My story of hurtful circumstances plus more to come

[hopenconfidence]

Hello all,

I just recently joined this group for I am struggling with sexual sin. It's hard for me to explain for a lot has happened in my life so I'll do my best without losing anyone. Oh, before I go on, I did read some of the previous posts and I understand what Jesus can and will do in my life. However, it seems that I can't shake off this part of me so I can stay focused.

Well, I have not ever been in any long-term relationships for I was and prob still am shy and reserved. When I was in college (the first two years), I drank a lot and did my fair share of "playing" but it only made me feel worthless for no man wanted me for whatever standards he set. So for many years, I felt that I wasn't worth it. Wasn't loved. It didn't help that my father, stepfather, and other men in my family would make fun of me especially about my body and how I carry myself. From that point on, I was afraid to talk to guys for I didn't know if they would reject me or not. All I did to find love was to hang out in bars and flirt with men not knowing if he was married or not. It was disasterous! But that was the only way I knew how for I didn't ever receive any affection when I was younger. As I said, I drank and had sex with men who I know wasn't the right type but since he gave me the attention, I went for it. I didn't realize it would hurt me so much until I was in a van with a married man! I almost committed adultery and in some case, I did for I did so something to him sexually. That made me realize that I wasn't worth it for I went really low to find love. So I thought of suicide after that until I was introduced to church.

After years of being hurt, I understand that Jesus is the answer and He understands my dilenma. I am 30 years of age and still had not had a relationship for I am afraid of being hurt. (There is more to this story) There is one other story that I won't get into right now but it happened recently and today, I'm still affected by it for now I'm afraid to be in a relationship. Also, there are other areas I'm concerned with which I'll explain as time goes on so please understand that there is more to me than what I just written but the bottom line is that I need help to focus my thoughts on God and to understand that there is a guy out there waiting for me. If there are any questions, I'll answer honestly. Right now, my mind is going everywhere so I'll stop for now.

Thanks all for allowing me to join your group for it has been a long while since I've been on here. (School/college, done now, yay!!!)

[Guest]

Thanks for sharing. I can empathise with how easy it is to find meaningless 'relationships' for the sake of brief comfort in college / university.

You say you have not been in any decent relationship(s), but it seems to me like you've recently entered a relationship with the Lord. You couldn't have found a better one God is the greatest companion you'll find.

It's great we've found him.

God bless

[Tam]

Hope thank you for opening your heart some and sharing here.
I know that if you will allow him our Heavenly Father will surely help you get past all the pain and hurt that you have endured and He will surely heal your heart if you will allow Him. This is the first step for your healing.
Hope to see you in chat sometimes
Tam

[hopenconfidence]

Thanks for your posts. I do in fact have a relationship with the Lord for sometime now. My problem is that I'm not focused on Him as much as I should be. I believe I am hurting Him for having these thoughts. As I said earlier, I have more to my story for that was just the beginning. It's awful to continue to think like this for it is seriously hurting me in relationships I could be having. I guess being single doesn't help much and for that is why I am struggling. With time on my side, perhaps there will be answers for my concerns and that I will overcome these obstacles.

[mlg]

Hey hope,

Welcome to the group sis. One thing we must remember is that there is healing for all things in our life...and that healing comes from Jesus. Will the healing happen overnight....probably not...but with tiny steps it will come....I am single too sis....and I've been entangled in my thoughts...but as I've grown closer to God my thoughts have become much less and His have become much more. Work on growing closer to Him sis.

So glad your here and sharing.

luv ya

[hopenconfidence]

Thanks mlg for that response. I do know Jesus loves me and this will heal, I guess it's starts with confessing then repenting. However, that has been difficult for I see things around as most do so the thoughts are there and the ones that are buried as I noted the other night in chat. The situation there is I am saved but did something against God and even though I am forgiven by Him, I'm still facing the fact that one day I'll be in a relationship and end up running into the guy and he would say something that would hurt my relationship. That is what I'm scared over right now and of course dealing with those thoughts. In time, things will change, for now, this is a start.

[mlg]

Ok, we've all done something against God at one time or another...but one thing you have to know is that God's forgiveness also comes with God's protection. If you find yourself in a relationship with someone you really care about...and carry a fear of them finding out...then maybe you should be upfront and tell them the Truth sis....cuz if they love you...they will want to know all about you...and will want you not to walk in fear day in and day out. But of course pray and ask God before you go sharing the past...cuz sometimes it's best to leave the past in the past...but God knows what is best and He will lead you the right direction when that time comes....but for now sis...head up and let God worry about the future and the past...you just focus on today.

Keep sharing sis...

luv ya