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Until I realized that That no one or nothing make me happy or give me peace but God did I CHOOSE to do something about it. I had to give my will over to Him and die to self. I had made a big mess out of my life. No human power could releave me of my struggles and addictions. I was powerless.I needed help. I was tired of being tired. After many years doing my own thing, I was miserable. God was always there for me but only wanted His will for me when I was in trouble or facing a crises. He has brought me out of the pit of darkness and given hope and a reason to live. He place people in my life when I need them. I want nothing except peace. He has allowed me top experience pain even though I have been sober a while. He wanted me to grow up. He has given me an opportunity to help others. He has done for me for what couldn't do for myself. I quit feeling sorry for myself and began face life as I should. I surrendered my will to Him. I do not dwell in my past nor do I look too far into the future. I live in today cause I do not know what tomorrow bestows. No matter how I feel, I know He knows because I am doing all I know to do. And sometimes that is just waiting for Him to answer and give me direction.
Today, I run in the race for my Lord and King. I was sort of like a seed. When I died to way of living and chose His way, I began to sprout little blooms. And when I do not go to Him to get food, my blooms welter. Until I had a personal relationship with Him that I began to experience joy and have a meaning in life. No one could told me this. I had to find it out MY way. And I hurt and paid a dear price for it. I share these words to those who are hurting because I have been there. God's love has filled my cup and it runs over. My prayer is that you ask Him to be Lord and seek His will EACH day. God has given me you people and His grace is unspeakable. I am a new creation in Christ Jesus, The Living God. He lives in my heart today and now I walk by faith. I have not come to you with enticing words or eloquent in speech ,but, by the power of the Living God who gave Himself and died for me. Real. Luv ya.

Galatians 2:20
I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.

I certainly enjoyed reading what you had to say. As a mother I can say that i feel a lot of what you experienced as you went through all those rough times. Certainly I thought I could make the way a lot easier but to my better understanding I finally was taught that only God has the power to take the mind of someone and his soul and make it what he had intended to make of it all along. Through the Grace of God I have become stronger and a lot more patience, learning to lean on God my Farther, and leave all my burdens at His Holy feet.
I thought only a mother could Love so dearly until I let go and let God and I now see my Love is so small compared to His love for His children.

God bless

mom..thank you for that...from one mom to another..i hear you heart