Something I carried with me

[TMB]

I have never told anyone this. I have just recently even realized how much of a problem this was for me. I hope you read this and comment on it because I would like to know it has been shared.
Anyways, when I was in elementary school I was bullied. It was a couple guys that were mean to me. They were the "popular boys". One day we were sitting in a class room and the teacher was calling on people to answer questions. (I'd also like to add that the boys and girls were each on different sides of the room). I have ADD which I didnt know then, but I could never concentrate. The teacher called on me and I didnt even know the question so I couldnt answer. One of the boys that bullied me started chanting "C" and all the other boys joined in. The girls however, were trying to tell me the answer but I didnt understand so I said "c" in a helpless attempt to say something! Obviously it wasnt the answer and they all started laughing at me. Btw the answer was "100". Now even close to what they said. I was so embarrased and hurt. I think that is why I have such a hard time trusting anyone and im anti social. I have no idea how to be normal again and Im 18 now. Its affected me so long that Idk if I even know that I can stop hearing their voices cutting me down when I say things.
I never understood why I got bullied like that. I'm nice and not bad looking . I just never understood what they thought was so wrong with me. Maybe its because I'm just easy to pick on...

[Maverick_Reborn]

Hey =) I an still in highschool, but I used to get bullied a lot. It took me a long time to realize why. One major part of it was that I cared way too much about their opinion of me, so whenever I got insulted, I would cry, which of course lead to more bullying. People bully for many reasons, there is no way to rationalize. One thing I do know is that it is a lot easier to stop thinking about it when you realize how much they actually think of themselves. They think they are on top of the world because people like them, they seem to think. As long as your different in some way, you are a target. I've been antisocial all my life, so I dont know neither do I want to change it. But, remember, do not let these memories attack you. If you start thinking about them, do something else instead of thinking about them. The closer you get to God, the less you care about other people's actions or opinions. You'd stop thinking about them if you knew how little time they spend thinking of you.

[TMB]

Thanks that helped a lot. Sometimes it made me feel like i was the only one even if I knew it wasnt true. That really helped

[Maverick_Reborn]

Your welcome =) Never forget... They always bully the special ones =D

[dema]

Teenagers don't have a sense of self. They are trying to figure out who they are. When people pick on other people, it is generally because they doubt themselves. They don't know who they are, so they want to find some way of demonstrating that at least in this one way they are better than somebody else. Similarly, if a person brags on themselves all the time, they are probably filled with self doubt and low self-esteem.

If you think about it - who are the people who demonstrate the most prejudice? Racial or otherwise? Generally it is people who are poor themselves. Who don't use good grammar. The white peasant would pick on the black educated person for not knowing his place. In effect they were saying, "Stay in your place" because they wanted someone to be below them in the social ladder.

You didn't know who you were either. And these kids were popular. So you took it really hard. But the fact is that if these kids had it together, they wouldn't have done that to you. And if you had self-confidence yourself, you would have laughed. As an adult, I would have laughed - in an adult class I could have admitted to daydreaming and apologized. And laughed. And I would have looked at them with a mean face and said, "Revenge is sweet" and laughed. As a kid, you can't do this. You'd get sent to the principal's office if you tried.

Am I making sense?

They picked on you because they didn't have self-confidence. You had even less self-confidence, so it really hurt.

Jesus gives us self-confidence through himself. Not through ourselves.

Also, many times these popular people are at the highest points of their whole lives. And maybe they kinda know it and that is part of the reason for their getting in the digs while they can.

In my day, nerds were usually ostracized. But the nerds went on to wonderful lives. The popular kids stayed behind and most of them worked in the factories, got laid off, scraped by. One stole a bunch of money. His wife teaches twirling - or did last I heard. Don't know how you make a living teaching twirling.

I was a nerd - but people treated me pretty well. Wanna know why? I had a friend who walked with me down the halls making me look people in the eye and saying hi by name. She coached me. I was still a nerd - but nobody bothered me. Not from that point forward. Before I got bothered pretty bad. It was really dramatic. If you can do that, it will change your whole life. Look people in the eye and say Hi and their name. It completely changes everything.