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standing with you, praying for you, you are blessed so be blessed.....wl

Wow been a long while since i posted in my journal but felt it was a good time as I am still st ruggling here. I need help really bad again. I been keeping a little calndar with me and marking how many times i fell a month well i cant seem to stop no matter how hard i try the harder i try hte more i sin. I see if im busy doing things at places i dont do it onl y when im like bored and i feel empty and nothing to do . I pray and ask God t o forgive me and ask for strength not to give in but to fight the temptations but i always seem to give in whout realizing it and when i do fall and do it i see it emediatley and stop most of the time, ists such a habit i cannot break easily and i so long to but i need help i cried to Jesus to for help.

God is your strength! He loves you and Jesus dies once and for all! All our sins- Past, Present and future have been forgiven…but if we want to walk in freedom on earth and have abundant life we must consider all consequences.

We have the freedom to choose Praise The LORD! May God continue to give you strength and freedom daily! Tho we stumble and fall - He will never leave us..and He will finish what he started in you and me!

Fight the good fight of FAITH!

God loves you dearly!

I decided to post here in this journal since It has to do with this subject. Well a few weeks um the Lord has been convicting me in several ways from His word and well I have been trying to just NOT do it but always ends up happening. Anyways I been watching a movie on youtube and wow it is sooooooooo sad, I bet Jesus is crying for all these children going through this situation rigt now. Watched "Human trafficking movie" it has 18 parts so its extremely long. Anyways then I was finisheing up my revelation study and well lots of thingsi nthere an d well I kept getting those thoughts those urges to do it and I simply decided to not let them flood my head and i kept on writing well i stopped and said a prayed and that the devil will flee and to take those thoughts from my head. I dont feel that God is pleased with me at all from what i have been doing, feel that I wont even get to go to heaven becouse of all the nasty things I've done, I need help and I have been praying for God to send some help I guess he did just not in the way i was wanting it but hey its help and he did answer:)
Um thats all i want to say now and ty all for being there for me and just not judging or saying rumors or saying that I am a lier and story teller, just tired of people hurting me that way as i keep getting banned for things that I been accused of and well, I dont want to get introuble and Im just being who God made me to be , but if you wanna ban me thats fine its just a site but iwill miss you all. It is in Gods control but i do miss some people. But its not worthy to try n fix osome of those things when ill get hurt more so thats why i left many places and got banned some others. i thank the Lord for this place that the Holy Spirit is here and everyone here, I know when I or any other person needs help you all are willing to help and talk. Sometimes its not that i want to say whats bothering me but sometimes yes, Sometimes just a unspoken prayer or just being there talking with me. Jesus TY for EVERYONE onthis site and for thier work n servant hood for YOU and YOUR Kingdom!!

i love you so much, mercy! you are so precious

if theres ever anything u wanna say to me u always can...any time!

SORTA!!! Ty sis for reassurring me, Jesus loves yu too my friend, ty, will lots and too!

Hey mercy,
I have missed ya, prayin for you.



Cuc

Hi and ty sorta and cuc:)
this is April 20th and I wanted to say that I have been fighting the temptaitions the last couple of days and dont wanna do it Iwanna be like Jesus that he had temptaitons justl ike us but he never once fell well iknow i can never once fall but I know that I dont have to fall back with this addiction. Its just sometimes nothing to do or talk to at home so i look for things to do or did and just never got it under control and well it took control of me and my life. Ive kept this secret for over 12 yrs and well i've prayed n prayed for God to help me and well Im the one who has to want to stop and not just know that its wrong but feel that it is wrong and truly be convicted of stopping it, feeling not just with emotion or heart but feeling physically wrong and not wanting anyone to hurt me either couse i had a dream the other night and well these people or kids im not sure but i knew they were trying to hurt me there and well grandparents gott here and and i felt safe then i woke up
Anyways I just wantedt o let these thoughts out. Just as Christ had to be crucified, I crucify this addiction, just as Jesus was buried I burry this addiction and that just as Christ Arose and is Alive, Alive in our hearts, THis addiction is gone, couse Christs blood took it away and washed it clean and i want it to stay that way forgiven and the slate clean never to go back to the old sin and keep crucifying and nailing it or him to the cross again. Im going to sleep now and hopefully this dog will sleep i got mad at her couse she has been keeping me up nihgt after night and wont let me sleep digging in my sheets and running up and down the stairs and stuff oh and the excessive licking driving me crazy soooooo i kept putting her down to correct her and well she got mad, not bitting but i knew she was mad couse she backed away like dont touch me so i just told her in a calm low voice to come down, then i moved the stairs. It is quite hard not to raise my voice or get upset couse im so used to doing it, I know that patience is a hard virtue to learn and well Im learning a lot about attitudes too and being joyful in any situation but still doesnt make it easier.Like i siad im going to bed now Goodnight.

Ok Ive fallen backagain. Not sure how to get up this time except that I so desperately want out, Just to feel like a regular person again, will be trying again this may to be a month without falling like i do everymonth. Anyways thats all for now

Well I havent fallen back anymore, I think I am done with this addiction, couse I dont want to do it or feel it done anymore. And I haven't looked at it either, dont want to.
I am scared to say what i realy want to becouse of someone thinking it is wrong or nasty but, I have certain reasons why I want it and I prayed about it and will see if anything goes about it, Its not something i feel comfortable sharing with anyone, not even my pastor, couse not sure anyone would really understand. Anyways just a n update

well im still clean--Have no desire to want to look at those nasty sites anymore--as my pastor says . I don't want to, I want to stay pure and clean in this area--Our sunday school lesson was on colossians 2 wow it really got me, and more convictions, a lot of times im convicted of this and well when i do think about doing it i quickly say no and find somethign else, I dont wanna fal back in this.

Awesome Mercy!!
Ya gotta love the feeling, cherish each day!
Prayer for ya.
Wonder