Dive into Deepsi

[Deepsi]

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[Tam]

THANK YOU!! So much for sharing this part of your heart with us.
Love ya
Tam

[Daisy50]

My dear Deepsi-doodle....

When I married my first hubby, I found out first-hand about "binging and purging"(and quite by "accident"). My step-daughter, who was 9 years old at the time her dad and I married, was a binger/purger.

I can't begin to tell you how many times I'd hear her in the bathroom after having had a meal with us(lunch or supper/dinner). Broke my heart.

Her father would yell at her to stop. Then I'd get upset with him and tell him to "leave her alone." He'd leave all in a huff, slam the door, get into his car and stay gone for hours....and there I'd be, sitting alone in the living room crying over HIS daughter....hearing her 2 doors down, and knowing there was nothing I could do...but love her anyway. And I did love her.

She came from such a broken home...such a sad background. Her mom and dad divorced when she was around 3. She was bounced from one parent to the other...or to grandparents' homes when her parents were either in jail, or too drunk/stoned out of their minds to tend to her needs before I came into her life.

Her binging/purging started when the 3 of us moved into a new home. She was also in a new grade that school year, the tallest kid in the class, had curly hair and was built like a football player(spittin' image of her father, all the way down to her brown curly hair..and she had the deepest shade of hazel, eyes).

The kids at school made fun of her...she'd deliberately slouch to "make herself look shorter". She told me one day, in tears..."Mom, I just want to FIT IN!"

What do you say? No amount of praising her for who she was(cause she was a good kid at times), or telling her how cute she was(she'd say "no i'm not"), or buying her new clothes("i don't like the way they look on me")could appease her.

The good times with her was going to the Library on a Saturday morning, picking out a stack of books...and then curling up in bed with her at night after homework, and reading to her until she fell asleep.

I was always trying to think that by my paying more attention to her would cause her to stop binging/purging.....it would work...for a few days.

Then something would happened at school, to set her off again, and the cycle continued.

It's been 26 years since I last saw that curly-headed brown-eyed girl. She's married, and has a family of her own now. I can only pray that God helped her through this and that she no longer has to feel the need to "fit in". That she already does, always has.......

Journaling in general is hard, but to journal about eating disorders has to be even harder! Putting our hurts, and truths on paper opens up a lot of wounds, but it is comforting after awhile when we look back and are able to see "where we've been and how far we've come."

I am proud of you for getting it out into the open. We all have our crosses to bear.....I pray for God to give you strength.

You have no idea what I "see" when you're around. You've got this amazing personality(you could make a rock feel welcome...you have such a gift of warmth), and I think that is what drew me to you in the first place. You are funny, intelligent, articulate & quick-witted. You have those qualities I lack.

If we only could just see what others see in us when we look into a mirror? WOW! Wouldn't that be mind-blowing?

Maybe it's time we start. 'Cause I see you for the person you are...not for who you THINK you are. We all have faults, but lets depend on each other to help lift us up, and pray to God for peace of mind, that we really are "someone special" in everyone's eyes...Especially HIS eyes.

The Lord can move mountains....He can get us thru any storm in our life. He knows we're not perfect....

I think it saddens Him when we are so down on ourselves...someone He created!!! I think it bothers Him that we destroy ourselves with the choices we make/have made in our lives....

But I know He is there to help us when we fall....And He is there to lean on when we need a shoulder to cry on....And He loves us unconditionally, no matter what the t.v. says, or magazines say or society itself tries to dictate to us in how we should "look".

I also pray when the day comes and food no longer provides comfort, that we will be able to whole-heartedly give ourselves over to the Lord. He can provide what we need. He is OUR ROCK, OUR COMFORTER...OUR ALL in ALL.

I love ya' sis

Daisy

[Deepsi]

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[Deepsi]

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[Daisy50]

YOU GO GIRL!

Daisy

[Deepsi]

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[Daisy50]

*Gives Deepsi-doodle a pat on the back* Thanks for sharing your day with us girl. May HE keep you strong in HIM. Things will happen every day that will upset us, and it is good to give our upsets, pains, misunderstandings and all other negative actions, thoughts and ideas over to HIM. HE knows what's best for us.

I know it is hard though. I struggle almost daily with negativity, but I am learning thru HIM not to let it stay with me. If I can remember to hand HIM all my sorrows, etc...HE will see to it that my day goes well by trusting in HIS Word to get me thru even the most difficult of situations.

GOD IS AWESOME LIKE THAT! How could I not put my dependence on HIM? If HE can get me thru it(and I truly believe HE can...WOW, what a blessing it is!

I love ya' sis! You stay strong in HIM!

Daisy