Christianity Oasis Forum

[Ditto]

These people (my Family) my mother, my grown children...they HURT me DEEPLY as I never knew was possible or come from such a tight knit loving family I believed all my life I have and was raised in...

I feel that I NEED them to Know, how deeply they wounded me, but confronting them; again..after I allowed it all to be swept under a rug is probably just gonna cause more hurt and unforgiveness...BUT...I feel that for me to heal, I need them to realize how deeply they hurt me, how they put conditions on their love towards me...come on my MOTHER

I don't know if writing these things down, these hurts I am holding in will do me any good....I just dont know..so here I am one of those who get stuck on step 4 *sigh*

Love in Jesus
me
J.C.

[momof3]

Ditto, sis...sometimes they dont even know they have hurt us..and if they do, the justify it in some way. We all want to know that they feel remorse for what they have done. truth is, they may never feel it..and that, dear sister, is between them and the Lord. Right now, you have to let the Lord heal you. He's the only one who can touch those deep wounds, even if those we love would apologize and recognize the deep seated wounds they've inflicted.

I know this is gonna sound a lil corny, but hear the spirit in it. i read a book recently that set my on my butt. ask yourself this..if you had to choose 2 of your children and judge them to be sent to hell for what they have done, which ones would be judged? Which ones would be forgiven? You have to release them from the grips you hold around their necks. This doesnt mean what they have done is right, it just means that you will give up what holds you in this prison and give the control and pain to God, who is their judge and is just in His judgment. Let it go, sister. Let go and let God work.

i love you, sis. and am praying for you and your family. Let Him ease this pain. Give it and them to Him. They are His, too..and He has a plan through all of this.

in Jesus,
love momo

[Tam]

Ditto something someone taught me to do to those who hurt me whom I think would hurt me more by going to them was to make a list of all the hurts that they have done to me, place an empty chair in front of me and sit down and talk to them as if they were sitting there. Ask them whatever it is you need to and then tell them that you forgive them.
It worked some for me and then later I was able to face them and to ask for forgiveness. Because of God having some time to prepare my heart, It made it all a whole lot easier for me to face them and do.
Keep pressing in sis, You can do this.
I believe in you
Love ya
Tam

[Dora]

Hello Ditto sis. If you can confront them and not care of their response then I would say do so if you can in love. If them sweeping it under a rug is going to hurt you, then I'd say find forgiveness with out them showing remorse.

I struggle with forgiving someone who hurt me badly. Oasis said something in church last night that turned a light on for me. It was about humbling yourself before God and leaving room for His revenge by forgiving. At least that was my take on what was said.

I realized this man who is terrible evil makes me look like near perfect. But when I compare myself to Jesus I look as evil as this man. I hope you can find some healing in the words shared here today.

I love you dearly.

[mlg]

Hey ditto...I see you questioning the steps...you mention how you don't know if writing down will help you...the thing is that we know we have to believe to receive...so if you believe writing them down will help you then it WILL...

Ditto...my mother hurt me very badly at one time too...and it was very hard to forgive her at that time...but I have because I love her...but I also sat down and told her how badly the things she did had hurt me...because I felt we needed to clear the air...but once I told her and then forgave her...it's now all been put away...and we don't have to cross that bridge anymore...now we have love where once there was hurt. I pray you and your family can get to this place as well...Love is beautiful and Love will come your way.

luv ya sis

[Ditto]

been there and done that with most of what hurts so bad

it ain't helped

I don't want this life I live anymore

if I could just leave my kids, to whomever, however and know I as a person (mother) can heal by not having the responsibilities....than maybe....just maybe, I'll be more than OK...once again

I have no Joy and without His Joy...I have NOTHING

Thanks for your words of love and trying to help

trippin' over myself

Julia

[mlg]

I wonder how the Biblical mothers must have felt at times....how they must have struggled at times raising their children...wanting the best for them yet watching them do things that hurt or even more their children not doing things they should have...

See our children and our families are not really ours...they are God's...and God bestows them upon us because He knows that we will do our very best to raise and nurture them....but in the end...we all still belong to God...and sometimes we have to ask God to intercede and take a step back...

My prayers are with you sis....All things work for the Glory of God...Hold on sis.

luv ya

[Dora]

Ditto
All I can do is try out of love and pray.


Leaving wont heal this sis.
Because it's not pain caused from a human but from the enemy.
Leaving may relieve certain stress but the pain will still be there.
It has to be healed and you know the way is through Jesus.

Jesus forgave us when we were sinners. We were knee deep in sin and he forgave us. To give back to Him by forgiving others before they ask for forgiveness is a blessing. I'll bring a smile to your face and joy to your heart.

Difficult? Yes! But with God it's not impossible.

love you much

[deetu]

That is true, forgiving without expecting someone to ask for that forgiveness is hard but so freeing. That is the burden you carry.

God had me go through a walk where the church didn't believe me, didn't trust me. I was a brand, new baby Christian that should have been lead instead, my zeal made them judge me. And God wouldn't release me from that church. He would give me Scripture, he had me volunteer at the hospital, helping others to keep me uplifted.
I forgave them instead of getting bitter. I would ask God to bless them and help them. They needed it more then I needed their apologies. I reached a point where I didn't take offense.

Taking that stuff you swept under the rug, throwing it out and continuing forward will free you.

[Guest]

i dont know you but i wanted to say i am sorry for your pain and hope God helps you through this time in your life

labyrinth

[Dora]

Just stopping by to check on you Ditto, sister. Wondering how you are doing. Hope to hear from you soon. You're on my heart and in my prayers. Love you.

[TonyTree]

In the course of my healing from severe physical, emotional and sexual abuse as a child, I've found that at times I can still cry but not from what was done to me...I forgave my family and let that go...but for the ignorance of people who still do those things to the precious children. How we overcome is by doing what you're doing...go through the steps, ask God to remove the pain, and then keep applying the salve of grace to all the scars that painfully flare up whenever there's a change in the weather (ie. anything that brings back painful memories). From the time you get up,ask our Father to be with you as you deal with today's issues...He loves you so much. Carry yourself with the grace of God, and when you need to cry, cry here, because here, you are loved and accepted.