway, this seems to be an overall good thing. And frankly, it is inspiring to me.

I can't say I haven't had temptation, but I can still say I have not given into it, and they are probably 10% as many as there were before I started counseling.

[mlg]

One thing you have to know my friend is that the enemy is not limited...see if you look around at the world and all the evil things Satan has done to pull people into his little traps...and how few are learning about God as few seem to be sharing Him and His Truth these days...so it's become very easy for people to be overtaken by the lies of the enemy...you mentioned you've seen this and that on facebook...well I have to say...those are all people the enemy is grabbing hold of and tempting them into the sinful depths of darkness....that's why it's so important that we ask God to search us and cleanse us of our iniquities so that we can then go and shine the Light so many of these lost and hurting souls need to see and hear.

Keeping working and pushing forward.

luv ya

[arken1]

Some notes for today: I allowed myself to forget to ask God to perish sexually immoral thoughts. I allowed myself to visualize myself in a time where I finally give up and just become a lonely, celibate homosexual. That was a scary vision. I pray that I never have that thought again for the rest of my life.

I decided to search for an article that I had heard about a while back, but never seriously read it.

(Google: Michael Glatze) This is about a 30-year old male (older than me) who spent 16-years as a "homosexual". His descriptions are very similar to mine, in that he felt it was lust and pornography. He finally connected with God on the subject and cleansed his mind of the garbage. He describes the feeling as something he never thought he'd feel. Let me tell you, my first week on this site gave me that same feeling. I began talking to God differently, and I know 1.5 weeks without porn and my improved communication with him on this topic are getting Him excited about my spiritual growth. YES God I am moving forward, finally, just like this Gay Rights Leader did. God, that is so inspiring, and I can relate to it so well.

(Google Clay Cane. I am referencing a blogspot article) This is a 50-year old woman who was in a 29-year relationship with another woman. There is some scientific mentionings in this one, that it "may be possible" to change to a heterosexual, or vice versa
Well, of course that's not the happy ending. I know God is the happy ending, but there many people with counter-statements that this person was not "really homosexual" and all this. There is another great, similar story from a woman here, but this article seems to attack the woman's Christianity after the interview, and it denounces religion altogether.

Anyway the things I am learning from reading these are: Satan is beatable; Satan wins in terms of Science and the view humanity has of homosexuality; and God wins in saving you from any situation you bring to him.

Edit: oops, forgot we can't post links here and they are now deleted. Anyway, just Google

[mlg]

Amen...God will always win...and Satan is the looser...it is written...He can't win.

Remember to pull those weeds when the thoughts pop in your mind...trying to stray you from the Truth...don't give them consideration at all...pull them out immediately by calling upon the Lord...when Satan comes knocking send Jesus to answer the door.

My prayers are with you.

luv ya

[Dora]

arken you're doing fabulous. I Love watching the Holy Spirit work with in you.

Saying a prayer for you.

[arken1]

Thanks all for the support. I'm glad I have prayer behind me, because I need it.

Today was the worst day I have had since I started the counseling. I had sexual urges today that I couldn't shake. I prayed right in the middle of work, probably 3 times today, for God to destroy these thoughts. Fantasies entered my mind. Not even heterosexual fantasies. Additionally to the sexual urges, I felt this rush of thoughts along with them that I will NEVER be able to have normal, heterosexual urges, and they will always be with me. And finally, I heard voices that God isn't real, and I'm just wasting my time fighting this. What's bad this time is that I listened; however, I was able to shake them off.

Now back to yesterday's entry where I talked about some articles of a woman and a man who just up and left homosexuality. Michael Glatze - not much to say about him. I honestly have this feeling that he wasn't truely homosexual, but just had issues that made him "think" he was. I don't want to get into huge debates about it, unless there is another homosexual reading this, then they can post (or PM me) about their experiences. The *interesting* article for me is about a Lady named CHARLENE COTHRAN, which you can find the article by googling claycane and then searching for her name. She was in a lesbian relationship for like 29 years. Here's the big word I want to point out and focus on in this journal: she said she Loved her gay partner. I honestly can't say that it's not possible to love a same sex person - I don't know one way or the other. But she seems very clear and certain that she loved this woman. Now is that far fetched? No, it isn't. You can Love someone regardless whether you're sexually attracted to them. Dad's love their sons, and it has nothing to do with sex. So I believe this woman, who obviously, from reading her interview, is a Christian.

Here's my point, I have never in my life been in love with a man. This is one of the only things I like about the history of my struggle. I have somehow been tapped by Satan in the sexual attraction part, but not the love part. I can't even visualize loving a man or being around one. At the same time, I have always been emotionally attracted, and dare I say in love, with several girls. Can anyone explain why this might happen? I mean, I guess Satan can do whatever he wants to attack us. Maybe this is where God's promise "not to let us be tempted beyond what we can handle" kicked in. I mean if I was 100% physically/emotionally attracted to men, I may have never wanted God to remove it from my life.

What I like about Ms. Cothran is this: she is still battling homosexuality; she notes that she expects more temptation for women from Satan; and admits that God must do this. Folks, my body is physiologically attracted to men. My left brain, right brain, frontal cortex, and all those other brain parts that I don't know what are called ARE NOT attracted to men. But somewhere in there, Satan reprogrammed 1 tiny piece which makes all the alarm go off for the wrong gender. God has to put it back, but he wants me to prove my faith first. I just hope this doesn't take too long.

Let me leave you with this. I'm assuming most of you are straight. Visualize yourself being attracted to the same sex. Isn't that hard? You can't make your body react to them can you? (That's good, for you anyway). Now imagine that God made you to be attracted to them and despises you being with the opposite sex. (Again, this is so I can get you to relate). This is how I feel, and so many others that battle this. I dare say you have no idea how hard this is/will be for those of us in this fight.

[Dora]

arken what come to mind was how you will be able to lead others into truth as you discover it yourself. Is that not awesome. God is amazing.

[mlg]

arken...I think that it may not be possible fore people to be in the exact same shoes as another if they are not being tempted by the same sins...but I can say that all of us are sinners and the only way to salvation is through God's grace...and even though our temptations may be different...we all have them and we all fight the same fight daily...the fight against darkness....and I can say that I know how hard that fight can be if you try to get through it alone...that's why you need to get as close to God as you can...because all things are possible with God...and that includes overcoming whatever it is you struggle with most.

luv ya

[arken1]

Did really good today as far as controlling urges and thoughts. One thing I did do today and I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not, but think it's probably a negative thing, is I did some more research on the brain structures of homosexuals. To summarize what I've read, Simon LeVay noticed that most (but not all) homosexuals who died from AIDS had a certain part of the brain responsible for sexual desire that was smaller than heterosexual men and any women who had AIDS in the study. It's not certain, but it's possible that there is biological differences in homosexuals. At the same time, the study didn't find this in 100% of the cases.

So, is it against God's word to have studies like this, or want to read about them? I can't decide. Really, my faith should (and will) always override a scientific study. But what is science? It's the study of something that may be learned. We may learn some of what God has created, but I seriously doubt it's possible to learn it all.

Here's some really interesting research, and it's proven fact. Brains (ours and animals included) can change in size! Blind people's brains grow in one certain area to help them read Braille more easily. God made us very dynamic, for reasons I believe to allow us opportunity to change to be more like him. I find this fact very comforting, because it has been suggested that a person can change their "sexual orientation" and thus, the size of this certain part of the brain.

Again - I wish I wouldn't put any kind of faith in science, and only in God. But for what it's worth, God has enabled scientists to learn a little tiny bit of the brains he created for us. I guess if he didn't want us to know, then we wouldn't. Again, I know that God will be the one to change my brain, because I can't do it no matter how hard I grunt (believe me, I've tried)!!!

[mlg]

Hi arken,

I want to share 2 Bible Verses with you

I Timothy 6
20 O Timothy, keep that which is committed to thy trust, avoiding profane and vain babblings, and oppositions of science falsely so called:
21 Which some professing have erred concerning the faith. Grace be with thee. Amen.

Some use science by commit an error when it comes to faith...remember not all things are of God...the enemy uses people as well to make people believe that which is not true...and yes God does allow the enemy to do so...but it doesn't mean that it is of God.

luv ya

[arken1]

Day 12 - and honestly it's getting harder to write anything new. I think I keep going between a day or two where I feel that I have conquered this sin and then a day or two where it attacks me hard.

Today at church, our pastor answered a question asked by a member that said "I pray for God to change me and I'm still waiting". The scripture referenced was Phil 2:12-13 (NIV)...

12Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.

I think that's pretty clear that I won't be able to do this on my own. Really, I've always known that God would have to do it, but it just takes so much faith to abandon your view of your own sexuality and wait patiently on God to fix it.

Another scripture referenced this morning in reference to the question "Why did God put the tree of good and evil in the garden?" was Deut. 8. Reading this Chapter, I really felt a connection with my current situation. " Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you. " God is disciplining me, and testing my faith. I honestly feel that if I can break through this test, that I will have proved my faith to God. I wonder if God has something so radical planned for my life, that he is testing whether I will be faithful to a 10 year addiction to pornography, a lifelong sin of homosexual feelings, or to Him. I am choosing Him. I want to see what's at the finish line, Lord. I want to get to the end of my life and see you smiling and welcoming me without having to point out any points in my life where I messed up the BIG plans. I know that's not quite achievable (after all, I've messed up for this long), but I want to be as close as possible to that goal.