mercy 7 journal

[Mercy7]

Well i already posted my story, so i wanted to update ya on some stuff that happened last night after the meeting. Thre is another place i go because the Lord lead me there, so i went to talk with someone there and i was sharing about the dream i had and how it relates so much to the porn. I will share also about the pastors sermon that he preached sunday also.
Well my dream was about a black snake that um i thought was the dogs leash, my fingers got stuck on the snake and itwas esphyxiating me, my fingers turned black and i couldnt breathe, i also was holding my breath when i woke up. ok so the sermon that the pastor was talking about was about the ten pound spider and when he told me that also the internetspiders i associated that with the porn because he is the only one that knows about my problem, so i see it as the snake or spider is the enemy and that he keeps wanting me to stay in this porn but um so the lady prayed for me, i heard her voice and i actuall y clolse my eyes for the first time, i usually don't, anyway, after that I prayed about it on my own and I slept so well last night, so i think i am going to start a calendar and mark everyday that i go without doing it and every time i think about doing it i will pray that God would help to take the desire away. I'm forgiven and so far today i have not done it, and i will NOT do it anymore, because i am choosing not to, here is a link to listen to that sermon if you would like to.http://www.btcokc.org/sermonmanager.php?sermonID=5634&
that will bring ya right to the page n just click play

[mlg]

Mercy yippee!! Your own journal. This is great. And you shared the dream with everyone...cool

Hey sis...I like the idea of an accountability calendar...this will help you see how you are progressing and help you stay true to what you know is good. And just remember if you fall down...repent and get right back up..

Good to see you journaling.

luv ya sweet pea

[Mercy7]

I have been clean for three days so far, and no, no desires, yep been pretty sick so that kinda took a toll on me, but God is soo Good!!! He is giving me strength and our present sufferings are inconsiderable compared to the glory that awaits us in heaven, no no bad thoughts so far and thinking on everything thats from above, everything thats good and thats lovely and of Jesus. If i can do it, I know anyone else can, keep on keeping on and fighting that ol devil, you are Gods NOT his, and he cant have you, so think on Jesus and make Jesus fill you with desires for HIM not for our worldy flesh, He is the only one that can fill us up with good desires on HIM. You can do it!!!

[mlg]

Mercy....wooohooo God knows how to lead us away from temptation...if we ask He will reply...prayers will bring answers...isn't it awesome to think on the good things?...so refreshing....like new flowers on an old plant

luv ya sis

[Mercy7]

I am still in the healing process but only in this area, other spiritual areas are still at war with hormonesi n my body right now, furthermore, I have been way to open about personal things and well i am gonna half to try to not share those things, i cannot expain why even, yeah i cried about it seemsl ike im not even my age and treated like a child in matters, i cant even call anyone anything but friend now, not sure about sis either, gonna be in SO MUCH trouble when she grandma finds out i am getting somethingi n the mail from new zealand, please, please, please pray that she wont even see it or at least understand and not get mad. ok thats enought sharing personal stuff i just have to clear a few things up before I keep going. Yes I have been clean for 4 days almost. I am allowed to share that couse ya no one knows but my pastor. Hard when you want tto be grown up but you can because your health and your um your physical body is not able to yet and still treated a child and you dont even have a mom or its not the same as a mom, dont even feel comfortable saying grandma, please pray about that, that i could at least start calling her grandma again, i know it hurt her heart, now i will in a few weeks half todelete my stuff, but not yet, cause i need to do some serious praying. I am going to half to maybe start all over and be anynymous , but praying cause i want to listen to God and not think i have to do something that God is leading me not to or in a nother direction or just wait and Give God the go and wait patiently for His timing which is always perfect. k guess i'll go for now, update ya later on my progress

[Dora]

No need to delete or have a different name. You are accepted here just as you are.

No need to be embarrassed. We are all sinners.

We long to be holy and righteous. We can not accomplish this on our own, not one of us. All we can do is try and allow God to cover the rest.

Be real in your sharing and you pave a way for others to do the same. Lay down your pride, in humbleness and brokenness allow God to shine through your struggles. His grace is sufficient for each of us.

[mlg]

Mercy...my precious sister...you do not have to be afraid sis...because God is in control and He can handle all things. The enemy will try to make you run and hide...but as Pine said we are all sinners...and bringing this to the Light is how you heal...

I will be praying for you sis. All is going to be ok.

luv ya

[Mercy7]

Well, its day five, and still clean. Went to mardels, a Christian book store we have here and I had to lie to grandma a little. She kept seeing books about internet porn and sex and she even asked me if i saw any sex chat rooms, i lied and said ive never been there when indeed i have. I could not tell her yet. Unless the Lord leads me to, then I will be obedient and tell but not yet. The reason i thought i needed to delete my things is because grandma doesnt want mesharing personal things with strangers. I have been praying abouti t though. Kinda threw my hands up in the air and just called on Daddy, It really didn't help when its thattime of month because I get so emotional and cry all the time. I know it is the enemy putting thoughts in my mind when i cry about my mom. But it is a longing I still have and i need to let go and just let God to keep healing me there in that area. but it made it worse when grandma and i talked because i asked her when i started calling her by her name, she said i used to call her grandma. Then when shefound out that I was calling a lady online that we actually metin person, our families, when shesent me a birthday gift, she got hurt when i called her mommie and, well She thinks she is a stranger still. But she lets me talk to other people that i have never even met like a pastor in kentucky and my other friend that was an answer to prayer a couple of years ago. Mlg, I am afraid that grandma will find out that i am too personal with people online and that when i get my package from new zealand thatgrandma will be upset on me. Because she doesnt want me giiving my personal address out. not even phone number or anything. So your suggesting i tell grandma? I could not tell her. I can talk to my pastor about it. Grandma trusts him. Pine , Yes we are all sinners but we are saved by Grace, With help from God we can accomplish His will for our lives, but we must put our will aside. I still only should share what the spirt leads me too and not anything too personal. Thats why i thought about deleting some things i posted. I dont want to get in trouble for doing that, i need to obey and respect grandmas words even though i may not agree or like what shesays. sorry must get back to my math homework and work my behind off . blessings

[mlg]

Mercy sis...so wonderful to hear you are standing strong still yippeee!!!

As I was reading your post...I was thinking about your situation from two different perspectives. First your grandma just seeks to protect you from being hurt in any way...and I tend to agree with grandma that it's not a good idea to give out personal info.....but it's not a matter now of that...but the fact that you have....and if grandma finds out and is upset then you have to be truthful with her sis...because to lie will only make things worse. Just remember that grandma does truly love you...and she only does the things she does because she cares...and yes it's hard for you at times...but try to see it from her eyes as well...and then maybe both of you will be able to understand one another a little more.

I continue to pray for you sis.

luv ya lots

[Whisperingsprings]

I prayed for you, Mercy7. hugs, hon.

[Mercy7]

Thank you whispering, blessings to you. Yes this is the end of day 7, wow still No desires and i want to inform ya that i have had so many songs about the blood like "power in the blood of the lamb", O the blood of Jesus that washes white as snow", the blood with never lose its power, the blood that gives me strength from day to day, it will never lose it power", and "we will overcome by the blood of the lamb, throught his power, throught grace we can face the darkest hour, we will overcome b y the blood of the lamb".
I got to tell my pastor tonight about being clean and he gave me a high five, he had a deacons meeting so i asked if i could say something for a few sonconds . um Of course i still think about it but I know that I am ddwelling on keep on going one more day, not to get bored online and not to do it, one more day i can do it with Gods help. I believe by thise songs that God is saying you truly repented and its for real this time, be whole, the desire is gone, poof , and now my heart can be purer that before, of course im not our of the woods yet or maybe never will be, because the enemy will probably come back and try to tempt me more, but will i fall, probably i will, but its one step closer to being made whole and forgiven than it has been. I give God all the glory, forever and ever Amen, He is my help, He is my counselor, He is trustworthy, and a fair judge, He wont condemn, He is forgiving and loving. What a awesome Father to have!

[mlg]

One day at a time...is one more goal met For every day you are able to stand strong in the Lord....you are doing awesome!!!!

luv ya