Finding Your Life Partner

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Finding Your Life Partner

Welcome to Christianity Oasis Purity Publications. This E-book is titled Finding Your Life Partner by Author Samuel Junoi Samuel. Christianity Oasis in association with Purity Publications proudly presents you with this Finding Your Life Partner E-Book free of charge for your enjoyment.

© Samuel Junoi Samuel, 2016
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Table of Contents

1. In Need of a Partner
      • What Happens When You Wait?
      • How Do You Know Your Life-partner?
2. An Unbearable Truth But So Rare
      • Not Everyone Are Destined to Marry
      • When We Struggle to Marry
      • Words Are Also Important
3. Obstacles to Marriage
      • With God All Things Are Possible
      • Remember This!
4. Are You Planning a Divorce?
      • Your Roles - Husband
      • Your Roles - Wives
      • Handling Tough or Simple Situations

Part I

Chapter 1

In Need of a Partner

Every family on earth 'll always grow to produce couples in the future. This isn't a decision which was initiated by man but God. It was God who commanded that, '...a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh' - Gen. 2: 24; Matt. 19: 5. He had a very great plan for humanity which he was fulfilling in every generation. He didn't want the man to be alone (Gen. 2: 18, 21-24). He had a plan to have him inseparable from his wife, so both would be life-partners, going through pain, happiness, joy and sorrow together.

Most women often marry because they need someone, a life-partner whom they could share all their life burdens, worries, happiness, pain and joy with. Gracefully, some had their wish fulfilled but some haven't even become married, in spite of their growing age. Such questions like 'why is God not answering my prayers?' 'I have done the best I can, fasted and fasted but I am not finding someone to propose to me. What have I done wrong?' Then, some begin to give up and begin an immoral life just to make them forget their situation.

(Please if you're also going through such situations, I plead with you to take heart. God loves you more than you can ever fathom and of course, he needs you to marry. Sometimes, what you need is just to WAIT.)

What Happens When You "Wait"?

Some believers today don't believe in waiting on God for the needs which they pray to him about. Nothing takes God by surprise. He knows them even before they happen. He hasn't forgotten that you aren't married, and you can trust him that he won't overlook it too. However, it's best when you 'wait'. There are some reasons why you ought to wait -

1. God knows your future and the kind of persons which we are. He knows that if we get married through our self based will, suddenly the one we're married to begins to maltreat us, we would still come to blame him. As a servant, son or daughter who has willed himself/herself to God, you ought to commit such need to him and have him guide you.

2. He mayn't need you to marry at the time which you think you should. And if you put him in a hurry, you're sure sometimes to end up like the Israelites who had food in their mouths when God's judgment came upon them. But we shouldn't expect him to act that way every time.

3. Because of his loving kindness toward you, he prevents you from suffering unnecessarily when you surrender to his will. He needs you to remain at the centre of his will, even in moments of necessary suffering.

In every part of life, if there's any must-ask issue, it ought to be marriage. Eleazar, Abraham's servant, found it wise to inquire of God before he began his journey to find a good wife for Isaac. Of course, God guided him to her (Gen. 24: 7, 12-14, 45, 50, 56). Others were also used to confirm it as they believed that it truly was God who had guided Eleazar's feet to them.

Therefore, what then happens when you wait? In those moments of waiting on God, he would begin preparing you for the wonderful roles which you would need to carry out in your home. These lessons/roles could be based on 'submission' to authority (husband); respect and real love which ought to exist between man and wife; how you ought to talk to your wife or husband; the way you need to gently present matters to him or her; the way you ought to take good care of your children and your man or wife, and also help them on the godly path; dealing with your interactions between yourself and your neighbors or relatives; respecting your boundary as a wife or husband; how you ought to spend money and the way you need to manage your home, and many more. You don't know how good this may seem but you can be sure that your family, marriage, or home is the exact place where you can begin knowing yourself as you really are. This process would begin even before and after your marriage. Also be aware that all those things which you need to learn about the responsibility and authority that arises when you become married can only be learnt as you continue to follow God daily and have him guide and teach you everything you need to know (Jn. 16:13). Those teachings which you will learn are direct lessons which generally continue even after you get married. Don't expect it to end just there! Why should it? It's in preparation for a real life.

How Do You Know Your Life-Partner?

The desire or longing to become married isn't enough. You ought to know your life-partner. Who does God want me to get married to? Whom does he want me to serve as a helper? Let God guide me to the right person.

Have you thought something through? Do you think you can find your answers through the suggestions of men? Have you checked yourself to know whom you first go to in order to lay your request?

These questions must be asked by you before you even talk about anything else. Some who need to get married first go to man, asking him to pray for them or to ask God in order to know which one they ought to marry. This may look helpful but I can tell that it's not completely beneficial. Go to God first before meeting anyone else. It mayn't even be necessary to have men guide you in such a matter. If you go to a mature believer who had been trained in God's school, he won't point a person for you to marry. Instead he would guide you back to God for him to properly guide you in his own way.

The more you seek God above your need, the further he'll unveil more plans which you haven't even asked for to you. What he needs is your confidence in him, because he's not only concerned about your happy moments but also the moments when you go through pain.

1. First, go to Jesus directly in a simple prayer, presenting your request to him. However, remember that you mustn't let your pain overthrow your relationship with him.

2. Don't pester God for your need but just keep loving and living in faith that he's heard you. He heard Daniel's simple prayer the very first day (Dan. 9:22-23) but his faith was strong even when he didn't get the reply quickly. He heard Hannah's prayer that very moment (I Sam. 1:12-18). He also listened to Abraham's servant's prayer that very minute (Gen. 24:12-14). So don't try to imagine that he won't answer yours!.

3. Don't keep anyone in mind as the one whom you want because God may try to reach you but lack of discipline and concentration may serve as a stumbling block.

Chapter 2

An Unbearable Truth But So Rare

Several interesting things are bound to happen when your marriage is planned by God.

1. The person you married will be of a good nature and will also help you live encouraged in God

2. Your life-partner will understand matters so often so as to prevent arguments between you both. Arguments could serve as a tool to have marriages divided.

3. If God has called you into ministry, your life partner 'll stand by you no matter what you may go through.

4. Your marriage 'll reflect real love and friendship which has God at the centre

5. You, as a wife, 'll find yourself becoming more submissive to your husband.

However, beside all these which had been written pages back, you ought to know that not all persons are meant to marry. Yeah, this is so saddening but biblical teaching concerning marriage which one can find really hard to believe.

Not Everyone Are Destined to Marry

In this life, not everyone are destined to marry. Some are destined by God to but there are some who won't get married, for the sake of the kingdom. Therefore you ought to understand that you're not sinning if you choose not to marry (I Corinthians 7:8) nor is marriage a sin (1 Corinthians 7:1).

There are people who aren't meant to marry at all but these ones are very rare to find. If such people keep struggling to find a lifepartner, they sure will make a huge mess of themselves. They may become lost in this desire and knowingly or unknowingly drift away from what he thinks about them.

Nevertheless, you don't have to let someone decide for you if you really need to marry or not. God knows his plans for you, so go to him. Humans can misguide but God can't. Your feelings and other impressions can misguide you but he can't. This doesn't mean that those feelings and impressions aren't needed. They're needed because the Spirit may use them to guide you. Sometimes, we may feel we never may marry but that's just a feeling. While it's a feeling, it could be of big help or supply us bigger loss.

In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul was on both sides - agreeing or refusing to - which means that it required freedom of choice not absenting God's wisdom. In I Cor. 7:1, Paul explained that it's "good" for a man not to touch a woman, which he made clear that all he was saying wasn't to be taken as a new command but something in way of permission. The grace to marry or not to have been given to all men.

It's a matter of choice not absenting the will of God based on what he's planned for us. Paul used the word, 'good' in vs. 1, but didn't use the word, 'compulsory' which imply that the word 'good' means something 'beneficial' but not everyone can accept it. It isn't a command that you ought not to marry nor will anyone crucify you if you don't. To 'marry' is a great blessing which God gives anyone, and it consists of a true life-partner who will be with us in our moments of pain and laughter for life. Paul still used the word, 'good' in vs. 8 which in the real sense indicate that it is 'beneficial' not 'compulsory' for the unmarried and widows to be unmarried.

Therefore, you can see that marriage is also a matter of choice but also a great blessing which God has blessed the earth with. It's him who blessed the man with a wife for them to become man and wife. Jesus taught in Matthew 19:9-12 about marriage. However, there's the part (vs. 12) which expatiates more on eunuchs: those who were born eunuchs from the womb; those who were made so by men; those who made themselves so for the kingdom of God. These live on earth today - some have been born that way without the opportunity to marry. For these ones, it's their destiny! It wasn't decided by anyone but God. Those who refuse to marry for the sake of the kingdom did this out of free will, not coercion. They only want one thing to attend: doing Father's business.

Paul talked about this in his letter:

My desire is to have you free from all anxiety and distressing care. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord--how he may please the Lord; 33But the married man is anxious about worldly matters--how he may please his wife-- 34And he is drawn in diverging directions [his interests are divided and he is distracted from his devotion to God]. And the unmarried woman or girl is concerned and anxious about the matters of the Lord, how to be wholly separated and set apart in body and spirit; but the married woman has her cares [centered] in earthly affairs--how she may please her husband (1 Corinthians 7:32-34).

He said the reason for saying that:

Now I say this for your own welfare and profit, not to put [a halter of] restraint upon you, but to promote what is seemly and in good order and to secure your undistracted and undivided devotion to the Lord (vs. 35).

In this verse, there are two important phrases:

• "for 'ur own good"
• "Not to restrict you"

Both of these points us toward free will.

When We Struggle to Marry

You don't need to struggle in order to get married. All you need to do is trust Jesus and let him have his way. The more you struggle, the further you may make errors. It doesn't take God a second to guide a good husband to you or wife to you. What you need is WAIT on him!

Words Are Also Important!

Think about this! If you had been asking God for someone's hand in marriage and you heard the following as an answer: Not Yet; No; Yes, please don't jump into conclusion and begin telling everyone whatever you think he might be saying.

First consider those words,

1. When God says 'Not Yet': He doesn't mean NO. There's a difference between No and Not Yet. Therefore, don't go tell everyone: God said I shouldn't marry. Did he really say that? He said, WAIT!
2. When God says 'No': This is an answer that depends on the nature of our question. Questions like: Lord, do you want me to marry? may take a NO or YES or even a NOT YET. However, we can agree that such question rarely get a NO. But when we have someone in mind, our question could be, Lord, do you want me to marry Jake? Lord, do you want me to marry Donna? Such questions may take a Yes or No depending on Father's plan for you. If he says NO, then ask further: Lord, if not him/her, then who?

Note a problem: One problem which we usually fail to avoid is the error of telling everyone: 'God said this!' 'God said that!' I have made those mistakes myself and I know how painful it gets to be when I notice I shouldn't have said anything. However, if God guides you to tell someone, don't fail to do so, but be sure he's the one who's doing the guiding.

Chapter 3

Obstacles to Marriage

There could be obstacles leading to slowness in finding a marriage partner. This could be because of our past mistakes, present +errors or worries. Anything could do but all that matters is committing everything to Jesus, presenting your worries, errors to him to take care of.

If one must have committed immorality in the past when he wasn't married, it may take time before he finds a life-partner who accepts his past. God is big enough to bring him one but he must first forgive himself just as he believes God has forgiven him.

Immorality is most times an obstacle in the lives of many as they may have a child from the mistake committed. Please note, that child isn't a child of mistake but a blessing. When you see that child as a result of mistake, you hardly will forgive yourself but when you see that child, though, born because of your mistake, as a real blessing, you'll begin to know the Joy of living blessed in the present. Your heart will be free to embrace Father's forgiveness and find his love in those broken parts of your life.

Since your mind becomes occupied with his love, expect him to take care of your present situation of search for a life-partner. On a certain day, he may bring you to discover whom you need to marry. It may occur when your spiritual life is growing or when it still seem almost dry. This life-partner of yours will take the responsibility of helping you out of your dreary past to embrace God's love in the present. He could even be the one to help you see God's love in your past.

Trust God to give you to someone who's willing to embrace your past, your child who was born out of your past days (before marriage days) and also accept you the way you are.

With God All Things Are Possible

Just hold to him each day and let nothing hold you back. You may be in need of a mother/wife who is capable of caring for your children. Or you may be in need of a man for your children whom they may call, 'father'. This may because you're a widow or widower and are knowledgeable of the risk involved in single parenting.

Really, it's hard to find men and women who would want to marry someone with child, but don't let that bother you. It's also one of the obstacles! Present it to God and he's big enough to touch the heart of the one he wants for you. When you get your need met, don't fail to thank him.

To God, finding someone who fits his plan in your life isn't impossible; he knows how to handle it. Such a person may need you for his children and you may need him/her for yours. God is great to connect two people together who are wanting to marry for the same reason: avoiding single parenting. In some other ways, he could guide someone to you who has heart for children. God works that out too even when you don't except it. Believe, sing to him!

Also, understand that this could be a reason why he had been letting you WAIT those times; to have you be a dad/mom to a family in need. Some moments like that too, you need not be greedy. What you need is to ASK God for what he wants, whom and when he wants you to marry. Don't try to do what you want. Trust him to do his will! He loves you!

Remember This!

One could go through these as part of an experience.

1. Difficult: Of course, you need to marry in order to have a family, children and a husband/wife whom you may equally share the reality of life with. It's true that about 0.1% are never destined to marry while about 99.9% are destined to marry. However, more than 50% don't marry the right persons while less than 50% do but only few get to live in the full reality of a happy married-life. You feel you're destined to marry, for your Heavenly Father will not let you remain sad for such small thing, a small need before his eyes.

   Therefore, you may pray and pray and it still looks very difficult to find someone, don't worry or hurry. Keep trusting God! He has the best plan!

2. Impossible: In a certain moment after it looks difficult, your age begins to rise into its forties, then you begin to wonder if God really exists. I'll tell you something: he does! It may sometimes look like God is your enemy or is silent, then the situation looks impossible.

   Remember, Abraham should have looked at himself and his wife's to discover how old they had grown. They didn't fail to trust God. The situation was sure looking impossible, yet God fulfilled his promise. God has been making promises in our lives even when we don't seem to realize it.

   Or have you forgotten Elizabeth and Zechariah? God answered them by giving them an anointed son. The situation looked impossible but God did his work.

3. Done: After it may seem like God is against you and isn't ready to help you, you may lose hope and try settle for your ability. Remember, our ability is always destructive. Nothing good works through our ability. Suddenly, God turns everything around. What would you do? God doesn't usually work the way we expect him to.

   He is the Reason why those circumstances look like nothing works. He works his best into us, changing us each moment.

   However, not everyone experience such prolonged years before marriage-life, for it's rare to find those who do but if your situation looks like the above, don't panic. Instead, keep trusting God, loving and listening. He's got the best plan!

Part II

This part is for those who are going through a hard time and finally concluded divorce a major option.

Chapter 4

Are You Planning a Divorce?

Here on earth, God has chosen to make up a good family out of every family. Most times, we don't just appreciate his good plans but try settle for our own ways in marriage, not caring about the big plans he has for our family.

A family oft go through these processes:

1. Birth of a child.
2. He/she grows to be a healthy man/woman ready for marriage.
3. We find good life partner for him/her who will be with him/her until the last breathe.
4. If they encounter quarrels among themselves, we try to settle it so this pact between them remains strong and continually grow to stand whatever comes against it in the future.

Most may not be as healthy as that but guess what? If they don't have a good life partner, there usually may be some things like these:

1. After they get married, they mayn't be so close again like those times they played the love game.
2. They may quarrel many times with each other, disrespect each other's feelings and even settle for divorce.

That's unimpressive! It makes God unhappy because such wonderful treasure given to you may not be cherished. Your marriage is the big gift he's given you and if you look at it like something dreary, you are bound to have a fight or divorce with your husband or wife. God never intended that a man and his wife should divorce. He knew the joy and happiness in that relationship and wants them to enjoy it.

Divorce makes things worse, destroys relationships and even create hatred between families, brothers and sisters and many others because of the wide disagreements which rises during such moments.

On whose side is the fault when we think of divorce?

I know families who keep arguing amongst themselves about whose side the fault is. I know the pain involved but who gets to think of the pain? The question every time shouldn't be the talk about 'whose fault?' but praying for ways to save the relationship. Fault-finding, blames on each other would make things worse and even result to the final part of breaking the relationship. Whose fault is it? The truth is the fault is on both sides when we keep asking that question.

You shouldn't be so concerned about each other's faults compare to the way we seek God's intervention in saving the relationship. And even if you are concerned about each other's faults, it would be for a good reason: to help each other see true love beyond the faults you make.

In every Christian marriage, the thought which should never come to mind is divorce. Suggesting such a thing may mean you both never loved each other. You're just together out of a coincidence or an accident and it may be an arranged marriage not done willfully.

However, as a married Christian, you have got challenges on your side. You're arranging a divorce forgetting you've got kids to take care of, who yearn for someone whom they may call 'papa or mama' and even if you've got none, don't you think divorcing one another isn't a good option? How does it make you look before God? What about the future and the pain involved? What about the children who may keep asking, Mom, where's/who's my dad? Will you be able to bear the consequences of what the future holds? If you decide to remarry after divorcing your wonderful husband, have you forgotten you're caught in adultery? And if you marry again, what will happen if the kids find out the truth about their real dad? If such incident cause you to break your relationship with your family, friends so they won't put a finger in it or help the situation, do you know the treasure you lose?

The reason why many seem to divorce their husband or wife is because there is no love and trust between them. Truth says it that it's better never to marry than to be divorced. I agree with that! Check yourself and ask: why is this marriage about to end in a divorce? Have I failed to play my role in any way? Have I spoken to my husband or wife in any offensive manner? Have I lived a life not worthy of the way Christ wants me to live so his love may also be part of my lifestyle? Is my husband or wife seeing his love in me?

Your Roles - Husband

Remember this: You may never know the value of what you have until you lose it. So it's better to know the value of your husband or wife no matter how good or bad they are.

• Love your wife with all your heart, then there will be true friendship in your marriage, more laughter, joy and happiness, longing to be with each other.
• Don't withdraw your body from your wife for the bible also encourages that you submit your bodies to each other (1 Cor. 7:3-5): The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights (goodwill, kindness, and what is due her as his wife), and likewise the wife to her husband. ⁴For the wife does not have [exclusive] authority and control over her own body, but the husband [has his rights]; likewise also the husband does not have [exclusive] authority and control over his body, but the wife [has her rights]. ⁵Do not refuse and deprive and defraud each other [of your due marital rights], except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves unhindered to prayer. But afterwards resume marital relations, lest Satan tempt you [to sin] through your lack of restraint of sexual desire. And that's true of the wife too. It's true that if the man deprives his wife of his body, it usually may lead to a quarrel. However, it may be a senseless reason.
• The husband should always remember his wife in everything especially things that concern her most.
• You should remember you aren't a fancy hubby but a God-given husband who's to serve as an encouragement to his wife at all times.

Your Roles - Wives

You're there to play a big role. You've been learning these for years when you're aware and when you're not: 'submission' to authority (husband); respect and real love which ought to exist between man and wife; how you ought to talk to your husband; the way you need to gently present matters to him; the way you ought to take good care of your children and your husband, and also help them on the godly path; dealing with your interactions between yourself and your neighbors or relatives; respecting your boundary as a wife; how you ought to spend money and the way you need to manage your home, and many more. You don't know how good this may seem but you can be sure that your family, marriage, or home is the exact place where you can begin knowing yourself as you really are.

• Spend most of your time growing close to your husband. Love him with all your heart, then there will be true friendship in your marriage, more laughter, joy and happiness, longing to be with each other.
• Submitting to him at all times both in body, finance, monthly earnings and others but if he insists that he can't handle everything alone, then say a YES to him. Two heads are better than one. That's why you're his helper to be available to him at all times.
• Hide nothing from him. When you do, you are making a mistake.
• Submit your body to him just as he submits his to you.

Handling Tough or Simple Situations

Truthfully, some usually think a tough problem, which is just too disgraceful should require DIVORCE but I will say they are wrong. The way we apply divine wisdom in small situations is the same way we apply wisdom in tough ones. If you've ever watched the "Married Again" (Punar Vivah) movie, you'll understand what I mean. No matter the tough situation, what matter's most is trusting God to help settle the problems.

But sometimes we are just over reactive and too demanding that what our spouse do for us is just not satisfying. We want him/her to satisfy us 100% before we know he's done something great. It's just not pleasant! In the process where God is trying to rescue us from the error we put ourselves in, we are heaping hotter ones and in the process, we blame him and our partner.

Instead of that, why not look beyond the hurt and have God guide you on how to settle the problem.

The summary of this is that you should look beyond the poor nature of your husband or wife, forget about the thought called divorce and see into his or her life as a real and better man or woman. Then you will see the kind of person he really is.

God bless you for spending time to read this book.

If you enjoyed this book and you feel it helped in one way or the other, tell the author how much it means to you. Reach Samuel at:

samueljunoi@hotmail.com

gijoe4christ@gmail.com

About the Author

Samuel is a 19 years old author of self-published e-books, born in Nigeria. He has authored over five books at smashwords and owns a blog on wordpress. To him, there's nothing more of fun like writing Christian books. His passion for Father's presence is one of most importance to him as he has helped several people through the net discover how much Jesus wants to be their Friend and how much the value in fellowship with him.

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