Into the Light, Out of the Dark

[PreciousMercy]

Ok, I am going to be honest and open here.

I feel like I can't talk to others in person about this because it is just too embarrassing and sinful!! I should tell my accountability partner, but can't do it.

In the past I had a problem with porn and I still fight those images that have burned into my brain. I have been set free from this addiction and no longer watch it. But I have not been able to break free of the sin of masturbation. I want so badly to leave that behind as well and never give into it again. But I have found it so hard to let go of. I hate myself for giving in to the temptation over and over again. Before I start I try to talk myself out of it, quoting scripture even that says to stay pure and not be sexually impure and to not give into sexual immortality, but I always seem to talk myself into it even then and I feel so much guilt and shame and beg for forgiveness again and again and again.

I want to be free from this. I want it to stop and go away. Has any one else found freedom from this demon? Any suggestions?

Please pray for me that I will be stronger and resist the urges. I want so much to be pure and innocent again...

I know God forgives me, but I don't want to keep having to ask for forgiveness for the same thing again and again. I want to be a good daughter to my Father, not a dirty, nasty, sinful one.

PreciousMercy

[Steve]

Will pray for you . Suggest you to please take up the Christian Oasis - Healing Path 14 step program available at C-O-O-L Christian Counseling http//www.christianityoasis.com/cccc/forum.htm

This healing path will help you Let GO and Let GOD. It will help you to clean out the weeds, plant new seeds and control your thoughts by renewing your mind on good things. Please take the 14 steps one step a day and at one point you will be guided to start the Miracle grow chart which will give you further strength with good habits.

Be Blessed
Steve

[Christnundrconstruxn]

Welcome home PreciousMercy,
I want to first say I admire you for being able to be honest, next tell you because of your honesty 2 things are happening
1st God sees your heart and knows you really want to be free of this.
2nd....for me to be brutally honest, I have spoke in messages many times here asking for help, whinning about life, and even reaching out to others but I have always kinda keep quiet about certain things in my life or just avoided being.....brutally honest.
I have suffered from both of the same issues as you for a long time and even as bad as I (we) want it in our minds we continue to struggle, I am coming to believe that I myself do it looking for something that I have searched for since I was first introduced to porn and masturbation, I think myself that I look for a fantasy of what I want in the area of love and allow it to be turned into the sickness of these two things, now this is JUST my feelings of what I think I am going through and I have NO clue how to get out or away from it but one thing I do know is I quit hating myself and started hating IT
I go to God almost daily asking for deliverence AND forgiveness about this and have at one time begged for Him to take me from this earth because I hated myself that bad for what I had become but would not even consider taking my own life because it was the ultimate sin against Him....BUT I'm still here and I believe that God heard ALL of my prayers and cries but for some reason I'm still here and I still struggle BUT one thing is different, I KNOW He still loves me and He has a plan for me so I will continue to ask for deliverence and I will continue to beg for His forgiveness BUT no matter how bad or wrong I am I will NEVER give up on Him giving up on me!
He knows your heart as well as mine and I have faith that He WILL deliver us from this evil so we can continue to help those around us.
May God bless you and give you a sense of peace in this "be still and know that I am God"
Cuc