Overcoming Abuse: From study on May 30, 2008
Posted: Fri May 30, 2008 9:00 pmOvercoming abuse is like removing yourself from a spider's web.
After being subjected to the abuse, we may behave in certain ways and have no clue why. We may treat people harshly or in other ways that we never would have before and wonder "Where did that come from?". We may also feel cornered and angry and wonder "Why do I feel like this? There is no reason. Why do I behave like this?".
When you behave like this, you step back from the world and meditate on what happened. Perhaps keep a journal of the situation and your feelings. You may find a pattern which will eventually uncover the truth.
I had gone into a self-defense mode and responded with knee-jerk reactions. They had nothing to do with whoever I dealt with or whatever was happening. It was a conditioned behavior that I learned in the abusive relationship. It was behavioral patterns that were learned in order to survive.
When you step back and meditate on what happened, you may come to realize you are not under any threat. Not about to be called names, undermined, put down, or hurt. Think about how you could behave in a way that is more accepting rather than fearful.
Gradually, YOU will begin to master your emotions again. Occasionally, you will slip back into the old defensive mode. But the further along you go, the easier it will be for you to recognize the old knee-jerk reactions. When you recognize it, take a moment and then let it go. Eventually, those knee-jerks will stop coming.
We DO have the power to overcome abuse through determination and more importantly through love and faith in God. It is highly unlikely that you will ever forget it. But you can modify your thinking so that the past no longer controls your future.
Counseling is good tool. It doesn't even have to be a professional counselor. Just a good friend to talk to about things. Get it off your chest, get it out there.
How about this one? Spend an evening or weekend writing down what happened to you in your abusive relationship. It is an excellent way to vent and harms no one. It validates your feelings. It is quite therapeutic.
It is important to realize that you are not responsible for the abuse behavior of a person. Please stop feeling guilty, if you do. You have done nothing wrong. Each person has been given free will from God. We make our own choices. Abusers have the ability to control their actions. It is their own choice when they do not. So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God. Romans 14:12
Rather than thinking of it as "overcoming abuse", how about thinking of it as "rediscovering yourself"? Call friends that you haven't talked to since the abuse stage. Reconnect with them. Maybe you had a hobby that you stopped during the abuse stage. Try picking it up again or find a new hobby.
One thing about friends and family. Be careful who you associate with and listen to. A good friend will listen to you, care, and be encouraging. Your family should do the same. If they have a history of discouragement, are uncaring, and just won't listen, then perhaps it is time to sever ties. You may need to let them know you forgive them and love them, but you need to heal and build a healthy life. This is terribly difficult. It is horrible that you may have to make such a decision. It usually effects more than one person, especially if it is a family member. But think of your own emotional disposition. Weigh the pro's and con's. It is not that you are putting yourself first before friends and family, it is a matter of emotional health. If you cannot move past the abuse, your very own emotions could separate you from God. We don't want this. Our relationship with Him is vital. He is our salvation.
Life experiences are also a big help in overcoming abuse. As you build positive experiences, the good memories will increase and the bad memories will diminish. I have wonderful memories of just sitting on the back porch, watching the lake, listening to the wind blow through the trees, and enjoying the sun, clouds, and even the geese. It is one of my favorite things to do. Think of something you enjoy doing or people you enjoy spending time with. Then do it!
Luv you all soooooooo much
After being subjected to the abuse, we may behave in certain ways and have no clue why. We may treat people harshly or in other ways that we never would have before and wonder "Where did that come from?". We may also feel cornered and angry and wonder "Why do I feel like this? There is no reason. Why do I behave like this?".
When you behave like this, you step back from the world and meditate on what happened. Perhaps keep a journal of the situation and your feelings. You may find a pattern which will eventually uncover the truth.
I had gone into a self-defense mode and responded with knee-jerk reactions. They had nothing to do with whoever I dealt with or whatever was happening. It was a conditioned behavior that I learned in the abusive relationship. It was behavioral patterns that were learned in order to survive.
When you step back and meditate on what happened, you may come to realize you are not under any threat. Not about to be called names, undermined, put down, or hurt. Think about how you could behave in a way that is more accepting rather than fearful.
Gradually, YOU will begin to master your emotions again. Occasionally, you will slip back into the old defensive mode. But the further along you go, the easier it will be for you to recognize the old knee-jerk reactions. When you recognize it, take a moment and then let it go. Eventually, those knee-jerks will stop coming.
We DO have the power to overcome abuse through determination and more importantly through love and faith in God. It is highly unlikely that you will ever forget it. But you can modify your thinking so that the past no longer controls your future.
Counseling is good tool. It doesn't even have to be a professional counselor. Just a good friend to talk to about things. Get it off your chest, get it out there.
How about this one? Spend an evening or weekend writing down what happened to you in your abusive relationship. It is an excellent way to vent and harms no one. It validates your feelings. It is quite therapeutic.
It is important to realize that you are not responsible for the abuse behavior of a person. Please stop feeling guilty, if you do. You have done nothing wrong. Each person has been given free will from God. We make our own choices. Abusers have the ability to control their actions. It is their own choice when they do not. So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God. Romans 14:12
Rather than thinking of it as "overcoming abuse", how about thinking of it as "rediscovering yourself"? Call friends that you haven't talked to since the abuse stage. Reconnect with them. Maybe you had a hobby that you stopped during the abuse stage. Try picking it up again or find a new hobby.
One thing about friends and family. Be careful who you associate with and listen to. A good friend will listen to you, care, and be encouraging. Your family should do the same. If they have a history of discouragement, are uncaring, and just won't listen, then perhaps it is time to sever ties. You may need to let them know you forgive them and love them, but you need to heal and build a healthy life. This is terribly difficult. It is horrible that you may have to make such a decision. It usually effects more than one person, especially if it is a family member. But think of your own emotional disposition. Weigh the pro's and con's. It is not that you are putting yourself first before friends and family, it is a matter of emotional health. If you cannot move past the abuse, your very own emotions could separate you from God. We don't want this. Our relationship with Him is vital. He is our salvation.
Life experiences are also a big help in overcoming abuse. As you build positive experiences, the good memories will increase and the bad memories will diminish. I have wonderful memories of just sitting on the back porch, watching the lake, listening to the wind blow through the trees, and enjoying the sun, clouds, and even the geese. It is one of my favorite things to do. Think of something you enjoy doing or people you enjoy spending time with. Then do it!
Luv you all soooooooo much